Posted by madeline on June 16, 2006, at 9:39:38
In reply to now, would it REALLY?......., posted by inimitable on June 16, 2006, at 8:34:17
I understand the love, the pain and the longing that you feel, believe me, I have been there. I think loving a T is one of the most normal, natural and essential parts of therapy even though it is one of the most painful parts. We share our most intimate parts with our T, we open ourselves to them and they respond with kindness, patients and caring. I also think the therapeutic relationship sets up “the perfect man” - one who exists only for us, who has no wants or desires of his own, in fact doesn’t even exist when we aren't with him (or at least isn’t supposed to). It’s the perfect setup for love. In fact, I think there would be something very wrong if people DIDN’T fall for their Ts
Now all that being said, I had to realize that the T’s experience of therapy is very different from mine. He hasn’t shared himself with me. The emotional intimacy I shared with him is only one way, so his love comes from only a shared experience and not a deep emotional bond with me. Therefore, sex with him would be only about a sexual attraction on his part. It may something entirely different to me, but for him, it would only be about self-gratification.
I used to always say “That’s okay! This is about me and what I want and not him!” But then I realized that I don’t want to be used for someone’s gratification and there is a real chance that if we tried a relationship, I wouldn’t like him. How devastating would that be! Either way, therapy would stop. His job is to help me, not screw me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my T with all of my heart and feeling that love has helped me to open up to all kinds of love from people that WILL share themselves with me.
And THAT's the key, the MUTUAL sharing.
Just my thoughts on the subject.
poster:madeline
thread:657538
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/657555.html