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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Adrift on June 12, 2006, at 9:24:50
I can play the part for awhile, but then I fall. Im not hard enough. Im a fish in a sea of sharks. Im miserable trying and Im miserable when I don't try. But if I don't try, who am I and if I try and fail, then what am I? The truth is, when you fail, people look down on you and there is nothing you can do to change that. Therapy advises moving on and lowering my expectations, but how can I lower my expectations when my expectations are expected from others too? I hate who I have become, I hate my lack of power and strength. But there is nothing I can do to change that. My therapist tells me what he thinks I want to hear, what he thinks is the right thing to say, I know that! Because if he were in my shoes and understood my perspective I don't believe he would tell me to accept defeat and try something else, those are my words, not his, but I get the idea. Sometimes you must mold into the situation, you cant always run from everything with an excuse! It's a cookie cutter therapy world out there just as much as its a cookie cutter world. Sometimes, I wish that I could get unscripted advice from my therapist, but every dilemma is the same to him and every answer comes from the same text book. I am not a cookie.
Posted by muffled on June 12, 2006, at 11:46:40
In reply to cookie cutter therapy, posted by Adrift on June 12, 2006, at 9:24:50
Hi,
Sorry you feel that way.
Circular thinking.
I'm good at that.
Mebbe its time for a diff. T thats a better fit for you?
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Poet on June 12, 2006, at 18:55:32
In reply to cookie cutter therapy, posted by Adrift on June 12, 2006, at 9:24:50
Hi Adrift,
Welcome to babble!
My therapist doesn't do cookie cutter therapy. She does a variety of different therapies depending on the needs of the client.
Can you talk about your issues with your current T? It doesn't seem to me like you're getting much help from his current techniques. I like the cookie cutter analogy- it makes a real easy mental picture. Your T needs some different shape cookie cutters. Clients are unique- the one approach for all doesn't work.
Though if you've tried to talk about it before and got nowhere, maybe it's time you shopped around for a new therapist? One that is eclectic and not set in old textbook ways?
You are not a cookie and neither is anyone else. We're all unique and that's okay. Believe me.
Poet
Posted by Adrift on June 12, 2006, at 21:11:44
In reply to Re: cookie cutter therapy » Adrift, posted by Poet on June 12, 2006, at 18:55:32
Thank you Muffled and Poet. I have talked to my therapist about it, in his opinion I need to give myself a break, he says that I have too high expectations of myself, and that I don't need to try so hard to be this person Im trying to be. The real problem is me. Sadly if I want to find my true happiness, I need to accept myself for who I am, not who I am trying to be. He acknowledges the pressure I'm under, but he also has the "who cares" what others think attitude which is a great attitude, but it isn't working for me, because, I do care and expect from myself and others expect from me. How do you stop caring? The hardest part for me is letting down my guard and just being, instead I demand from myself without success, then beat myself up over it. It's an emotional roller coaster. At times I wonder if there are male and female cookies, but I sincerely hope he only sees Unisex-cookies. It was nice to hear that you don't feel the cookie cutter analogy as I do, I thought, maybe it was a common feeling.
Adrift
Posted by muffled on June 12, 2006, at 21:50:36
In reply to Re: cookie cutter therapy, posted by Adrift on June 12, 2006, at 21:11:44
Has your t worked w/you re:negative self talk?
The crap you say in your head that has a grain of truth so you beleive it, but actually its not true?
Take acre
Muffled
Posted by Adrift on June 13, 2006, at 9:39:14
In reply to Re: cookie cutter therapy » Adrift, posted by muffled on June 12, 2006, at 21:50:36
> Has your t worked w/you re:negative self talk?
> The crap you say in your head that has a grain of truth so you beleive it, but actually its not true?
> Take acre
> MuffledWe have touched on it. The hardest part for me is that, no matter who I go to, they will all say the same thing to me, but realistically, I know they think I am thinking accurately. This si why I say its cookie cutter, because they can't tell me that the awful things I feel about myself are true and accurate, can they? It doesn't sound professional and if he did, he probably worries id be devastated. But he has validated everything, excusing it away. I can't live like this. I fell terrible inside. I can't keep up with everything because its too hard.
Posted by Adrift on June 13, 2006, at 20:30:43
In reply to Re: cookie cutter therapy » muffled, posted by Adrift on June 13, 2006, at 9:39:14
>because they can't tell me that the awful things I feel about myself are true and accurate, can they?
anyone? I am so in need of an answer right now. I feel awful and am afraid everything is being worded to me in a candy coated way. The whole point of therapy is to make a person feel better, isnt it? So would a therapist really tell a person that the thoughts they are having are accurate if they were, but at the same time were really destructive thoughts?
Posted by muffled on June 13, 2006, at 20:52:27
In reply to can anyone answer this?, posted by Adrift on June 13, 2006, at 20:30:43
Adrift, can you give me some examples of what you mean, I'm a little lost as to what you are trying to say?
I'm easily confused.
Thanks,
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on June 14, 2006, at 9:44:06
In reply to can anyone answer this?, posted by Adrift on June 13, 2006, at 20:30:43
My therapist tells me unpleasant truths frequently. He just does it in a polite and compassionate way (usually).
Posted by wishingstar on June 14, 2006, at 11:49:07
In reply to can anyone answer this?, posted by Adrift on June 13, 2006, at 20:30:43
In my experience, no, they wont tell you "yeah, you really are mean!" or anything like that. BUT, I've found that when I'm complaining about a situation where I probably was wrong or acted inappropriately, my T will bring that up in a gentle, suggestion (rather than statement) sort of way. I get the message, but it isnt hurtful like "wow, you're terrible!" could be.
Posted by Adrift on June 14, 2006, at 22:25:58
In reply to Re: can anyone answer this? » Adrift, posted by wishingstar on June 14, 2006, at 11:49:07
Thanks, I have been concerned that he is not being upfront with me and giving me a lot of psycho-babble textbook b*llshit to soothe me. Just frustrated! It isn't soothing at all and it makes me feel like he is encouraging me to be nothing, because he sees that as the easy way for both of us, or maybe he sees it as my only way because I am not capable enough. He never says, you can't do this, or you can't do that, he just says little in the way of encouragement of things that I want and always streers off in other directions. In the end it becomes more wood for my fire. I'm sure this is me, not him.
This is the end of the thread.
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