![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on March 28, 2006, at 17:22:14
Many of you have mentioned the (drastic?) differences between once a week therapy and twice a week therapy.
Can some of you share what you feel the biggest differences are?
Thanks!
Laurie
Posted by Dinah on March 28, 2006, at 17:38:38
In reply to Once a week vs. twice a week, posted by All Done on March 28, 2006, at 17:22:14
Wow. It's hard to verbalize, I think.
There are the more concrete advantages. I called less between sessions and it was easier to contain my emotions between sessions with twice a week therapy. I'd start in immediately with where we left off the previous session, at twice a week therapy, with little lost reaquaintance time. That enabled us to get way deeper than the current once a week arrangement, where we haven't talked about anything that isn't current.
But the less concrete advantages are far more important to me. There is a vast increase in intimacy and emotional connection. There's more of a feeling of support and safety. Of course, that backfired in my case, but how many natural disasters are there, really.
Posted by annierose on March 28, 2006, at 18:15:45
In reply to Once a week vs. twice a week, posted by All Done on March 28, 2006, at 17:22:14
I like the way my T described the difference to me years ago. Sorry if I'm repeating myself.
She told me to imagine being at the beach and digging a deep hole in the sand. You come back next week and you can't find it, it's all filled in, so you have to dig away again. It's hard work, but you're determined, so you keep digging.
Now you decide to visit that same beach only a few days later. You can still see your hole! It has filled in some, but it's visible. You won't have to dig as far to get to the same place you did just a few days ago. In fact, now you have the strength to dig even further.
That analogy always stuck with me. But besides that, I just feel closer to her. There is more continuity between sessions. Focus tends to be less about "what happened last week" and more about ---- I don't know --- just feelings.
When I added the 3rd session, she did warn me, that it's even a stronger pull and very hard to cut back to twice a week --- which may happen as my husband's health insurance benefit for therapy will max out sometime this spring or early summer. I'm not worrying about it until it becomes a reality.
Posted by fallsfall on March 28, 2006, at 19:47:24
In reply to Once a week vs. twice a week, posted by All Done on March 28, 2006, at 17:22:14
I didn't need to use all my energy to survive to the next session. I could use that energy during the sessions to make progress.
And what Dinah and Annierose said...
Posted by Dinah on March 28, 2006, at 19:49:47
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week » All Done, posted by annierose on March 28, 2006, at 18:15:45
I love that analogy!
Posted by LadyBug on March 28, 2006, at 20:15:55
In reply to Once a week vs. twice a week, posted by All Done on March 28, 2006, at 17:22:14
For Me going 2 times a week is something I haven't been able to afford it for a long while. When I'm going through a struggle going a week between appointments is sooooo hard. Like starting a surgery and getting closed up before the surgery is finished. When I only go one time a week, I tend to leave more voice mails for my T. And then she responds by leaving me a voice mail. This week has been one of those hard weeks. We've called back and forth now about 4 times since last Thurs. night. And I'm sure I'll be calling again tomorrow letting her know if I want to keep my scheduled appointment we have for Thurs. night.
If I went 2 times a week, I'd feel more grounded, more solid, and more balanced. But since I can't afford to go 2 times a week, I make the best of my situation. Why does insurance make it do dang hard to go to therapy?
They obviously don't know how helpful it can be, nor how LONG it takes to get anywhere.
LadyBug
Posted by wishingstar on March 28, 2006, at 21:20:01
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week, posted by LadyBug on March 28, 2006, at 20:15:55
I really love the beach analogy. That's exactly how it feels for me. By the time I finally get back a week later, I've pushed down (whether I wanted to or not) any emotions that came up during the last session. It's like I'm on a treadmill or something.. probably a bad analogy, but I keep walking and just never get very far.
Another problem I run into.. Sometimes I want to tell her everything that happened that week, but it's not really what I want to spend the session on.. I just need her to know.. but then we get stuck talking about it for half an hour and never get to what is really important. I have a hard time redirecting sessions once she gets on a topic.
Posted by fairywings on March 28, 2006, at 23:25:57
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week » All Done, posted by annierose on March 28, 2006, at 18:15:45
That's an incredible analogy, I'll have to remember that.
fw
Posted by All Done on March 30, 2006, at 14:46:01
In reply to Once a week vs. twice a week, posted by All Done on March 28, 2006, at 17:22:14
Thanks for all your thoughts and insights!
Annierose, I shared your analogy with my T last night. He really liked it. :)
We talked a little about therapy at twice a week getting "harder before it gets better". I can't imagine feeling any more attached to him. I don't know how much more my nervous system can handle. Literally. My pdoc gave me a prescription for Ativan, but I didn't seem to feel any different when I took it.
My T told me he thinks, by my recent actions, I'm asking for and needing more contact with him. He's right, but I'm afraid of it. I'm also afraid if I add a session, I won't be able to call between sessions because twice a week "should be enough". And I don't know how to control the side of me that decided it's okay to call him and need him so much. He thinks now is a good time to re-evaluate the boundaries. I said, "*re*-evaluate? We never evaluated them in the first place. I just made up what I thought was okay." I imagine I erred on the side of caution.
I begged my T to tell me exactly how many phone calls between sessions are okay with him, until I decide or figure out a way to make two times a week happen. I also wanted to know which of his three phone numbers I'm supposed to use. I told him he needs to write a manual and give it to all his clients before starting therapy with them. Of course, he didn't hand me an outline, but he told me he knows it's *not* enough, if I don't call him at least once between now and Saturday, when I see him again. So, why am I so afraid to call?
Sigh. I'm sorry I'm rambling. I really do appreciate all your thoughts and I think I know twice a week would be helpful. I'm just afraid of getting anymore attached than I already am.
I feel like I'm falling apart. :(
Posted by fairywings on March 31, 2006, at 17:41:32
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week, posted by All Done on March 30, 2006, at 14:46:01
Yep, a manual is what we need - why don't they give us one?....It's like having a kid - no instruction manual.
I don't think I'm allowed to call in betw. sessions. (?) I guess if it were a dior emergency maybe....but if it were an emergency I don't think I'd call anyway. Of course there's no manual so I don't know, and I won't ask, so I guess I won't ever know.
I hope you can make twice a week happen.
fw
Posted by annierose on March 31, 2006, at 23:30:20
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week, posted by All Done on March 30, 2006, at 14:46:01
I'm glad everyone liked my T's analogy. She gave me another one today that I didn't like as much.
Anyway, it is a hard decision, not only financially, but emotionally. I do think you will benefit from the extra session. I see my T 3x per week and I never call between sessions, or if I do, I'm leaving information, not asking her to call me back. In that regard, it's helpful.
We talked today about a "therapy box". And I get to open that box when we meet and then put it back on her shelf before I leave. That way, I can leave her office not holding onto the feelings we just opened up. I liked the idea of dumping everything in her lap better. At least then she was sitting with it. (And that wasn't even the analogy I didn't like today)
Posted by All Done on April 1, 2006, at 0:38:35
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week » All Done, posted by fairywings on March 31, 2006, at 17:41:32
> Yep, a manual is what we need - why don't they give us one?....It's like having a kid - no instruction manual.
What amazes me is that I have more confidence in my parental ability than I do when leaving a message for my T, who's job it is to listen to his clients.
> I don't think I'm allowed to call in betw. sessions. (?) I guess if it were a dior emergency maybe....but if it were an emergency I don't think I'd call anyway. Of course there's no manual so I don't know, and I won't ask, so I guess I won't ever know.
Why won't you ask? I didn't ask before because I didn't feel such a need to call. Once I started feeling this way, I knew I needed to get as much confirmation of the "rules" as I could.
> I hope you can make twice a week happen.
> fwThanks, fairywings. I hope so, too.
((((fairywings))))
Laurie
Posted by All Done on April 1, 2006, at 0:44:08
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week » All Done, posted by annierose on March 31, 2006, at 23:30:20
> We talked today about a "therapy box". And I get to open that box when we meet and then put it back on her shelf before I leave. That way, I can leave her office not holding onto the feelings we just opened up. I liked the idea of dumping everything in her lap better. At least then she was sitting with it. (And that wasn't even the analogy I didn't like today)
The first gift I ever gave my T was a small wooden box to keep *his* stuff since I feel like he keeps my stuff for me in between sessions. He put it on the windowsill and I stare at it every session. He keeps other people's business cards in there in case he ever wants to refer someone. Interestingly enough, I noticed a few weeks ago that he must have too many cards in there and it doesn't close all the way. That's how I feel. I'll have to mention that.
Posted by annierose on April 1, 2006, at 7:10:20
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week » annierose, posted by All Done on April 1, 2006, at 0:44:08
I like your box. And it's super nice that he keeps it in his office and uses it.
Not meaning to switch the subject, but as an aside, I'm already wondering what I will give my T this Christmas. It's so tricky. I saw this beautiful hand blown glass paper weight (@ a glass foundry). Gorgeous colors, nice shape, etc. Then the following week I noticed she already had a glass paper weight on her desk. Bummer.
Back to subject: Is your husband supportive of you going twice a week? It's hard for someone not in therapy to understand the needing to talk, containment between sessions, etc.
Posted by fairywings on April 1, 2006, at 15:01:43
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week » fairywings, posted by All Done on April 1, 2006, at 0:38:35
Yeah, I think the parental ability grows along with our knowledge of our child....but with a T we're just kind of "thrown" into a relationship - they know how it works, but we're either supposed to feel our way through, or ask I guess.
Maybe I will ask. Sometimes I want to call, but then the feeling passes. I think if I called and left a message, by the time he called back I'd feel stupid for calling anyway. Part of it too is that I know he already works long hours, I don't want my pdoc or T to have to call me - even when I felt su/i I didn't call. How did you put it when you asked for confirmation of the rules?
Did you somehow work it out so you could go more often?
fw
Posted by All Done on April 3, 2006, at 17:01:27
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week » All Done, posted by annierose on April 1, 2006, at 7:10:20
> I like your box. And it's super nice that he keeps it in his office and uses it.
Thanks. I think it's great he uses it, too. And even better that I can stare at it all session instead of making eye contact, which, interestingly enough, used to be no problem.
I talked to him about it being too full. This week, I got there and it was closed all the way. Whew!
> Not meaning to switch the subject, but as an aside, I'm already wondering what I will give my T this Christmas. It's so tricky. I saw this beautiful hand blown glass paper weight (@ a glass foundry). Gorgeous colors, nice shape, etc. Then the following week I noticed she already had a glass paper weight on her desk. Bummer.
That is a bummer. I hate when I get a great idea and then realize or find a reason it won't work. Maybe she has a desk at home where she can use it, if you really like it.
I was perusing some books and I ran across "Why a Daughter Needs a Dad: A Hundred Reasons". Mind you, I am in such a state right now that I had no business even opening that book, but, of course, I did. One of the first reasons I found was, "to tuck her in at night". Sigh. And there were so many others that I realize I didn't get from my dad but seem to be needing or wanting from my T. I wonder if I should get him that book and write a few words to him on the pages I like the most. Would that be too hokey? My three-year therapy anniversary is coming up in June.
> Back to subject: Is your husband supportive of you going twice a week? It's hard for someone not in therapy to understand the needing to talk, containment between sessions, etc.
He's getting there. And I've started sharing a few things with him to help him understand that I didn't grow up in the perfect family he and everyone else believed. I don't think he realized how deep and old some of my pain is.
And, I bought him "When Someone You Love is in Therapy". I'm going to read it first, of course. ;)
Posted by All Done on April 3, 2006, at 17:09:03
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week » All Done, posted by fairywings on April 1, 2006, at 15:01:43
> I think if I called and left a message, by the time he called back I'd feel stupid for calling anyway.
I've felt that way, but somehow, I always come up with something to talk to him about. ;)
> Part of it too is that I know he already works long hours, I don't want my pdoc or T to have to call me - even when I felt su/i I didn't call.
Another reason you should ask for their policies. It's important to have a strong support system in place when you feel that way. I do believe they know it's part of their jobs. I know the feeling of not wanting to make their jobs any more difficult, though. :(
> How did you put it when you asked for confirmation of the rules?
I said, "don't you have a book of therapy rules that will tell me when and how often I can call? You really should give your clients a handout when they start to see you." (I try not to beat around the bush much with him.) :) He tried to give me some sort of ambiguous answer, but I pushed for him to tell me how often was too much. He wouldn't do that, but he told me not calling at all wasn't enough.
> Did you somehow work it out so you could go more often?
> fwI'm still working on it. I think it's going to take a little time to adjust our finances, but I'm hoping within two months I can start going two times a week regularly. Until then, maybe two times as really needed.
Posted by annierose on April 3, 2006, at 17:56:50
In reply to Re: Once a week vs. twice a week » annierose, posted by All Done on April 3, 2006, at 17:01:27
Yes, I think your book is a lovely gift idea. Very meaningful and touching. I think it will bring a smile to his face.
I'm glad you are sharing more with your husband about your old pain. It not only helps him understand your current relationship with your family, but deepens your relationship with him. I feel my husband is quite protective over me when I'm with certain family members.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.