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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2006, at 15:31:40
If one has absolutely no appreciation of the things that grownups derive pleasure from?
Posted by 10derHeart on January 15, 2006, at 16:25:25
In reply to Can one really be a grownup, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2006, at 15:31:40
Such as...?
If you feel like elaborating, that is.
Posted by sleepygirl on January 15, 2006, at 17:03:50
In reply to Can one really be a grownup, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2006, at 15:31:40
I keep trying....but I'm only guessing. I think I missed that train.
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2006, at 17:29:13
In reply to Re: Can one really be a grownup » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on January 15, 2006, at 16:25:25
That was before my forgetting sleep. I'm not sure I remember what my point was now. :)
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2006, at 17:30:13
In reply to Re: Can one really be a grownup » Dinah, posted by sleepygirl on January 15, 2006, at 17:03:50
I'm not quite sure what grownups get pleasure from. Self actualization or something? I'm pretty sure it's no replacement for what non-grownups get.
Posted by daisym on January 15, 2006, at 17:49:15
In reply to Re: Can one really be a grownup » sleepygirl, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2006, at 17:30:13
I think the most grown up thing we can do is choose what makes us happy. US. Not them.
We can choose chocolate, or sex or crayons.
We can choose going to bed early, staying up late or sleeping in.
We can choose therapy, or primal screaming or support groups.
Of course there are still things we HAVE to do,or limitations on what kind of choices we might have. (like money) But being a grown up means accepting those and choosing to fill the rest of your time with things you like, instead of dwelling on what you can't have or don't like. Sometimes we choose to do what someone else likes, but still, we know we are choosing and we are OK with that. It isn't coercion or guilt or currency.
I think that is what makes us grown up.
Everything else comes when we make choices that make us happy.Seems so simple. But for me at least, it is impossibly hard. I guess because I'm not grown up yet.
Posted by fallsfall on January 15, 2006, at 18:32:59
In reply to Can one really be a grownup, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2006, at 15:31:40
>Can one really be a grownup If one has absolutely no appreciation of the things that grownups derive pleasure from?
Certainly. But you would be a pretty unhappy grownup.
Posted by madeline on January 15, 2006, at 19:35:51
In reply to Can one really be a grownup, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2006, at 15:31:40
> If one has absolutely no appreciation of the things that grownups derive pleasure from?
I think as soon as one welcomes taking naps, instead of fighting and having to take them, then one is a grown up.
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2006, at 20:15:06
In reply to Re: Can one really be a grownup, posted by madeline on January 15, 2006, at 19:35:51
Shhhhh.... But I'm afraid it's happening. Will I or nill I. :(
And I think I'd make a miserable grownup.
What is it that gives grownups pleasure anyway?
My guess was something like self actualization, or pleasure in one's competencies. Don't even mention sex.
Posted by annierose on January 15, 2006, at 22:09:16
In reply to Re: Can one really be a grownup, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2006, at 20:15:06
Hmmm. I see my life differently. I was a miserable child. So lonely and depressed. I love the choices I have as an adult. Sure, some of the responsibilities s*ck, and some are even overwhelming (cleaning out the basement), but all in all, I wouldn't want to be that child again. I had to depend upon adults that couldn't care less about me.
I'm a much happier adult. I like my choices. Heck, I even chose therapy for myself. When I was about 12 or 13 and showed signs of depression, I remember a doctor telling my mom that maybe she should look into therapy for me. Nope, that wasn't a choice my mom wanted to make for me. I waited until I had a job with health insurance to make that first call ... 10 ten years later.
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2006, at 9:22:42
In reply to Re: Can one really be a grownup » Dinah, posted by annierose on January 15, 2006, at 22:09:16
Maybe part of it is that my ezperience as a child was different. As a parentified child who was very much in a triangular relationship with my parents, I had a fair amount of power and choice, but without true responsibility. Not that I didn't *feel* responsible, because I *felt* responsible for EVERYTHING. Or that I didn't act responsibly, because I was enormously responsible.
But as unstable as everything was, there was a certain safety in being a daughter.
At any rate, I think I decided I'm wrong. I'm not really growing up. I'm just overmedicated. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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