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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by RainDrops on April 9, 2006, at 22:11:42
Hey all. ;)
I recently posted on the newbies forum but I'll do a brief little intro here as well because this is the forum I've been lurking at most and probably the forum I'll be posting at most as well.
I've been in therapy for about 8 years now for my eating disorder (anorexia first, now bulimia), all the time with the same therapist, who has been wonderful. Of course I've had experience with many other therapists and P-Docs in between over the course of several inpatient stays and most recently a several-month intensive outpatient program. Which leads me to the point of this post...
This week will be my last week in this program I've been in for the past five months. I've become especially close to this one therapist (T2) I've been seeing there and I'm having an extremely hard time coming to terms with the fact that I may never see her again. I feel almost guilty for feeling this way because I know I have a great and very competent therapist outside of this place who I've been seeing for the past 8 years (T1). But there's just something about this woman (T2) that I can't get off my mind. She understands me better than anyone I've ever met and we just have this amazing connection. I feel like I've known her my entire life. And yeah, I find it a little odd that I would end up in tears at the end of every session with her yet in the entire 8 years I've been seeing T1 I've cried maybe 3 times. I've talked about this with a few of my friends from the program and they've suggested that maybe I'd be better off switching from T1 to T2... and while I honestly think I might be better off with T2 (and lately I've been thinking maybe I've gotten all I can from T1), I could never bring myself to part with T1. I'd feel like I was abandoning her after all she's put up with from me. So with T1 I stay...
ANYWAY... I'm trying to decide what to do for T2 as a sort of "goodbye gift." I already made her a wooden box thingy and gave it to her when I stepped down from day treatment. But this is the real goodbye. I was thinking of making her a nice scrapbooked card and inside writing about all that I've learned from her and how much she'll be missed, etc. I'm hoping I can't go wrong with something handmade, except of course being embarassed when giving it to her and probably crying my eyes out. ;P
Thanks for listening. ;)
Posted by sleepygirl on April 9, 2006, at 22:47:17
In reply to out of lurkdown...T1 v. T2 dilemma/painful goodbye, posted by RainDrops on April 9, 2006, at 22:11:42
the gift sounds lovely....your dilemma with the two T's sounds really super difficult. I'm curious about why you're not so emotional with T1 vs. T2, and what that might be a response to. We tend to get used to certain patterns we've established long term so I wonder if T2 is lending some much needed air. Not knowing too much, I'd explore the difficulty feeling that you have with T1.
Be well,
sleepygirl
Posted by annierose on April 10, 2006, at 5:40:36
In reply to out of lurkdown...T1 v. T2 dilemma/painful goodbye, posted by RainDrops on April 9, 2006, at 22:11:42
Sometimes we need to say good-bye to people in our lives that we still care for, but have gotten all we can from them. In this situation, although it is such an intimate relationship, it is still a professional one.
After 8 years, you may need to move forward. I understand the worry about hurting T1's feelings, the commitment you feel towards her, but this is all about you and your needs. You must put yourself first in this situation. T1 will take care of herself. And will be available to you if you changed your mind (or mostly likely will).
Question, have you discussed this with T2. Does she see private patients that are no longer @ the treatment facility? I wouldn't rule out seeing her. You must trust your gut here.
Several people on this board have switched Ts after years of therapy. Hopefully they will share their experience in making this change. I believe all that made changes, because they sought them out (i.e. not terminated), are happy they did so.
Good Luck. I know this is a difficult decision.
Posted by orchid on April 10, 2006, at 14:22:18
In reply to out of lurkdown...T1 v. T2 dilemma/painful goodbye, posted by RainDrops on April 9, 2006, at 22:11:42
I think Ts are trained to handle it well when long lasting patients leave them. Plus, it won't do your T1 good either to know that she is not helping you anymore, but you continue to see her, just for the sake of old times. I am sure Ts don't want any pity from us. So in the long run, neither will she feel good, nor will you feel good if you choose to see her knowing well that she isn't helping you anymore.
It is better to stop seeing her (T1), and part from her in good terms, and keeping the option open to see her at a later date if you so choose at that time, and then continue with your T2.
That said, I do understand how painful it must be to let go off a T relationship that you have had for years. You must have developed quite a strong connection and bond with her over the years, and termination is not an easy option. But I think you would be better off in the long run, sticking with what works for you now, and be with T2, and work out your issues better.
Posted by Dinah on April 11, 2006, at 7:50:28
In reply to out of lurkdown...T1 v. T2 dilemma/painful goodbye, posted by RainDrops on April 9, 2006, at 22:11:42
I adore my therapist like I would the best mom I've ever had.
But I told him that if my neurologist were a therapist, I'd leave him for her.
The whole point of this is for you to improve your life as much as possible. If you've found someone you think can help you do this, you have an obligation to yourself and to your first therapist, who has helped you for so long to make good choices for yourself, to take it.
Is there any policy against them continuing to see clients from the groups?
Posted by annierose on April 11, 2006, at 13:33:15
In reply to Re: out of lurkdown...T1 v. T2 dilemma/painful goo » RainDrops, posted by Dinah on April 11, 2006, at 7:50:28
Raindrops,
I realize none of us answered directly the parting gift question --- we reacted more to your desire to continue seeing a T based on your longterm relationship.
So what did you decide to give T2? Have you thought about the questions we raised? Where are you at in this process?
Just thinking about you and hope you are doing okay.
This is the end of the thread.
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