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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by milly on February 21, 2006, at 12:08:12
Therapy today was really good, worked really hard, was really honest etc etc and then as I was putting my coat on I did something really dumb! I suddenly said 'Were those roses that arrived at the front desk as I left last week (Valentines day) for you? It's been bugging me all week - I just need to know!
Well he didn't say anything, no smile infact I thought he looked mildly annoyed with me and I just rushed from the room yelling 'Sh*t, I knew I shouldn't expect a truthful answer from you'
It's not the first time I've brought up something like that just as I leave, almost as a 'throw away remark' but it is usually something quite big really.I'm dreading next week now I'm so embarressed
Do you think he might forget?
milly
Posted by bent on February 21, 2006, at 12:55:15
In reply to I think I've just done something really dumb!, posted by milly on February 21, 2006, at 12:08:12
that would tick me off for him not respond. do u think he was caught off guard or has this happened before? I could see sorta jokingly asking my T the same question you asked yours and she may not answer me honestly but i am sure she'd say something. I'm sorry. He may forget but I couldnt and would want to talk about it. But i know, easier said than done.
Posted by annierose on February 21, 2006, at 14:24:39
In reply to I think I've just done something really dumb!, posted by milly on February 21, 2006, at 12:08:12
I don't think that was a dumb question at all. I think your T should have answered, he didn't need to give you a long answer, maybe just a "Yes" answered in a kind, loving tone.
Don't feel bad. All questions are important in therapy. There is no bad question, just bad answers (IMO).
And you should expect a truthful answer, even if it's "I'm sorry, I can't answer that question right now."
(((((Milly))))))))
Posted by B2chica on February 22, 2006, at 9:08:01
In reply to I think I've just done something really dumb!, posted by milly on February 21, 2006, at 12:08:12
NOTHING????
i think that's wrong. what's the big deal, he could have even lied to you and said yes a secret admirer or no i wish ...SOMETHING. but to just stand there and not answer. i hope he was just caught off guard. i understand them needing to protect their personal life but geeess! that's rediculous.you should not feel bad, at all! you asked in a fun way it's not like you asked him if he's had a visectomy or anything!!!
man...
Posted by Tamar on February 23, 2006, at 17:15:17
In reply to I think I've just done something really dumb!, posted by milly on February 21, 2006, at 12:08:12
Hi Milly,
I don’t think we’ve talked before. It’s nice to meet you :)
> Therapy today was really good, worked really hard, was really honest etc etc and then as I was putting my coat on I did something really dumb! I suddenly said 'Were those roses that arrived at the front desk as I left last week (Valentines day) for you? It's been bugging me all week - I just need to know!
NOT dumb! Very normal and understandable! And I guess he didn’t realise that roses arrived just as you were leaving, or he should have anticipated your question.
> Well he didn't say anything, no smile infact I thought he looked mildly annoyed with me and I just rushed from the room yelling 'Sh*t, I knew I shouldn't expect a truthful answer from you'
Are you sure he looked annoyed, rather than puzzled? I know if someone asked me that question I’d probably frown and think “Roses? I don’t remember any roses… Oh wait, was that Valentines day?” And it might look like annoyance but it would just be at attempt to remember.
And of course if the roses weren’t for him, he might have known nothing about it and it probably didn’t occur to him when you mentioned it that the previous week was Valentine’s day.
On the other hand, if the roses *were* for him, they were probably from another client, because I can’t believe a therapist’s wife would ever send him flowers at work (too much potential for client angst). So maybe his facial expression indicated his feelings about that. I dunno… But I seriously doubt he was annoyed at you.
> It's not the first time I've brought up something like that just as I leave, almost as a 'throw away remark' but it is usually something quite big really.
I am familiar with that experience!
> I'm dreading next week now I'm so embarressed
> Do you think he might forget?You know what? He probably won’t forget, but he probably won’t mention it unless you do. (Well, if he’s anything like my therapist…)
And that’s hard because if you want to discuss it you have to bring it up again and you might find that embarrassing.
On the other hand, he’s a therapist and should understand that whenever you raise something embarrassing you’re (a) being very brave, and (b) addressing something that’s important and difficult for you. And he should be sympathetic.I really don’t think there’s anything to be embarrassed about. It’s very natural to wonder whether those roses were for him. I would have wondered the same thing. I think most people would have wondered. And I can totally understand why you were upset when he didn’t respond immediately. It’s as if he’s keeping himself separate from you and refusing to share himself with you. But I think if you’re able to talk it through with him next time (hard though that will be) he should be able to reassure you and remind you that you are in fact very important to him.
Try not to worry too much… I’m sure he doesn’t think any less of you.
Tamar
Posted by milly on February 24, 2006, at 12:50:06
In reply to Re: I think I've just done something really dumb! » milly, posted by Tamar on February 23, 2006, at 17:15:17
Thanks Tamar, Your post really helped.
We haven't spoken before so 'Hi' and thanks for the welcome.
Everything you said made sense, I did take him by surprise and I guess his expression could have been puzzled. If they wern't for him then it was highly likely he wouldn't have even known of their arrival.
Thanks for making me feel normal about wondering and wanting to know and I'll see how brave I am as to whether I bring it up next week.
Thanks again Milly
Posted by milly on February 24, 2006, at 12:52:47
In reply to Re: I think I've just done something really dumb!, posted by B2chica on February 22, 2006, at 9:08:01
Hi B2,
I think I did take him off guard and then probably over reacted before he had a chance to reply (but I'm still not convinced he was going to)
milly
Posted by milly on February 24, 2006, at 12:55:58
In reply to Re: I think I've just done something really dumb! » milly, posted by bent on February 21, 2006, at 12:55:15
Hi, I don't think we've met (I'm new)Thanks for your post it helped.
On reflection the time I allowed for his reaction was very short (before rushing from the room!) so if I'm being fair he may have been going to say something but didn't get the chance.
milly
Posted by milly on February 24, 2006, at 12:58:11
In reply to Re: I think I've just done something really dumb! » milly, posted by annierose on February 21, 2006, at 14:24:39
Thanks annierose, that helps me feel slightly less dumb
milly
This is the end of the thread.
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