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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 19:23:48
I've been meaning to post for nearly a week, but my computer was playing silly games and I couldn't access anything on the internet. Turned out I had to uninstall and reinstall my antivirus software... Yuck.
My mother-in-law smiled at me today! It's the first time I've seen her smile in a month (it's a month today since the car accident).
I miss her. It was my son's birthday a week ago and it was very strange having a party without her. I love her so much; I just want to be able to hug her. I want to be able to chat to her. I want her to come home. She's improving, but very slowly. However, it's looking as if she's going to survive, which is astounding. Most of the doctors and nurses say they've never treated anyone which such serious injuries. So she's doing well just to be breathing.
I'm not doing well at all... I'm now on the maximum dose of Prozac and I've been feeling a bit suicidal. I actually came up with a plan a few days ago but I changed my mind and instead of going for a drive by myself I took my mother. I reckoned having someone with me would stop me from doing anything foolish.
So in desperation I left a message for my ex-T to call me. He left a message on my machine two days ago. It was great to hear his voice. I'll call him back tomorrow and a chat with him should help a bit. I'm feeling less transferential though, so I don't know if talking to him will give me the incentive I need to stay alive.
I see my GP tomorrow. I want to tell her about my suicidal feelings but I'm afraid she'll want to hospitalize me and I really don't want to go into hospital right now; my husband and kids have enough to deal with as it is...
Missing you all. I hope to be able to get back to posting more regularly... it may take a little more time...
Love,
Tamar
Posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2006, at 19:57:10
In reply to Another update (***poss triggers***), posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 19:23:48
> >
> My mother-in-law smiled at me today! It's the first time I've seen her smile in a month (it's a month today since the car accident).That's wonderful!
>
> I miss her. It was my son's birthday a week ago and it was very strange having a party without her. I love her so much; I just want to be able to hug her. I want to be able to chat to her. I want her to come home.That's very sweet. I hope she continues to improve and you get her back and home even sooner than predicted. I'm sure she knows just how much you care, too. She's a lucky woman to have such a loving daughter-in-law.
>
> I'm not doing well at all... I'm now on the maximum dose of Prozac and I've been feeling a bit suicidal. I actually came up with a plan a few days ago but I changed my mind and instead of going for a drive by myself I took my mother. I reckoned having someone with me would stop me from doing anything foolish.
>Sounds like that was a good plan. I'm sorry about the suicidal feelings. That must be really difficult. I'm glad you called someone. Do tell your GP. If you are able to work with her on a plan to keep you safe, she may not jump right to hospitalization.
((((((Tamar)))))))
Take care of yourself. You sound like a very special mother, wife, daughter, and daughter-in-law, and I know you're a very special Babbler.
Stay in touch when you can,
gg
Posted by annierose on January 26, 2006, at 20:48:51
In reply to Another update (***poss triggers***), posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 19:23:48
(((((((((Tamar)))))))))
I'm so glad you called your T and he left you a message. I hope you get to talk to him via phone and face-to-face very very soon. You need support right now. And I know how much he helped you in the past. Please call him back asap!!
I'm glad your mother-in-law is responding to your face. A smile is such a wonderful gesture to warm your soul.
Please take extra good care of yourself. You are a good person. You are so wise. You are a mother with children who love and adore you and think they are the luckiest kids in the world with you as their mother. Hold onto that. Sneak into their rooms at night and look at those beautiful faces. Remember they need you. And love you just the way you are.
I wish I could do more for you. Sending you loving thoughts and kindness.
Annie
Posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 22:18:16
In reply to Another update (***poss triggers***), posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 19:23:48
Hey Tamar. Hang in there. Kinda up and down your life right now. Must be tiring. Are you actively suicidal? or is it more ideation? I'm on AD and all a sudden I get ideation where there was none b4. I'm not even feeling that bad. Its just there.
If you actively suicidal you need to do what you need to do to keep youself safe. If not for youself then for the kids. I think having a ma in hosp. a short time to get stabilized is way better than no mom and wondering why.
We need you here too Tamar, we miss you when you not around. You a beautiful soul and lotsa fun!
Glad to hear your family doing better :-)
thats good.
Glad you getting connected w/you T too. Thats good.
I really like you Tamar.
Powerhugs Tamar {{{{{{{{{{{{{Tamar}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
muffled
Posted by Daisym on January 27, 2006, at 0:36:35
In reply to Another update (***poss triggers***), posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 19:23:48
I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I'm glad your mother-in-law is doing better.
I think you might need to get off Prozac and onto something else. I did not react well to it but have done much better on Wellbutrin and Cymbalta. (you can't count this past week or my current state)
Please keep yourself safe. I would miss you if you weren't here anymore.
(((Tamar)))
Posted by caraher on January 27, 2006, at 7:18:05
In reply to Re: Another update (***poss triggers***) » Tamar, posted by Daisym on January 27, 2006, at 0:36:35
(((Tamar)))
It's good to hear from you, even if the news isn't all good. I sympathize with your desire not to be hospitalized, but obviously acting on suicidal thoughts is FAR worse than inpatient status! (Indeed, that's likely where you'd end up anyway, so why not cut out the "middleman?") Do what it takes to stay safe - we (your family and Babbleland, just for starters) need you!
Daisym wrote,
> I think you might need to get off Prozac and onto something else. I did not react well to it but have done much better on Wellbutrin and Cymbalta. (you can't count this past week or my current state)
How long has it been with Prozac? Probably close to long enough to have "kicked in" if it is ever going to. Like Daisy, I wasn't fond of my straight SSRI trial (I took Paxil rather than Prozac, and felt it mostly made me more apathetic) and am also currently on a Cymbalta/Wellbutrin mix. So I agree that it may be time to push for a different drug.
Posted by Dinah on January 27, 2006, at 10:24:37
In reply to Another update (***poss triggers***), posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 19:23:48
I'm really glad about your mother in law. And I find it so beautiful that you feel so strongly about her.
You've been under so much stress, and I understand how you might want to get away from all that pain. But I also know that you know how much pain your family would feel in losing you. So I'm glad you're doing what you need to do to stay safe.
Tamar, I really admire you as a person. The world would be such a poorer place without you.
Posted by happyflower on January 27, 2006, at 18:58:01
In reply to Re: Another update (***poss triggers***) » Tamar, posted by Dinah on January 27, 2006, at 10:24:37
I am glad your MIL is doing better, that is good news. But I am really worried about you, it just doesn't seem like you to give up on everything.
Do you think you could take a break from your MIL and nurture yourself for a couple of days.
You must be feeling exhausted and stressed out because of all of this. Please take care of yourself, we love you here, you are wonderful! :)
Posted by damos on January 27, 2006, at 20:18:22
In reply to Another update (***poss triggers***), posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 19:23:48
Hey Tamar :-)
So nice to see you. Thanks for your kind wishes about my health.
Glad to see your MIL is slowly on the mend. The love you express for her is a beautiful thing.
Please take care of yourself and yes have others around you if you start to have those thoughts. We need you and your sweetness and wisdom to be with us for a whole lot longer okay.
Big safe hugs and lots of good wishes,
((((((((((Tamar))))))))))
Posted by fairywings on January 28, 2006, at 20:46:38
In reply to Another update (***poss triggers***), posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 19:23:48
Hi Tamar,
I'm glad your mother in law is so much better. She'll have a long way to go, but she's blessed to have such a wonderful daughter in law, who will be there to see her through all of this.
Like daisy and caraher I didn't react well to the SSRI's, had more depression. Is it possible the Prozac is adding to your depression?
Please tell your GP if you're still having such strong feelings. Keep yourself safe and talk to your ex T, it might make you feel strong enough to keep going.
fw
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