![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 12:39:09
the way I am with my T. Not always, but i sometimes feel like i'm SO immature. i don't want to be seen that way at all, but when we're talking about my issues, and i pull away, i feel like a child. i hate that. does anyone else feel that way? why does that happen? he must think i'm a real brat.
last week he asked me something - to refresh his mind about something, but it was the end of the session, and it was a big issue, so i didn't want to get into it. i said, "nevermind". i couldn't make eye contact, and i just felt so immature. he asked why i dismissed him. was i dismissing him? and why would he ask me to bring up something huge with a minute left in the session? i mean it was time to leave, and he asked me. i don't get that.
fw
Posted by cricket on December 16, 2005, at 13:26:07
In reply to I don't like..., posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 12:39:09
Yes, yes, yes. I know exactly what you mean.
Fairywings, please hang in there. I want to write you some more. I just need time to compose my thoughts and I am so stupid busy at work. Almost didn't log on here today. But I'm glad I did and saw your posts.
Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2005, at 13:46:55
In reply to I don't like..., posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 12:39:09
No you weren't. I think it's perfectly ok to control your therapy enough to decide that there isn't enough time in a session to process a topic.
I generally just tell my therapist that I don't want to talk about this because I don't think there's enough time left in the session.
I like time to wind down before leaving so that I'm not overly raw.
Posted by muffled on December 16, 2005, at 16:20:08
In reply to I don't like..., posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 12:39:09
Phoned my T half way thru, thot she might say something clever. What on earth a T would say I don't know? She never called anyways. So I finished. Its stitched now and all. Never had one hurt this much. Must've hit a nerve. Serves me right I guess. Proly was the butcher Doc., don't think he liked me, just jammed in the freezing in one spot and SHOT it in full force. creepy guy.
So muffled is alive but limping. maybe I'll go back to that camp comfort later. Jusr slept 5 hrs and now goto pick up kids at school.
Muffled
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 16, 2005, at 16:40:13
In reply to I don't like..., posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 12:39:09
oh yes. i think i know exactly what you mean. i can be all self-possessed and cool calm and collected but sometimes the littlest thing... and i am just a little hurting and scared kid again. i don't like it either...
> why does that happen?
probly your hurt kid. who finds it hard to trust because shes been hurt before.
> he must think i'm a real brat.
maybe... but maybe he thinks you have been hurt and find it hard to trust sometimes.
> last week he asked me something - to refresh his mind about something, but it was the end of the session, and it was a big issue, so i didn't want to get into it. i said, "nevermind". i couldn't make eye contact, and i just felt so immature. he asked why i dismissed him. was i dismissing him? and why would he ask me to bring up something huge with a minute left in the session? i mean it was time to leave, and he asked me. i don't get that.ah.
if you told him that...
then i think he would understand.
maybe he didn't realise it is / was such a big issue for you.sometimes...
we can be all hurt and scared on the inside but from the outside we still look cool calm and collected (hard to credit but apparantly that is fairly common)
so maybe... he really didn't realise.
Posted by Tamar on December 16, 2005, at 18:35:43
In reply to SI **trigger**Just venting, don't read., posted by muffled on December 16, 2005, at 16:20:08
> Phoned my T half way thru, thot she might say something clever. What on earth a T would say I don't know? She never called anyways.
Maybe she didn't get your message yet.
> So I finished. Its stitched now and all. Never had one hurt this much. Must've hit a nerve. Serves me right I guess. Proly was the butcher Doc., don't think he liked me, just jammed in the freezing in one spot and SHOT it in full force. creepy guy.
BASTARD. Let's have a little talk with him about people who are already in plenty of pain...
> So muffled is alive but limping. maybe I'll go back to that camp comfort later. Jusr slept 5 hrs and now goto pick up kids at school.
Muffly, please PLEASE post before you do this next time. We love you so much; we really hate seeing you hurting.
Really. Your T might not be there to say something clever, but someone here is usually around. If you don't get your T, we're here. Don't forget that we adore you.
Lots of love and big hugs,
Tamar
Posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 18:47:37
In reply to Re: I don't like... » fairywings, posted by alexandra_k2 on December 16, 2005, at 16:40:13
> maybe... but maybe he thinks you have been hurt and find it hard to trust sometimes.
Hi Alex,
Yes, trust is a big topic in therapy for me, and he's really been good about it, never criticizing, never judging, very patient.
> ah.
> if you told him that...
> then i think he would understand.
> maybe he didn't realise it is / was such a big issue for you.He knows what a huge issue it is for me. I just keep wondering if he was trying to get me to "say it". He knows this is probably my biggest issue, the most painful for me, the source of incredible shame and pain, because it encompases everything else. it's the only thing so far that could reduce me to tears. it hasn't, but it could. So, i don't understand why, at the last minute he pushed me on it.
> we can be all hurt and scared on the inside but from the outside we still look cool calm and collected (hard to credit but apparantly that is i wish it wasn't so, but you can read me like a book. he's agreed that i don't hide things well. he knew i was afraid. he knew that telling him the week b4 felt incredibly risky for me. i'm pretty sure he kept talking - giving me the history lesson, hoping i'd eventually relax.i appreciate your thoughts alex. i guess i'll have to ask him, and tell him how stupid that seemed to me. this last session has really left me feeling bad. i can feel every nerve, i feel sick, my chest aches, and i feel like i've let the cat out of the bag - no trying to get it back in, it's been stuffed in there too long.
fairywings
Posted by sleepygirl on December 16, 2005, at 19:04:28
In reply to I don't like..., posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 12:39:09
I too feel like I behave like a little kid sometimes. I think it's frustration, anger, feelings stirred up...why the heck are you disappointing me? sort of stuff, this is hard to talk about, and how the heck can you expect me to do that kind of stuff when you can't be available as much as I may need it? kind of stuff
Yeah, I've spent a lot of time sort of embarrassed by myself with my T, I still do. I'm still having trouble talking about stuff. Sometimes I honestly can't think of what to talk about, sometimes everything seems unimportant, sometimes I feel like it has a lot to do with timing.
Well anyway, this is good to bring up (always good to bring things up ;-)
Posted by muffled on December 16, 2005, at 19:18:50
In reply to I don't like..., posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 12:39:09
Posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 19:40:09
In reply to SI **trigger**Just venting, don't read., posted by muffled on December 16, 2005, at 16:20:08
Oh muffled,
that doctor was a f*cked up person. he was cruel and shouldn't be in a "helping" profession if he can't be more empathetic to other ppl's suffering. i hope your T calls soon.
fw
Posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 19:41:10
In reply to Sorry, supposed to be new thread????DUHHHH (nm) » fairywings, posted by muffled on December 16, 2005, at 19:18:50
Posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 19:43:10
In reply to Re: I don't like... » fairywings, posted by cricket on December 16, 2005, at 13:26:07
Posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 19:46:13
In reply to Re: I don't like... » fairywings, posted by Dinah on December 16, 2005, at 13:46:55
yeah, i guess i need to tell him it just wasn't a good time to bring it up, you'd think he'd know. i mean literally one minute left!
dinah, do you have a certain amount of time w/o talking b4 you leave, or do you just not get on another topic w/in a certain amount of time b4 leaving?
thanks,
fw
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 16, 2005, at 19:52:13
In reply to Re: I don't like... » Dinah, posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 19:46:13
oh. i just thought of something.
with one of my t's...
we used to do a mindfulness exercise in the last couple of minutes.
i was one of these slow to warm up...
slow to cool down kinds of people.
need a good quarter to half an hour to warm up
and need a good ten minutes to cool down.
thats a problem given the usual session length lol.so...
i used to have longer sessions (hour and a half)
but most importantly...
we used to do a mindfulness exercise.
found out that doing that...
i could compose myself to face the outside world in about 5 minutes.that might be something to try?
Posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 19:53:23
In reply to Re: I don't like... » fairywings, posted by sleepygirl on December 16, 2005, at 19:04:28
> I too feel like I behave like a little kid sometimes. I think it's frustration, anger, feelings stirred up...why the heck are you disappointing me? sort of stuff, this is hard to talk about, and how the heck can you expect me to do that kind of stuff when you can't be available as much as I may need it? kind of stuff
yeah, for me it all feels so pouty or withdrawing or something, and then i think how in the world am i supposed to deal with this until next appt. it does feel really disappointing, that's a good way to put it. you wait till now, we can't talk cause times up, and now i have to leave w/the disappointment.
> Yeah, I've spent a lot of time sort of embarrassed by myself with my T, I still do. I'm still having trouble talking about stuff. Sometimes I honestly can't think of what to talk about, sometimes everything seems unimportant, sometimes I feel like it has a lot to do with timing.this is incredibly embarrassing and shameful for me. a lot of hurt, and asking me to verbalize specifically what it was, to put it in words instead of writing, at the end of the appt. just s*cks. like you said, it feels unimportant, like he's got bigger fish to fry or like there have to be bigger things ppl are going through, and i should just get a life.
> Well anyway, this is good to bring up (always good to bring things up ;-)
thanks sleepy,
fw
Posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 20:49:46
In reply to Re: I don't like..., posted by alexandra_k2 on December 16, 2005, at 19:52:13
> i was one of these slow to warm up...
> slow to cool down kinds of people.
> need a good quarter to half an hour to warm up
> and need a good ten minutes to cool down.
Geeze, that would be a problem! Esp. if you T, like mine, talks for a 1/2 hour! ; )>
> so...
> i used to have longer sessions (hour and a half)
> but most importantly...
> we used to do a mindfulness exercise.
What's a mindfulness exercise?
fw
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 16, 2005, at 20:59:27
In reply to Re: I don't like... » alexandra_k2, posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 20:49:46
> What's a mindfulness exercise?
Ah...
Well there are all kinds of different ones you can do. And it is about finding something you like to do.I guess... It is about awareness.
For me...
My thinking is a problem
(getting caught up in my head...
and / or bad feelings / intense emotions)So...
I would bring something along...
Or my t would bring something along...A leaf.
Or a lollie.
Or some object...
It doesn't really matter waht.
But something interesting.
And you just kind of focus on it
how it feels
how it looks
how it tastes (depending on what it is lol)
how it sounds
etc
And we would do the exercise for two minutes.
Once I did a 'foot scan' which is kind of like a progressive muscle relaxation exercise for ones left foot lol!
Just something different...
To get one back to cool calm and collected so one doesn't feel like such an *ss walking out the door and facing the world again.And so it was a rule that nothing triggering was to be spoken of in those last 10 minutes...
But this took a while to work out between us...
A fair while...But I found the mindfulness exercises were the fastest way for me to be ready to face the world...
And that way took...
A good 5 minutes.
(couple of minutes to introduce the exercise and agree on a time for the following week.
Posted by LegWarmers on December 17, 2005, at 1:29:34
In reply to Re: I don't like... » alexandra_k2, posted by fairywings on December 16, 2005, at 20:49:46
>
>
> Geeze, that would be a problem! Esp. if you T, like mine, talks for a 1/2 hour! ; )
>That is a problem! What is up with that lol
Posted by fairywings on December 17, 2005, at 15:46:45
In reply to Re: I don't like... » fairywings, posted by LegWarmers on December 17, 2005, at 1:29:34
> That is a problem! What is up with that lolHi LW,
LOL welllllllll, I think one thing is he's a talker, another is he's a storyteller, and also he thinks that there are lessons in the stories he tells. he's right, and I love that he shares so much, I love that he has such a broad knowledge base, I love that I learn a lot from him, BUT......you know .... sometimes I just want to get on with it, but I'd never say anything. I could listen to him all day, IF I had all day, ya know?! ; )
fw
Posted by LegWarmers on December 18, 2005, at 22:12:37
In reply to Re: I don't like... » LegWarmers, posted by fairywings on December 17, 2005, at 15:46:45
>
> > That is a problem! What is up with that lol
>
> Hi LW,
>
> LOL welllllllll, I think one thing is he's a talker, another is he's a storyteller, and also he thinks that there are lessons in the stories he tells. he's right, and I love that he shares so much, I love that he has such a broad knowledge base, I love that I learn a lot from him, BUT......you know .... sometimes I just want to get on with it, but I'd never say anything. I could listen to him all day, IF I had all day, ya know?! ; )
>
> fw
>
>Sounds just like my t lol, i love to listen but sometimes I look at the clock and I think....wait a minute....I had something to say too lol
as long as someone gets therpy out of the time lol
Posted by muffled on December 19, 2005, at 22:03:45
In reply to Re: I don't like... » LegWarmers, posted by fairywings on December 17, 2005, at 15:46:45
Hope you feeling better bout youre T. I think for me I've decided my T is human and can't read my mind, and while she's good she's not superhuman, and I just gonna ahve to buckle down and take more control (HA, we'll see) cuz thats whats she always been telling me (maybe she IS superhuman?!).
She says I should set agenda for session.
Maybe you could do that?
I dunno.
Sorry its hard.
I been thinking of you FW.
Muffled
Posted by fairywings on December 19, 2005, at 23:18:00
In reply to Re: I don't like... » fairywings, posted by muffled on December 19, 2005, at 22:03:45
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.