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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on December 18, 2005, at 13:52:37
I have an appointment on Thurs. this week and I feel like canceling it. I'm feeling sad, depressed, overwhelmed with the holidays, and I suffer with cronic pain. I can't seem to get on top of the pain going on. I won't take narcotics. I'm in the middle of applying for a new job with the current job I'm already at. I have a dead line of tomorrow at 4:30 to get all my application papers turned in. I still need to re-do my resume and fill out the applicaton part. Part of me knows this job is too physical for me and will cause me even more pain to deal with, yet I need to go from part time to full time.
When I had my last appoinment with my therapist I left feeling so dumb.......I don't even know why. I've had 3 different dreams about her this week that tell me how afraid I am of losing the connection I have with her. Last night in my dream, one of her college's told me I couldn't do therapy with my T. anymore because I had broken a boundary by going to a different office where my T. was working. (She doen't even have more than one office IRL) The dreams are disturbing me. I do have a fear of my hours changing if I get the full time job, which in turn makes it harder for me to find a time that each of us can meet. I fear having to ask to leave early one day a week so I can go see her. I don't want to tell my supervisor why I need to leave early and hope I don't cause feelings. She is new and only 24 years old!! Along with all this I'm sufferig from IBS........Irritable bowel syndrome, I'm sure caused from stress. My husband was fired from his job at the end of Sept. and we haven't had any insurance coverage since then. Not to mention the financial stress it caused. I don't want to pay for another visit this month, the holidays' are expensive enough. I'm just on a downer. And I can't really figure out totally why I don't want to see my therapist. I love her!!! She's so good to me, I just don't like her to see me when I'm sad and struggling. Like that's never going to happen????? Geez, my life isn't so that I can be doing good all the time in therapy. I have a few days to decide what to do about my appointment. I'm too bummed out to go. She will take the week after Christmas off so I won't see her for about 3 weeks since my last appointment.
I want to just crawl in bed and pull my comforter up over my head and not come out! I have soooo much to do and I'm having a hard time with my list!!!
Thanks for reading this if you made it this far. I'm just dragging on the ground! Come on Jan. One thing good about my job is I work for the school district in my area and after Thurs. this week at 4:00 p.m. I am off work till Jan. 3. Yeah! But I'm afraid the holiday derpession will only deepen. I want my T. ;-(
LadyBug (sad ladybug)
Posted by fallsfall on December 18, 2005, at 17:30:03
In reply to I don't want to go see my T., posted by LadyBug on December 18, 2005, at 13:52:37
Go to your appointment on Thursday. She can help you figure out why you are feeling this way. I wouldn't want to wait until January!
Posted by fairywings on December 18, 2005, at 18:06:58
In reply to I don't want to go see my T., posted by LadyBug on December 18, 2005, at 13:52:37
Hi LB,
sounds like you really need your T right now. Maybe since you think you might have trouble expressing your sadness, you could write it out? you have so much going on, so much stress, i know the financial burden isn't something you need, but she might give you emotional strength, and if it's going to be 3 weeks till you see her again, that will be really hard. i hope you go, i hope it helps.
fw
Posted by Dinah on December 18, 2005, at 20:27:05
In reply to I don't want to go see my T., posted by LadyBug on December 18, 2005, at 13:52:37
How have you reacted in the past if you skip a session? I know I let it take over my holiday and kick myself until the next appointment, but not everyone's the same. I certainly understand the financial constraints. :(
What do you think will overall add to the quality of your holidays?
It sounds like this is a very stressful holiday season for you. I'm sorry.
Posted by LegWarmers on December 18, 2005, at 22:21:19
In reply to I don't want to go see my T., posted by LadyBug on December 18, 2005, at 13:52:37
You should go to your appointment for sure. Tell her how you feel and what you fear, Im sure after talking to her it will relieve a lot of this stress. I think the nightmares are somehow conntected to your fear of a conflicting schedule....and if your ours do change couldnt you have some prior arrangement that you cant rearrange and just tell that to your boss??
Hope you feel better
Posted by LadyBug on December 18, 2005, at 23:39:32
In reply to I don't want to go see my T., posted by LadyBug on December 18, 2005, at 13:52:37
Thanks for telling me I need to go! I know it will help and make it worse if I don't see her. Somehow I feel like she is going to reject me or something. Maybe part of the fear is because I did so much talking at our last visit she could hardly get a word in. I left feeling empty inside.
I don't like change, even when it's good. Is that wierd or what? I liked going to see her on my day off so I could really get into our work. With this new schedule I will be going after work when I'm not in the right mind to do therapy.
I think I will call her tomorrow, or not, and tell her I don't feel like coming and I'm trying to figure out why. Part of me wants her to "want" to see ME, not me wanting to see her. Geez, I'm a mess. I do have lots to think about.
One good thing is; I got my resume done!! And my cover letter and now I'm in the process of doing the application part. And then I better get my butt to bed!! Maybe tomorrow will be better. I wish I could go see my T. tomorrow and everyday this week. Like thats going to happen?
I know we all have struggles right now. I'm sure glad we have each other to lean on.
Thanks a bunch for all your care!!!
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on December 19, 2005, at 7:07:20
In reply to Thanks Ya'll, I have lots 2 think about.., posted by LadyBug on December 18, 2005, at 23:39:32
I decided to check my cell phone late last night and realized it was on silent. My T had called me from her home about 7:30. This is very unusual for her to call on a Sunday especially from home. She said she had been thinking about me and was hoping I was feeling better. I had left her a message after our appointment last week telling her I felt bad when I left and also felt "dumb". When I got the message I called her back and left her a voice mail telling her I don't feel like coming to my appointment this Thurs. and that I'd had 3 different dreams this past week about her all having to do with losing our connection.
I'm so glad she called and now she knows how I'm feeling. How did she know to call? And she NEVER calls me on the weekend, especially since I didn't leave her a message to call me. I'm so surprised and relieved to know that somehow she cares.
I didn't get enough sleep last night, and now I'm about to get in the shower and get ready for work. I dread the pain I'll be in today, as the physical pain is more than I can bare. But I have to turn in my Resume/Application today.
Anyway, I guess writing here helps me sort through my thoughts and feelings.
Thanks for reading
LadyBug
Posted by LauraBeane on December 20, 2005, at 19:17:10
In reply to My T called me last night, posted by LadyBug on December 19, 2005, at 7:07:20
Well I know it feels tenuous right now but it sounds like a good connection.
Congrats on getting your resume and application together! That kind of work can be so hard to finish, esp. in light of everything else you have going on. Bravo! I am envious from afar.
Posted by Dinah on December 20, 2005, at 21:25:42
In reply to My T called me last night, posted by LadyBug on December 19, 2005, at 7:07:20
I'm glad she called. Sometimes it's amazing how effective touching base can be.
This is the end of the thread.
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