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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Frida on December 27, 2005, at 13:40:54
Hi---
I've been reading some posts about T's moving and abandoning their patients and i can't stop crying here.
The T relationship is so unique...
if my T were to abandon me I would be totally devastated, she gave me what my own mother didn't give me, I can't ever ever replace that...
I've seen her for around 5 years
she's left for a month and a half and I'm here terrified of the time ahead until i see her.
she did give me something to hold on to, something tangible to feel she'll be back and to believe that our bond is real. A CD she always listens to and a book that is special to her.
(This meant a lot to me)I asked her if our bond disappers, if it is real...she reassured me that of course it is...I need so badly to believe that.She told me i'm like a child that feels that people disappear unless I see them and that's why I can't build from session to session, because in between I panic. I can't internalize things.
now here I am, really scared , and terrified of so much staying inside of me. (she agreed our last session that I didn't truly tell her about what happened to me, etc) ..but that I hinted at it...
and now i feel terrified of it all staying inside of me forever.I feel i've wasted such a precious chance. I hope I still will have time- she told me that yes, there will be time..she's coming back in February..
but i'm here unable to stop crying and really scared.
It will be ok, right?
and she won't abandon me.....
Just the thought of losing her makes me cry.
Frida
Posted by sleepygirl on December 27, 2005, at 14:01:09
In reply to can't stop crying here, posted by Frida on December 27, 2005, at 13:40:54
It absolutely will be OK. She gave you some very tangible things to hold on to, and she will be back. Do you know about "camp comfort"? Well just in case you don't, we have an imaginary thing here called "camp comfort" to go to when T's are away. We all hang out there, it's fun. What's good about it is that there are lots of comfortable and fun things there and good company. If you go up toward old posts eventually you'll find it.
While your T is away, something you might want to do is use a journal, make some art, whatever, so you get stuff out, and you're able to share it with your T when she returns.
Hang in there Frida, she'll be back. :-)
Posted by jammerlich on December 27, 2005, at 15:05:43
In reply to can't stop crying here, posted by Frida on December 27, 2005, at 13:40:54
Frida, things will definately be okay. I think she gave you things that are important to her to help you know she would be back. And I think that you are important to her too, but she knew it might be hard for you to believe that you are important enough for her to come back to so she gave you the physical reminders.
She WILL be back and the bond will still be there.
And it's completely ok (though I know miserable feeling) that you are unsettled by her absence. Keep posting. I think most of us understand how bizarre the T relationship feels and we will help you and keep you company.
Posted by daisym on December 27, 2005, at 16:56:18
In reply to can't stop crying here, posted by Frida on December 27, 2005, at 13:40:54
It is scary when the real world intrudes and we see what has happened to other people. But she is planning to come back to you and you are planning to continue to work on your relationship with her. I'm glad she gave you stuff to hold on to.
I found that writing to my therapist while he was gone was really helpful. I wrote him about how I was feeling and what was happening each day. It made me feel connected.
Don't be scared. It will be OK.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
Posted by LadyBug on December 27, 2005, at 18:00:31
In reply to can't stop crying here, posted by Frida on December 27, 2005, at 13:40:54
Frida
Many of us here have gone through simular situations at one time or another. It seems so hard and almost impossibe to bare. You have some good things to hold on to until she returns and I'm sure that's helpful for you. Keep posting here and we'll help you through it. We know how it goes. Camp Comfort is just for this purpose. Want to go there??? Let us know what you'd like to have while she's away.
LadyBug
Posted by Susan47 on December 28, 2005, at 12:05:26
In reply to can't stop crying here, posted by Frida on December 27, 2005, at 13:40:54
Your therapist obviously really does care about you very much, Frida. She's trying very hard to help you feel secure. Try and relax a little bit into that. Time is both an enemy AND a friend, so don't despair in the time that you do have before you see her again, but use it to make you both proud of the strength you have in spite of what's happened to you, and don't worry sweetie, it won't stay inside of you forever.
I remember once I brought a cartoon into my ex-T. Two lambs(?) standing in a field, one saying to the other, "Sometimes I worry I'm a wolf dressed as me." Don't worry, the wolf inside is not you.. it's what you've internalized from Them, the other, the one(s) who've hurt you. When you're not malignant, but vulnerable and open, and you don't know how to protect yourself, and malignancy comes at you from others, it can leave you terribly afraid of yourself, and unable to self-comfort and self-soothe. But we're here, hopefully we can help until your T gets back, Frida. Babble isn't always easy, but you'll always find one or two people who will help you. (((Friday)))
Posted by Susan47 on December 28, 2005, at 12:08:18
In reply to Re: can't stop crying here » Frida, posted by LadyBug on December 27, 2005, at 18:00:31
Not Friday, my hands went on automatic pilot, sorry
Posted by pegasus on December 29, 2005, at 10:32:42
In reply to can't stop crying here, posted by Frida on December 27, 2005, at 13:40:54
I'm so sorry that all of the discussion of moving etc. has made you upset. Maybe it would help to keep in mind that that type of thing is represented here more than it happens in the real world, because I think people who experience it are more likely to seek out help and support online. So, the chances of your T leaving you are probably actually really small. It sounds like she's trying hard to help you feel that she'll be there for you.
(((Frida)))
pegasus
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