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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by milly on May 3, 2006, at 14:36:35
Saw pdoc today. Told him about the reaction to the photo (see post 4/24/06 above)plus I've had another intense outburst about it all at an inappropriate moment because I was caught 'off guard' and we talked about the feelings of being out of control around this issue.
Talked about what I would *do* to him ranging from fairly mild to extremely catastrophic and that the perfect opportunity is fast approaching to reap revenge (5/20/06) before I had that outburst i thought I was ultimately in control of myself but now neither of us is sure.
Pdoc was very sweet, didn't tell me off or make me feel any worse than I already do but he is going to break confidentiality and tell the police and authorities. He believes I pose a substantial threat to this guy and he just doesn't get it that i would be doing the world a favour. I'm scared, whats happening? he's ringing tomorrow.
He does care about me and wants to keep me safe but he's going to remove my options I know he is.
milly
Posted by muffled on May 3, 2006, at 15:23:59
In reply to I'm scared, whats going to happen?, posted by milly on May 3, 2006, at 14:36:35
> Saw pdoc today. Told him about the reaction to the photo (see post 4/24/06 above)plus I've had another intense outburst about it all at an inappropriate moment because I was caught 'off guard' and we talked about the feelings of being out of control around this issue.
***Its REALLY hard feeling out of control I know. Your P-doc sounds like an ok guy who has got YOUR best interests at heart.
>
> Talked about what I would *do* to him ranging from fairly mild to extremely catastrophic and that the perfect opportunity is fast approaching to reap revenge (5/20/06) before I had that outburst i thought I was ultimately in control of myself but now neither of us is sure.***Sounds like you still got work to do all right. I am the queen of b*llshitting everybody including myself that I'm ok, when underneath I am festering.
>
> Pdoc was very sweet, didn't tell me off or make me feel any worse than I already do but he is going to break confidentiality and tell the police and authorities. He believes I pose a substantial threat to this guy and he just doesn't get it that i would be doing the world a favour. I'm scared, whats happening? he's ringing tomorrow.***Ya, you might be doing the world a favor, but at what cost to yourself and your family? Ya, I think your p-doc is watching out for YOU.
>
> He does care about me and wants to keep me safe but he's going to remove my options I know he is.
>
***I think you'll just be monitored. Hopefully you'll get some extra help processing this safely. Mebbe restraining order? Who knows. Just take care of yourself Milly. That guy will die and rot in hell eventually. Please take special care of Milly. Your hurt, but you can be healed. Things will get better. Sometimes things seem more backwards, but you'll move ahead too.
Keep talking to us Milly.
Your a sweetie.
Your a good person.
I like you lots.
PLEASE take extra special care of our Milly.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on May 3, 2006, at 15:24:37
In reply to I'm scared, whats going to happen?, posted by milly on May 3, 2006, at 14:36:35
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 3, 2006, at 15:41:37
In reply to I'm scared, whats going to happen?, posted by milly on May 3, 2006, at 14:36:35
Milly, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could think of something to do to help.
((((((((((((((Milly)))))))))))
Posted by fairywings on May 3, 2006, at 17:42:51
In reply to Re: I'm scared, whats going to happen?, posted by TherapyGirl on May 3, 2006, at 15:41:37
Milly,
I'm so sorry, but I'm glad you told your pdoc. I think muffy was right - pdoc is looking out for you, he cares about you, and at what expense to you and your family. Seems that's the crux of it....as evil as he is, he's not worth ruining the rest of your life, or your family.
Does your husband know how you feel? Would he be willing to move far enough away to take you out of danger of hurting this man? I know miles can't erase what's happened, but it might keep you out of harms way.
(((hugs)))
fw
Posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2006, at 23:42:00
In reply to Re: I'm scared, whats going to happen? » TherapyGirl, posted by fairywings on May 3, 2006, at 17:42:51
Milly,
I'm glad you told your pdoc and that he is working with you to help you through this. I'm sure it's very unsettling to hear him state the risk as he did. I don't know exactly what might happen next. But I believe that anyone who shows themselves to be an active partner in working to keep themselves or others safe poses a lower risk than if you were working against your pdoc and your well-being.And I also think I understand about how the world would be a better place. It's okay to feel that way. It's okay to fantasize about what you might do. It's okay to experience the rage and desire to hurt back. But of course it's not okay to act against someone on those feelings. I hope you and your pdoc can find ways for you to experience and express those feelings that lead to healing for you.
Take care,
gg
Posted by milly on May 4, 2006, at 4:29:29
In reply to Re: I'm scared, whats going to happen? » milly, posted by muffled on May 3, 2006, at 15:23:59
Oh muffled I *know* you're right but I just don't seem to be able to think straight.
I keep thinking if I did my *worst* nothing would happen to me, everyone would understand why and in fact I'd be hailed as a hero. Then reality kicks in and i think that it would end badly but maybe *I'm* the price that has to be paid.
I think I can hear pdoc because he says he wants to protect me and that what he has to do isn't to protect sh*tface (not pdocs word!)but to keep me safe.
i cried that you care about me (when you put 'our Milly' I could feel it), I feel so bad and confused and evil I don't think you should care.
Its my birthday and I'm sat here waiting for my pdoc to ring to tell me the outcome of the team meeting.
I am quite scared 1. because I feel I don't know me anymore and I don't trust me and 2. because I don't know what they are going to do.
milly
Posted by milly on May 4, 2006, at 4:46:54
In reply to Re: I'm scared, whats going to happen?, posted by TherapyGirl on May 3, 2006, at 15:41:37
> Milly, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could think of something to do to help.
>
> ((((((((((((((Milly)))))))))))Thanks hugs meant alot as i am so scared, confused and I hate *me* and i just wish I still had my T to help me sort this in my head
Posted by milly on May 4, 2006, at 4:48:48
In reply to Re: I'm scared, whats going to happen? » TherapyGirl, posted by fairywings on May 3, 2006, at 17:42:51
Thanks, hubby does know but we can't move. sh*tface is moving out of the country to Holland in the summer - he got promoted!!!!!
Posted by milly on May 4, 2006, at 4:54:47
In reply to Re: I'm scared, whats going to happen?, posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2006, at 23:42:00
> Milly,
> I'm glad you told your pdoc and that he is working with you to help you through this. I'm sure it's very unsettling to hear him state the risk as he did. I don't know exactly what might happen next. But I believe that anyone who shows themselves to be an active partner in working to keep themselves or others safe poses a lower risk than if you were working against your pdoc and your well-being.*** i think hearing him say that he cares about me and wants me safe helped, if it had all been about keeping sh*tface safe I would have felt betrayed. I guess pdoc wouldn't mind if sh*tface fell under a bus aslong as I don't push him
>
> And I also think I understand about how the world would be a better place. It's okay to feel that way. It's okay to fantasize about what you might do. It's okay to experience the rage and desire to hurt back. But of course it's not okay to act against someone on those feelings.*** but I tried all the usual routes and now feel trapped, maybe it's my destiny/ purpose in life
> I hope you and your pdoc can find ways for you to experience and express those feelings that lead to healing for you.
***well it would have been nice to have let me keep my T, i really need him right now.
milly
Posted by B2chica on May 4, 2006, at 9:22:38
In reply to I'm scared, whats going to happen?, posted by milly on May 3, 2006, at 14:36:35
oh ((((((((milly))))))))))
i'm so sorry. this intensity of frustration and anger must be unbearable. but i must agree with muffled, i DO think that your T has your best interests at heart. afterall, this "guy"(and i use that term loosely) already hurt your life once he/it shouldn't again.
i'm sure people would be better off without him here but i guess i view this world as fairly dim and feel that if i have to stay here and suffer so should those that deserve suffering. don't give him a free pass to escape here.
and pounding the cr@p out of him may feel good...but consequences, consequences. you don't deserve them. don't let actions on your emotions ruin what you have worked so hard for. a good life.keep talking.
please take care of yourself.b2c.
Posted by muffled on May 4, 2006, at 10:17:04
In reply to Re: I'm scared, whats going to happen? » muffled, posted by milly on May 4, 2006, at 4:29:29
> Oh muffled I *know* you're right but I just don't seem to be able to think straight.
***well, the fact that you know you can't think straight is a good thing. You have some grip on reality.
> I keep thinking if I did my *worst* nothing would happen to me, everyone would understand why and in fact I'd be hailed as a hero. Then reality kicks in and i think that it would end badly but maybe *I'm* the price that has to be paid.
***Like B2chica said, if you hurt him back, he wins cuz then YOU and your family get hurt more. Screw him and let the world get its revenge on him. It will in the end.
You would not be a hero for getting him. You are FAR more valuable than him. You have already paid. Now it is time for you to heal and be able once again to feel peace and joy, and to share of your beautiful self to others. And no doubt as a result of all this pain you will grow and learn SO much and be able to help others too. Cuz you truly understand.> I think I can hear pdoc because he says he wants to protect me and that what he has to do isn't to protect sh*tface (not pdocs word!)but to keep me safe.
***I'm quite sure thats the case myself.
> i cried that you care about me (when you put 'our Milly' I could feel it), I feel so bad and confused and evil I don't think you should care.
***Those words could have come from my own mouth. Why do we do this to ourselves I don't know. But I have read so many of your posts and you seem to be a very sweet soul. You ARE our Milly. You are a part of our community here, you matter and are valuable to us, this is true.
> Its my birthday and I'm sat here waiting for my pdoc to ring to tell me the outcome of the team meeting.
***Not such a Happy birthday I suppose, but I absolutely hate birthdays anyways and never celebrate mine.
> I am quite scared 1. because I feel I don't know me anymore and I don't trust me and 2. because I don't know what they are going to do.
***Well, I think that the fact that your scared is once again a good sign. You don't know the old you anymore. You are growing and changing in many good ways.
Yeah, I know the don't trust me thing. Its very hard....but for me...I dunno...mebbbe theres just something basic inside me that always holds me back....I dunno. But so far so good.
I don't think anything terribly irreprable will happen as long as you leave that guy alone. This will eventually pass. Hard to imagine. But you will get thru this. You will.
Once again,
Take care of yourself,
You are our special Milly,
It'll be ok somehow,
We are here for you,
(((((((((Milly))))))))
>
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 4, 2006, at 18:27:47
In reply to Re: I'm scared, whats going to happen? » TherapyGirl, posted by milly on May 4, 2006, at 4:46:54
Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and hoping you're safe.
I wish they would figure out a way to get you back into therapy with your T.
Posted by happyflower on May 4, 2006, at 20:05:34
In reply to Re: I'm scared, whats going to happen? » milly, posted by TherapyGirl on May 4, 2006, at 18:27:47
I hope all will work out for you. Keep us in touch on what happens. (((((Milly))))
This is the end of the thread.
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