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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 28. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 10:50:30
When I saw my T on Wednesday night, I told him that I wanted him to figure out what I need and make sure I get what I need. I used my recent experience with my son to explain. When he was having difficulty at daycare, I asked him what would help and he told me he wanted me there everyday. So, I started calling him each day to remind him I'm coming back and that I love him and care about how his day is going. I told my T I wanted the same thing. I wished he could call me each day.
After that, he said he could call me the next day. It was hard, but I accepted the offer. So, he called last night just to check in. It was about a 15 minute conversation and he ended it by saying, "I'm going to say goodnight, now." Even when I've had late evening sessions, he's never said goodnight, always goodbye. It felt like he brushed away my bangs, kissed me on the forehead, and tucked me in for the night. I wish he could do that every night.
But (of course there's a but) there was no way I could go to sleep after that. It stirred up so many of my emotions surrounding my dad not "being there" to tuck me in. Instead, he would be drinking or passed out in the living room. And my mom worked second shift when I was young. She wouldn't get home until I was already asleep. Who tucked me in? I know sometimes my teenage sisters did, but usually they were busy with their own stuff. I would just read until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.
I felt like I needed to bawl my eyes out, but I couldn't. I stayed up too late and then I just lay in bed until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.
I'm so glad I see him again tomorrow.
Laurie
Posted by milly on March 24, 2006, at 11:21:42
In reply to Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?), posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 10:50:30
That was such a sweet thing to say and isn't it wierd how much 1 word can change things.
It would have unsettled me too.
I'm glad he gave you what you needed even if it was more than you bargained for and glad you see him again soon
milly
Posted by B2chica on March 24, 2006, at 11:30:38
In reply to Re: Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?) » All Done, posted by milly on March 24, 2006, at 11:21:42
i agree, one simple word can mean everything. especially to little kids.
i'm glad you got a good feeling from this (despite the restless sleep).
he sounds like a good T. and maybe he can't call you everynight but maybe he can record something for you and you can listen to it every night. or he can write you some words to read every night...and ALlDone, if i'd been there when youwere little you would have gotten tucked in AND a bedtime story everynight. you could fall asleep to my words (instead of your own).
hugs
b2c.
Posted by LadyBug on March 24, 2006, at 12:19:46
In reply to Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?), posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 10:50:30
Awww, that is so sweet to feel tucked in for the night. I think you should get you T to leave you a voice mail so you could listen to it and feel tucked in everynight.
It must have been painful not to have your dad tuck you in. I'm married to an A, though he doesn't drink but has done so enough times that I know how hard it must have been for you to have him as your dad.
I'm so glad you call your son at the daycare and reassure him of where you are and that you're coming back. It will be so helpful for him, I'm sure of it. Last time my T went out of town, she left me a voice mail and told me she was at the airport and leaving on ***airlines at ***time, when she landed she told me exactly where she was going and where she'd be staying. She told me she'd be back on a certain night and what time. It was SOoooooo helpful for me. After all we each have a little child inside of us that needs what we didn't get as a child.
It's great that your T was willing to call you when you needed it.
LadyBug
Posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 21:01:28
In reply to Re: Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?) » All Done, posted by milly on March 24, 2006, at 11:21:42
> That was such a sweet thing to say and isn't it wierd how much 1 word can change things.
> It would have unsettled me too.
> I'm glad he gave you what you needed even if it was more than you bargained for and glad you see him again soon
> millyIt is weird how I can hear him say one simple word and it gives me so much comfort. Then again, even the mere sound of his voice seems to be enough to relax me at least some. No, wait. It doesn't even have to be the sound of his voice. You know when you pick up the phone or check a message and there's a little familiar silence before someone you know starts talking? I even like to "not hear" that. Sigh.
Thanks for the kind words, milly. I hope you're doing alright.
Laurie
Posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 21:04:30
In reply to Re: Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?), posted by B2chica on March 24, 2006, at 11:30:38
> i agree, one simple word can mean everything. especially to little kids.
I've been feeling so young lately. It's kind of a new experience for me. Well, at least recognizing that I'm feeling young is a new experience.
> i'm glad you got a good feeling from this (despite the restless sleep).
> he sounds like a good T. and maybe he can't call you everynight but maybe he can record something for you and you can listen to it every night. or he can write you some words to read every night...It would be nice if I could get the courage to ask for something like that.
> and ALlDone, if i'd been there when youwere little you would have gotten tucked in AND a bedtime story everynight. you could fall asleep to my words (instead of your own).
> hugs
> b2c.Thank you b2c. It means a lot to me to have so much support here. You're very sweet.
Laurie
Posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 21:11:25
In reply to Re: Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?) » All Done, posted by LadyBug on March 24, 2006, at 12:19:46
> Awww, that is so sweet to feel tucked in for the night. I think you should get you T to leave you a voice mail so you could listen to it and feel tucked in everynight.
Maybe I'll eventually ask him. Or maybe I'll just blurt it out tomorrow. I don't even know what to expect of myself in therapy anymore.
> It must have been painful not to have your dad tuck you in. I'm married to an A, though he doesn't drink but has done so enough times that I know how hard it must have been for you to have him as your dad.
I think I'm just realizing or admitting how painful it was. It's so hard to think of my dad as anything but perfect. Especially since he passed away. :(
> I'm so glad you call your son at the daycare and reassure him of where you are and that you're coming back. It will be so helpful for him, I'm sure of it. Last time my T went out of town, she left me a voice mail and told me she was at the airport and leaving on ***airlines at ***time, when she landed she told me exactly where she was going and where she'd be staying. She told me she'd be back on a certain night and what time. It was SOoooooo helpful for me. After all we each have a little child inside of us that needs what we didn't get as a child.
That was really great of her. It sounds like she was really in tune with your needs at the time.
> It's great that your T was willing to call you when you needed it.
> LadyBugIt was great of him. I think I'm very fortunate to have him as a T.
Thanks, LadyBug.
Laurie
Posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 21:24:34
In reply to Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?), posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 10:50:30
When my T called, it was the first time I've ever tried to talk to him from my house while my son was there. I had asked him to wait quietly while I was on an important call, but apparently some things just can't wait. In the middle of my T saying something (probaly quite profound ;)), my son told me he had to go poo. He was kind of quiet, so I just nodded my head and pointed to the bathroom. (He knows where to go. Why he had to announce it is beyond me.) That wasn't enough, though. I don't know if he thought I didn't hear or what but he proceeded to yell, "MOM! I have to go POOP!" At that point, my generally calm, cool T stumbled over his words a little bit.
Oh, the joy of living with a little boy. Then again, I think I'd be more embarrassed if it was my husband. Don't laugh. I wouldn't put it past him. :)
Posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2006, at 22:04:32
In reply to Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?), posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 10:50:30
What a comforting feeling. I hope that you can keep that feeling in your mind and relive it over and over and over again.
I'm glad that he could give you what you need.
Posted by Daisym on March 24, 2006, at 23:44:28
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing, posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 21:24:34
:) I love it! Got to love those boys!
I can feel the warmth spreading from the phone through you, all tucked tight under those blankets, feeling safe and secure and cared for. Everyone deserves to have and keep this feeling. Every child. Every adult. I'm glad he could do this for you.
It sounds like you have touch in on a very painful place around your dad, one which makes you feel young and vulnerable and sad. No wonder you need your therapist so much. And your younger self needs a lot of contact to make sure that the abandonment she felt before (and caused, right? Isn't there some magical thinking of children that assumes they are the reason bad things happen?) doesn't happen again. Overlay the adult who is mortified to have these feelings and needs and you have a painful, convoluted mess. It is difficult to sort it all out, especially alone. I'm glad you are seeing him tomorrow too.
((((Laurie))))
Posted by milly on March 25, 2006, at 7:14:13
In reply to Re: Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?) » milly, posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 21:01:28
> No, wait. It doesn't even have to be the sound of his voice. You know when you pick up the phone or check a message and there's a little familiar silence before someone you know starts talking? I even like to "not hear" that. Sigh.
** Oh Laurie, you put that soooo well
I just long to 'not hear' the pause that comes just before he speaks as if he is checking that what he is about to say is just right.> Thanks for the kind words, milly. I hope you're doing alright.
** thanks for asking, not brilliant but coping! Soon I will never 'not hear' the pause again!! Termination on 4/4 very sad and NOT ready.
Sorry didn't mean to shout!
milly
Posted by All Done on March 26, 2006, at 13:59:36
In reply to Re: Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?) » All Done, posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2006, at 22:04:32
> What a comforting feeling. I hope that you can keep that feeling in your mind and relive it over and over and over again.
>
> I'm glad that he could give you what you need.It was and is a very comforting feeling. I'm a bit surprised, but I've been able to hang on to his words for a while, now. And since, in my session yesterday, I asked him to leave a message saying goodnight and he did, I'll have that if I find I'm unable to get back to that nice place on my own.
Thanks for being around, falls.
Love,
Laurie
Posted by All Done on March 26, 2006, at 14:08:33
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing, posted by Daisym on March 24, 2006, at 23:44:28
> And your younger self needs a lot of contact to make sure that the abandonment she felt before (and caused, right? Isn't there some magical thinking of children that assumes they are the reason bad things happen?) doesn't happen again.
This is exactly how I feel. I haven't cried in session in a very long time, but yesterday, I told my T that I think I want too much. As soon as I said it, the tears came. I really feel like I'm asking for too much and it must be what pushed or pushes people (my parents? schoolmates?) away from me.
So far, though, I don't think I've pushed him too far. In fact, he wants to see me more often and he said it's okay to call. It feels good, but very, very scary to me. I wonder how much I'm going to let myself push and ask for things. I've already asked for way more than I ever thought I should or would. But, exactly what I was afraid of is happening. Once I start asking, I wonder if I'll be able to stop. I told him I'm afraid of that, but he didn't seem concerned.
I don't know. I feel like a ball of screwed up emotions right now.
Thanks, Daisy. Thank you for understanding.
Laurie
Posted by All Done on March 26, 2006, at 14:12:58
In reply to Re: Tucked in for the night (maybe trigger?), posted by milly on March 25, 2006, at 7:14:13
> > Thanks for the kind words, milly. I hope you're doing alright.
>
> ** thanks for asking, not brilliant but coping! Soon I will never 'not hear' the pause again!! Termination on 4/4 very sad and NOT ready.
> Sorry didn't mean to shout!
> millyI'm so sorry about your termination that's looming. ((((milly))))
Even when I had simply the potential that I would have to terminate with my T, I was so sad and scared.
I hate that you're in the situation you're in. It always seems way more unfortunate when you are being *told* what you can or can't do instead of having the freedom to make your own choice.
Make sure you stick around here and we'll help you through it as much as we can.
Take good care,
Laurie
Posted by gardenergirl on March 31, 2006, at 14:04:37
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing » Daisym, posted by All Done on March 26, 2006, at 14:08:33
>
> This is exactly how I feel. I haven't cried in session in a very long time, but yesterday, I told my T that I think I want too much. As soon as I said it, the tears came. I really feel like I'm asking for too much and it must be what pushed or pushes people (my parents? schoolmates?) away from me.
>You know, when I read this, I was reminded of your mother. I wonder if the difficulty you have in feeling as if you want too much from people is related to that. She wanted more than a child could give (if I remember correctly) and still wants a great deal of your time and attention. So you know the burden of someone asking too much of you. Of course you'd be sensitive to not wanting to "inflict that" on others.
And you also know the void from never getting enough, I would guess. That's so painful. And it feels like it will always be a deep well. At least it has to me. When I start to feel selfish, greedy, or too "needy", my T reminds me that there was never enough to go around when I was a kid (not material things, but love and attention), and it makes sense that I would feel like I need to "grab it" when I can.
Does any of this resonate?
And since I feel privileged to call you my friend, I thought I'd share with you my perspective that you've never asked me too much or seemed too needy. In case you worry about that....
((((Alldone))))
gg
Posted by annierose on March 31, 2006, at 16:11:04
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing » All Done, posted by gardenergirl on March 31, 2006, at 14:04:37
Hmmmmm ... that was good food for thought for me too. I like insight (most of the time).
Posted by All Done on April 1, 2006, at 0:33:48
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing » All Done, posted by gardenergirl on March 31, 2006, at 14:04:37
You are very right, gg. My mom did and does push way too much with everyone. I alwyas say, "give her an inch and she takes a road trip".
I'm deathly afraid of turning into her. :(
Thanks for letting me know I've never been too much for you. I do worry about imposing on all my friends.
Hugs back to you,
Laurie
Posted by All Done on April 1, 2006, at 0:34:25
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing » gardenergirl, posted by annierose on March 31, 2006, at 16:11:04
Posted by gardenergirl on April 2, 2006, at 10:04:22
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing » gardenergirl, posted by annierose on March 31, 2006, at 16:11:04
> Hmmmmm ... that was good food for thought for me too. I like insight (most of the time).
Glad it helped. I like insight most of the time, too. Except when I'm in an "insight-schminsight" mood. Then I think it s*cks.
My T must love me.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on April 2, 2006, at 10:06:19
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing » gardenergirl, posted by All Done on April 1, 2006, at 0:33:48
Road trip....that's great! It's good to have humor about painful things.
I think we need to start a "We are not our mothers" club. We can have meetings at Starbucks!
Who's in?
gg
Posted by fallsfall on April 2, 2006, at 11:58:15
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing ? All Done, posted by gardenergirl on April 2, 2006, at 10:06:19
I'm not my father, can I come, too?
Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2006, at 15:58:53
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing » All Done, posted by gardenergirl on April 2, 2006, at 10:06:19
Posted by annierose on April 2, 2006, at 22:20:39
In reply to Re: One kind of funny thing » All Done, posted by gardenergirl on April 2, 2006, at 10:06:19
I'm definitely not my mother.
My T thinks I try too hard to not be like her. I don't think I'm not trying, it's just that I'm not like her.
I live in reality. She lives in a very nice town called Denial. It's very crowded there too. I visit from time to time, but I never stay too long.
Posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 7:29:48
In reply to I'm in (nm) » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2006, at 15:58:53
Oh boy, am I in!
Posted by B2chica on April 3, 2006, at 9:25:15
In reply to I'm in ..., posted by annierose on April 2, 2006, at 22:20:39
count me in...oh, and annirose my 'mother's' from the town of denial also. i wonder if they know eachother. maybe they have meetings??
b2c.
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