Posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 19:23:48
I've been meaning to post for nearly a week, but my computer was playing silly games and I couldn't access anything on the internet. Turned out I had to uninstall and reinstall my antivirus software... Yuck.
My mother-in-law smiled at me today! It's the first time I've seen her smile in a month (it's a month today since the car accident).
I miss her. It was my son's birthday a week ago and it was very strange having a party without her. I love her so much; I just want to be able to hug her. I want to be able to chat to her. I want her to come home. She's improving, but very slowly. However, it's looking as if she's going to survive, which is astounding. Most of the doctors and nurses say they've never treated anyone which such serious injuries. So she's doing well just to be breathing.
I'm not doing well at all... I'm now on the maximum dose of Prozac and I've been feeling a bit suicidal. I actually came up with a plan a few days ago but I changed my mind and instead of going for a drive by myself I took my mother. I reckoned having someone with me would stop me from doing anything foolish.
So in desperation I left a message for my ex-T to call me. He left a message on my machine two days ago. It was great to hear his voice. I'll call him back tomorrow and a chat with him should help a bit. I'm feeling less transferential though, so I don't know if talking to him will give me the incentive I need to stay alive.
I see my GP tomorrow. I want to tell her about my suicidal feelings but I'm afraid she'll want to hospitalize me and I really don't want to go into hospital right now; my husband and kids have enough to deal with as it is...
Missing you all. I hope to be able to get back to posting more regularly... it may take a little more time...
Love,
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:603146
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/603146.html