![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on February 17, 2006, at 14:46:56
I need him and I refuse to let somebody who came into my life who means so much, leave me because of so called ethics.
Even if I have to wait 2 years, I will do whatever. I won't let him leave me. I want a relationship with him and I am going to have one. I won't give up on it.
We are so connected, even more than before, and I won't let that die. I want to be the exception. I know he would enjoy talking to me socially ( he said so) and he also said it sucks for him that we are not suppose to be social.
Well we are going to, dang it. I refuse to let go. I won't do it. I won't take no for an answer.
Posted by Voce on February 17, 2006, at 16:16:52
In reply to I won't let my T leave me, nope, never ever, posted by happyflower on February 17, 2006, at 14:46:56
Is he married?
Voce
Posted by happyflower on February 17, 2006, at 17:17:47
In reply to Re: I won't let my T leave me, nope, never ever » happyflower, posted by Voce on February 17, 2006, at 16:16:52
yes, but I think it isn't a happy marriage based on stuff he has said.
I don't think I want to marry the guy, I just want to have a social friendly relationship with him where we can talk about our common interestes over coffee. Nothing too deep or personal, not therapy, just light topics of interests. I just want to meet like once a month and keep in touch with each other.
1/2 of my session are not like therapy anyways, we are just chatting. Now yes, I do need social practice,(which could be what you call that we do), but I do think he gets something out of it too because we talk about his stuff too. (almost equal his stuff, my stuff) He is mainly helping me with "support" of enhancing my life. The bad stuff from he past is mostly dealt with. I have a marriage plan. Now it is just how to make the most out of my life (even in an unhappy marriage).
We have chemistry, we like each other, we enjoy each others company, we have a lot in common, and we care about each other, we could talk for hours and the time would just fly by.
I know the ethics rules, and he is ethical, but there is a window for therapists and clients to have a outside relationship after therapy. He says he won't have a social relationship with me after therapy, but I don't believe he means it. Plus I have read that they ethically have to say this anyways DURING therapy. So I guess I won't know anything 100% till after I am done (which is in the very near future, (early summer).
I am willing to follow the rules.
Posted by happyflower on February 17, 2006, at 17:31:25
In reply to Re: I won't let my T leave me, nope, never ever » Voce, posted by happyflower on February 17, 2006, at 17:17:47
I also plan on telling him I won't let our connecton die. I believe I am strong enough to see him as he is (not a super human). I know a lot of his faults, some I have discovered myself, and some that he has disclosed. I don't believe there is anything I would discover about him that would undo the effects of therapy. I can handle the real him in the real world.
I know we can't have a romantic relationship, that I do know, and am not expecting that either.
I just want to keep the connection alive between us by visiting with each other once a month over coffee or drinks. That is all I really want.
Posted by happyflower on February 17, 2006, at 23:32:47
In reply to Re: I won't let my T leave me, nope, never ever, posted by happyflower on February 17, 2006, at 17:31:25
about my T , the pscho board gets very quiet?
It's okay it you don't agree with me or what my T does. I already know how some of you feel about it.
I am just trying to talk about my feelings, that is all, even if they might not be perfect in a perfect world. And just because I want something I probably won't get it, I NEVER do.
Posted by frida on February 18, 2006, at 0:55:48
In reply to Is it me or my imagination that everytime I talk, posted by happyflower on February 17, 2006, at 23:32:47
dear happyflower,
hi, I wanted to send you my support, and tell you that I understand about not wanting to lose that precious connection.
i actually feel that way about my T, she's female, older than me...I see her as a 'mother figure'..but I feel we share such a deep connection, soul connection...I won't find that with someone else..
I want to stay connected, I wouldn't stand to lose that connection..
I still have a long way to go in T...but my idea is to see her every now and then (in the future) and stay connected...see her, talk to her. I don't want to lose that connection. she's been so important to me and given me things that have shaped who i am.I don't know if your T would agree to a social relationship...have you considered seeing him (after T is over) once a month, or so, but still as your T? meeting in his office, to update him on how you've been, and just share?
Sending you support,
Frida
Posted by happyflower on February 18, 2006, at 11:42:24
In reply to Re: Is it me or my imagination that everytime I talk » happyflower, posted by frida on February 18, 2006, at 0:55:48
thank you so much for your Post. my Keyboard is messing up so this may look a little funny with all the typos.IsPILLED mILK on iT this MORNING. REALLY4lol!
ITseems like we have simular feelings for our t"s>
i don"T ever want to LOSE MY conNECTON to him, i neED hiM. HE HAS HELPED mY lIFE sO mUCH aND iS lIKE mY chEERLEADER.
ihave onlY felT this tYpE of boND WITH 2 OTHERS iN mY LIFE AND I DON'T WANT TO GIVE HIM UP.
I WANT HIM IN MY LIFE, AND I BELIEVE HE WOULD LIKE TO BE THERE TOO. i guess time will tell.thanKyou so much, iam gladiam not alone in my feelings>:
Posted by happyflower on February 18, 2006, at 12:01:49
In reply to Re: Is it me or my imagination that everytime I talk » frida, posted by happyflower on February 18, 2006, at 11:42:24
to anwser your question, yesIWOUld CONSIder to See him in his office once In Awhile to keep In touch , If this is my only option.
ItWOULD JUSt FEEL Weird To pay Him to Do That. it kinda feels weird for me to pay him now.
Posted by Voce on February 18, 2006, at 23:48:26
In reply to frida, posted by happyflower on February 18, 2006, at 12:01:49
Oh my dear HF, I just want you to be happy and safe. I certainly understand how much you desire to have a personable relationship with your T after therapy. I would LOVE to meet my former T for coffee and "catch up" and probably learn more things about him (I know so little). I guess that is something you and your T will have to work out when you terminate. I just want you to be okay.
Posted by Tamar on February 19, 2006, at 16:42:56
In reply to I won't let my T leave me, nope, never ever, posted by happyflower on February 17, 2006, at 14:46:56
Hi Happyflower!
You know I understand where you’re coming from! And yes, even though I’m not feeling the romantic stuff for my therapist at the moment, I still have a very strong wish to be friends with him some time in the future when I’m healthy and happy and not in need of any more therapy.
I find it much easier to accept that I can’t have a sexual relationship with my therapist. There are lots of people I shouldn’t have sex with; he’s just one more. But I feel so sad at the idea that we can’t be friends. And the thing is… maybe we can be friends, but it can’t happen right now. I sometimes wonder if wishing for a future friendship puts a strain on the present therapeutic relationship. Maybe; maybe not.
One thing I’m trying to get to grips with is this: since the desire for friendship is so strong, it may be partly transferential. I don’t think it’s 100% transference because I really do have a chemistry with him that doesn’t happen with everyone. But I think it is probably partly transference. And I think if I can work through the transferential part of it perhaps what’s left will be the part that isn’t transferential. So I’m currently asking myself what the idea of his friendship gives me at a symbolic level.
I guess all I’m saying is that it may indeed be possible for you to have a friendship with your therapist at some point in the future. But maybe there is a little bit of transference in there too, and if you explore what the idea of his friendship means to you it might actually give you a better basis for the real thing one day in the future.
Just my two cents…
Tamar
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.