Posted by Tamar on February 23, 2006, at 17:15:17
In reply to I think I've just done something really dumb!, posted by milly on February 21, 2006, at 12:08:12
Hi Milly,
I don’t think we’ve talked before. It’s nice to meet you :)
> Therapy today was really good, worked really hard, was really honest etc etc and then as I was putting my coat on I did something really dumb! I suddenly said 'Were those roses that arrived at the front desk as I left last week (Valentines day) for you? It's been bugging me all week - I just need to know!
NOT dumb! Very normal and understandable! And I guess he didn’t realise that roses arrived just as you were leaving, or he should have anticipated your question.
> Well he didn't say anything, no smile infact I thought he looked mildly annoyed with me and I just rushed from the room yelling 'Sh*t, I knew I shouldn't expect a truthful answer from you'
Are you sure he looked annoyed, rather than puzzled? I know if someone asked me that question I’d probably frown and think “Roses? I don’t remember any roses… Oh wait, was that Valentines day?” And it might look like annoyance but it would just be at attempt to remember.
And of course if the roses weren’t for him, he might have known nothing about it and it probably didn’t occur to him when you mentioned it that the previous week was Valentine’s day.
On the other hand, if the roses *were* for him, they were probably from another client, because I can’t believe a therapist’s wife would ever send him flowers at work (too much potential for client angst). So maybe his facial expression indicated his feelings about that. I dunno… But I seriously doubt he was annoyed at you.
> It's not the first time I've brought up something like that just as I leave, almost as a 'throw away remark' but it is usually something quite big really.
I am familiar with that experience!
> I'm dreading next week now I'm so embarressed
> Do you think he might forget?You know what? He probably won’t forget, but he probably won’t mention it unless you do. (Well, if he’s anything like my therapist…)
And that’s hard because if you want to discuss it you have to bring it up again and you might find that embarrassing.
On the other hand, he’s a therapist and should understand that whenever you raise something embarrassing you’re (a) being very brave, and (b) addressing something that’s important and difficult for you. And he should be sympathetic.I really don’t think there’s anything to be embarrassed about. It’s very natural to wonder whether those roses were for him. I would have wondered the same thing. I think most people would have wondered. And I can totally understand why you were upset when he didn’t respond immediately. It’s as if he’s keeping himself separate from you and refusing to share himself with you. But I think if you’re able to talk it through with him next time (hard though that will be) he should be able to reassure you and remind you that you are in fact very important to him.
Try not to worry too much… I’m sure he doesn’t think any less of you.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:611701
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/612526.html