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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 4, 2006, at 14:42:04
I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you. Just two more days for both of us, right? Are you doing okay?
Posted by wishingstar on April 4, 2006, at 22:41:30
In reply to WishingStar -- Are you hanging in there?, posted by TherapyGirl on April 4, 2006, at 14:42:04
I'm still here and holding together.. thank you so much for thinking about me.
I'm sorry for not responding to anyone before, I just went into emotional hiding there for awhile. I'm in a weird place right now.. I'm really not even sure how I feel. Mostly I have just turned off the emotions all together, but occasionally I get a very strong twinge of sad and lonely and missing my T. Pushing everything down was always my coping mechanism growing up, and it still serves me well I guess.
Now a big part of me doesnt want to go back to see her on Thurs. The thing I always hate about therapy is that its just enough to keep the emotions above the surface, but not enough to really be comforting in the long term for me. The first few days were so hard.. now I'm back in the "comfortable" zone. I dont want to leave. I thought about cancelling, but I know thats the wrong thing to do. Part of me is scared that I've become "too well for therapy" in the last 2 weeks because I;m not even really depressed right now.. but I know it doesnt work like that.
I got really mad a few days ago.. I called her voice mail early last week and it said she was out all week. Then I called it on Sat and it said she was out just for Friday (the day before).. so she must have seen clients on Thursday. Thursday isnt even my normal day (except for this week), but it made me angry. Does she not care? Does she not think I really need her? I know its irrational, and I wont bring it up when I see her. Too weird.
Oh well, rambling.. yes, I'm doing okay.
How about you? How was the 2 weeks been for you? I'm sorry for not being more supportive, since I know we're both going through this at the same time. I hope you're hanging in there too. Almost there!
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 5, 2006, at 8:55:57
In reply to Re: WishingStar -- Are you hanging in there?, posted by wishingstar on April 4, 2006, at 22:41:30
Yes, I know the feelings you're describing well. I always, always shut down when my T is out, in spite of my best efforts not to (just because it costs me more in time in the long run, trying to get "un-shut down").
I hear you, also, about not feeling depressed right now. That may be true or it may be the self-protective mechanism and shutting down. You may want to really think that all the way through to see what feels true to you.
I've had a rough two weeks. I thought I was going to be okay, but then there were some family medical emergencies and it all just got too hard without her here. I'm anxious for my appt. on Thursday and hoping that I don't get called out of state for a death in the family between now and then. I barely made it through two weeks -- I don't think I can do three.
One more day, one more day...
Posted by wishingstar on April 5, 2006, at 20:27:07
In reply to Re: WishingStar -- Are you hanging in there? » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on April 5, 2006, at 8:55:57
I'm so sorry to hear about the family medical emergencies.. that must be very scary and hard to deal with, especially with your T out of town. Why do crazy things always have to happen right when the T leaves? It's like some cruel joke. I hope that everything works out and you're able to make it to your appointment tomorrow. What time is it supposed to be? Less than 24 hours now.. :)
Thanks for understanding the "shutting down" thing. It helps to know it isnt just me.
Posted by annierose on April 5, 2006, at 21:29:33
In reply to Re: WishingStar -- Are you hanging in there? » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on April 5, 2006, at 8:55:57
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 6, 2006, at 8:40:23
In reply to Re: Were you able to make your appt? (nm) » TherapyGirl, posted by annierose on April 5, 2006, at 21:29:33
I will be able to go to my appt., WishingStar. Thanks for asking. My family member is still in critical condition, but hanging in there.
2.5 hours to go...
Let me know how your appt. goes, too.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 6, 2006, at 8:44:36
In reply to Re: Were you able to make your appt? (nm) » TherapyGirl, posted by annierose on April 5, 2006, at 21:29:33
Posted by wishingstar on April 6, 2006, at 11:25:01
In reply to WishingStar -- Are you hanging in there?, posted by TherapyGirl on April 4, 2006, at 14:42:04
I just got home from my session.. I'll probably post more later after I have time to process more, but I just wanted to let you know I made it. We talked a little bit about how I felt angry and upset that she left.. but I had a really hard time saying yes, that is actually how I felt. But she knew. I still feel sort of like she doesnt care for leaving me all week, but seeing her helped.. some. I'm sure I'll feel fine again in a week or so.
She lent me a book that she thought I might be interested in today. I plan to read it before I see her next week. It's great to have something out of her office to hold on to.. it makes it, and her, feel more real. I'm sure she has no idea I connect with it in that way though.
We also talked about how I'm afraif of saying anything that might upset or hit a vulnerable place in her. I KNOW she can take care of herself, but I still worry. She basically just told me that she knows that sometimes I need to leave my rational self at the door and that she will take it with a grain of salt, since she knows the anger is coming from a younger part of me... and also that if I was to hit an emotional part of her, it means she has her own work to do and thats fine. She said she appreciated my concern though, and thats big for me.. even if it is irrational because of the therapy/client relationship, at least she knows I care.
16 days was a long time.. even though I'm still feeling sort of shakey about talking to her and wanting to see her, I hope I dont have to do that again.
Posted by wishingstar on April 6, 2006, at 11:26:19
In reply to I made it, posted by wishingstar on April 6, 2006, at 11:25:01
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 6, 2006, at 13:01:45
In reply to I made it, posted by wishingstar on April 6, 2006, at 11:25:01
Wishingstar, I made it too. The session went fairly well. I didn't shut down as much this time (or the added stress of the family emergencies I've been dealing with sent me over the edge), so this session was actually more productive than my sessions usually are after she's been out. She knows it's hard for me and we talked about that some. But we spent most of the time talking about the emergencies and trying to come up with a plan to keep myself safe and sane in dealing with them.
I've got to process, too, so I know how you feel about that. If you feel up to it later, I'm curious about the book your T loaned you. It sounds like you've got a good T.
Posted by wishingstar on April 6, 2006, at 21:18:09
In reply to Re: I made it » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on April 6, 2006, at 13:01:45
I'm so glad to hear you were able to make it to your session and that it went well. :)
The book she lent me is "Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing your Inner Child" by John Bradshaw. I'd been talking about how I feel stupid for still being upset over my childhood when it really wasnt even that bad, as compared to so many peoples experiences... and she suggested I look at this book. I've only read the intro so far but it sounds like it's going to be interesting. :)
Posted by wishingstar on April 6, 2006, at 21:20:03
In reply to Re: I made it » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on April 6, 2006, at 13:01:45
I should add.. apparently the book isnt available on amazon.com to buy (unless you want it on tape), but you can get it from barnes and noble online. :)
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 7, 2006, at 8:19:56
In reply to Re: I made it » TherapyGirl, posted by wishingstar on April 6, 2006, at 21:20:03
Thanks, WishingStar. I'll definitely look into it -- sounds like an interesting book.
Posted by wishingstar on April 7, 2006, at 17:40:18
In reply to Re: I made it, posted by TherapyGirl on April 7, 2006, at 8:19:56
I looked through the book last night and read probably 1/3 of it (randomly though.. not in a row). I have to tell you.. I wasnt that impressed. It is WAYYY too abstract for me. But maybe that says something about my issues (cant get past the intellectual stuff).. anyway.
It's very abstract. I really like the idea of the inner child and listening to him/her, but this... it directs the reader to ask the inner child very specific questions, do very specific things. One example he used was a man (a business executive) whos inner child said it wanted to go to the amusement park, so he took a day off of work and did it. The author raved about the healing powers of doing so.
I obviously cant judge whether this stuff works or not.. but it was a little over the top for me. I just wanted to let you know so that you can make your own choice.. if youre into stuff like that, it'll probably be great for you.
Hope you're doing well.
This is the end of the thread.
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