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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by inimitable on June 16, 2006, at 8:34:17
i can understand how in a lot of situations where a client likes the T, and wants a dual relationship with him or her. and most people bring up the fact that if anything DID happen between client and T, it would end up hurting the client. but i wonder, in a hypothetical situation where a client liked their T and they started dating, let's say....and then, maybe had sex, let's say, or didn't have sex, either case: how do you think you would handle it? and if it ended, how would you handle it. let's say he or she is not your t anymore while you are dating, but they WERE.
see, i think, even if it ended, the relationship, the dating, the sex, what have you, i would be grateful to have experienced whatever i experienced with him (my T). but i think my case could be a little different, as is everyone's case, but i would be grateful to have been able to experience whatever i would with him. it's something i want so bad, not just sex with him, no, but to get to know him on a personal level, i think i could really connect, as i have never connected with anybody in my life. and if i did connect with T, and then we had to break it off for whatever reason, i'll be realistic, I'D BE HEARTBROKEN. but. i really do think i'd be happy to have had my time with him. and plus, i'm feeling all this pain from NOT being able to see him outside of session, so i think i could handle any emotional outbreaks that happen after a hypothetical relationship with my T.
so how bout you guys? how do you think you'd react? just thought it'd be fun to talk about it.*inimitable
Posted by madeline on June 16, 2006, at 9:39:38
In reply to now, would it REALLY?......., posted by inimitable on June 16, 2006, at 8:34:17
I understand the love, the pain and the longing that you feel, believe me, I have been there. I think loving a T is one of the most normal, natural and essential parts of therapy even though it is one of the most painful parts. We share our most intimate parts with our T, we open ourselves to them and they respond with kindness, patients and caring. I also think the therapeutic relationship sets up “the perfect man” - one who exists only for us, who has no wants or desires of his own, in fact doesn’t even exist when we aren't with him (or at least isn’t supposed to). It’s the perfect setup for love. In fact, I think there would be something very wrong if people DIDN’T fall for their Ts
Now all that being said, I had to realize that the T’s experience of therapy is very different from mine. He hasn’t shared himself with me. The emotional intimacy I shared with him is only one way, so his love comes from only a shared experience and not a deep emotional bond with me. Therefore, sex with him would be only about a sexual attraction on his part. It may something entirely different to me, but for him, it would only be about self-gratification.
I used to always say “That’s okay! This is about me and what I want and not him!” But then I realized that I don’t want to be used for someone’s gratification and there is a real chance that if we tried a relationship, I wouldn’t like him. How devastating would that be! Either way, therapy would stop. His job is to help me, not screw me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my T with all of my heart and feeling that love has helped me to open up to all kinds of love from people that WILL share themselves with me.
And THAT's the key, the MUTUAL sharing.
Just my thoughts on the subject.
Posted by happyflower on June 16, 2006, at 14:06:24
In reply to Re: now, would it REALLY?......., posted by madeline on June 16, 2006, at 9:39:38
Well having hit my head on my therapist boundries the other week, maybe I feel a little different right now.
But my T did mutually share himself with me, not about his wife, but almost everything else. We do have a bond, but it hurts like heck because he is so darn ethical. He is following the rules like he should, but I get the feeling it is hard for him because he is attracted to me as a person inside and out and I know he know I feel that way about him. But now it seems like he has tightend the boundries and It made me very emotional but now when I look back, I am glad he is. I need him as a T right now. But in the future after I stop seeing him for therapy, I would be open to a personal relationship if we was open to it.
This is the end of the thread.
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