![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 12:46:09
I'm not sure what happened today. I woke up in a good mood because the adorable little elderly beagle I'm dogsitting woke me up with a cheerful lick (I usually have to drag her out of bed).But then her owners emailed me and scolded me because she gained five pounds in the two weeks they've been away. This crushed me. I don't know why. I feel terribly guilty but also like it's so unfair because I've been taking SUCH good care of her, cooking her meals, walking her four times a day, covering her when she sleeps, scritching her head whenever she wants me to, etc. etc.
Her owners are worried because she went from 25 to 30 pounds and she's very old and has arthritis and it's hard on her heart and her legs. I don't blame them. She seems fine but I'm sure they're right. Can one of you doglovers who know dogs reassure me (or tell me that I totally screwed up)? Dinah? I feel very alone and sad about this.
It could just be PMS. I need friends, though.
Posted by Poet on December 15, 2005, at 13:03:44
In reply to Feeling very depressed today, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 12:46:09
Hi Crushedout,
I'm mommy to cats, not dogs, but having cared for many elderly cats, I think weight gain is better than weight loss. The dog isn't wasting away- since you've been caring for him, he has energy he didn't have before.
I understand that weight gain is harder on arthritic legs, but so is being rail thin like so many elderly animals (and humans!) are.
Are you more depressed? In other words is there anything else going on besides dogsitting that has you feeling low? Or PMS making you feel low?
The holidays are getting to me bigtime and I don't normally have seasonal depression.
Poet
Posted by fairywings on December 15, 2005, at 13:09:33
In reply to Feeling very depressed today, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 12:46:09
My guess is, that bec. on other days you had to drag her out of bed, she was really happy with you, where maybe she isn't so much at home? If you're walking her in addition to the yummy meals, then she's getting lots of balance. While the owners are concerned, and I'm sure worrying about arthritis is a valid concern, she was happy with you. Maybe she doesn't get the walks and attention with her owners? I'd love to have you for my dog sitter. My dog would love you!That said, one of our dogs used to go to a friend's house to visit. The little girl was overweight and underactive. She would sit around and feed our dog all day. She'd gain several pounds in a weekend. To them it was entertainment to feed the dog. They weren't walking her, so she wasn't getting any balance. I asked them not to feed her more than X # of treats a day, and left treats with them, but they fed her grapes, apples, cookies, pizza... They did love her, slept with her, met her other needs, but weren't doing what was in her best interest as far as junk food. A little is fine w/me, but too much isn't good.
I think there's a big difference. If dogs are being walked, and they're generally healthy and happy, then they certainly should be grateful for your loving care. I'd be pissed if they scolded me after caing for her so attentively. Is she a pretty normal weight? Did they leave you instructions to weigh her daily and not let her gain an ounce? (sarcasm) Don't feel guilty, you loved that dog, and that's what she needed most.
fw
Posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 13:29:00
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today » crushedout, posted by Poet on December 15, 2005, at 13:03:44
Hi Poet,Yes, that's what I thought, too. She's so old and has so many problems that I was really just worried that she wouldn't survive the three weeks till her owners returned. I didn't realize how easily she could gain a FIFTH of her weight. That's like if I gained 25 pounds in two weeks. Yikes. But you're right--it would be much worse if she had LOST five pounds. The fact that she's eating means she can't be too ill.
I guess I have a lot of others reasons why I might be depressed, including: impending period (PMS), cold weather and less sunlight, my drug use, etc. etc. But this email from her owners was definitely what set me off. It was like, everything was ok and then my stomach fell into my shoes and I felt like life was too hard to cope with.
Why do some things do that to me? This is something many people would just shrug off, as: "Oh, man, those people are neurotic and ungrateful. I've been doing the best I can, and anyway, the dog is fine and happy," and then they would put it out of their minds. I've never been able to do stuff like that.
Thanks for writing to me, Poet. I think I'm also feeling lonely, so it helps to connect with Babblers.
Posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 13:43:30
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today » crushedout, posted by fairywings on December 15, 2005, at 13:09:33
Thanks, fw. Your post helped me a lot also.Actually, her owners are very attentive with her also, and I think she must be happy with them, too. (I'm staying with her in her own home and basically trying to keep her on the same routine she's always on, except that I guess I've been overfeeding her, or allowing people to give her too many cookies. But I didn't know any better.)
I am a great dogsitter! Well, they're paying me a lot and I truly love the dog so I put in many hours a day taking care of her. But I know a lot of other people wouldn't be nearly as conscientious as I've been.
I don't think I've overfed her the way those friends overfed your dog. I give her little treats every so often, but it's amazing how little it seems to take to make a beagle gain weight. (Beagles, also, I've been told, are compulsive eaters, so you have to be extra careful.) It is entertaining to feed the dog but she also acts like she's starving and begs and it's hard not to give in to that.
It's reassuring in a way to know that one of your dogs could gain several pounds in a weekend. Was it a big dog? Did it take a long time for it to lose the weight again?
You're right that they never even told me I had to weigh the dog. I did, I reported it to them, and they got mad at me (or scolded me, or whatever). Not really fair. Why did I do that? Sigh. No good deed goes unpunished.
I think she is a pretty normal weight for her size. Maybe slightly overweight now.
I'll try not to feel guilty. I've really been doing the best I can.
Posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 13:49:12
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today » fairywings, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 13:43:30
Oh, yeah, I just remembered: they also told me in their email that they're coming back early. This made me sad because it means I have to leave sooner than I expected and I'm gonna miss this freagin' dog so g*ddam much.
Posted by sleepygirl on December 15, 2005, at 14:15:36
In reply to Feeling very depressed today, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 12:46:09
I made my cats really fat for a while (they were real porkies and I didn't realize it)...oops!
I felt so bad when I took them to the vet!! I didn't mean to!! I love the little furballs. I just cut back, and they lost the weight, my guilt was relieved. Don't take it too hard, that doggy is having a wonderful time with you I'm sure. Doggy will lose the weight again no problem, especially since his owners seem so tuned into that. How would you have known? I don't know too many people so attentive to that. It'll be OK. You didn't do anything wrong. Take care.
Posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 14:25:36
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today » crushedout, posted by sleepygirl on December 15, 2005, at 14:15:36
Posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2005, at 14:52:27
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today » Poet, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 13:29:00
> Why do some things do that to me? This is something many people would just shrug off, as: "Oh, man, those people are neurotic and ungrateful. I've been doing the best I can, and anyway, the dog is fine and happy," and then they would put it out of their minds. I've never been able to do stuff like that.
>This sounds like me all over!
Hmm... dogs are very smart. Sounds like this one has a human sitter who walks him, scritches his ears Just So, and takes good care of him.Sorry you are feeling badly.
clearskies
Posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 14:54:43
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today » crushedout, posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2005, at 14:52:27
you mean you could easily put it out of your mind?
Posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2005, at 17:33:33
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today » ClearSkies, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 14:54:43
>
> you mean you could easily put it out of your mind?No, no! I mean it would be worrying on it to no end. Someone made a comment to me at the beginning of this week (IRL) and it's nagging at me like am imp. I don't even know if it was meant to be nice or not so nice. But it is hanging there, framed, in my head.
CS
Posted by daisym on December 15, 2005, at 18:50:39
In reply to another reason, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 13:49:12
sounds like you need a friend of your own to look after. I think it is wonderful you have bonded with the doggy! Don't let the owners worry you too much, remember people's pets are like their kids and they probably feel guilty for being away.
I'm sorry you are blue. What are you doing for the Holidays?
Posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 19:13:46
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today, posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2005, at 17:33:33
so why do you think we do that? you know what i mean about people who basically just don't give a hoot? who are just like, "well, that's that person's problem. i'm not going to let it affect my day"?don't you think those people are insanely sane? don't you wish it could be like that?
Posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 19:32:24
In reply to Re: another reason, posted by daisym on December 15, 2005, at 18:50:39
Thanks, Daise. I'm just doing the same thing I do every year: hanging out with family and friends. I guess it's good. It always feels a little bit stressful and I'm glad when it's over.What about you?
Lots of therapist vacations coming up. For me it's no big deal. (I've completely detached from my T, which is a whole 'nother story.) But I remember when it was really hard.
Posted by fallsfall on December 15, 2005, at 20:10:15
In reply to Feeling very depressed today, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 12:46:09
I'll bring my dogs over and they can play with your beagle (except my dogs really don't know how to play. But they love to sniff other dogs...). Then we could hang out, too.
Can you see it as an honest mistake? Sounds like they are overly mad (or are you just hearing it that way?) Almost sounds like you are reacting to something other than their email?? Like transference? Their reaction is bringing back some old emotion for you?
Sit down on the floor and cuddle with the dog. That always makes me feel better.
(((Crushed)))
Posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2005, at 20:29:28
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today » ClearSkies, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 19:13:46
I guess I've always felt it's a doubled edged sword of feeling things deeply, and feeling things TOO deeply. If I really didn't give a hoot about what people say to me, I don't know if I'd bother speaking to anyone at all.
I've thought a lot about people I've met who really don't seem to care what others say to them, and I'm not sure I really like or trust them.
But not letting ourselves to be *defined* by what others say is difficult when that's what we've done since we can remember. Looking for validation from our parents, say; not getting that, and so looking to anyone, anyone else for that acknowledgement of our existence. And we attached perhaps too much meaning into what people said to us.
OK. I think I've gone a bit far in this, but I really do want to get at why I care so much about what others say to me, and I want to get to where I'm listening and taking it in, but not ruminating on it.
CS
Posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 20:40:40
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today » crushedout, posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2005, at 20:29:28
I emailed the owners and told them how badly I felt about the dog's weight gain and they just emailed me back (actually, it was the husband this time) and he said that he would get the weight off in no time and he thanked me for taking such good care of her. It almost made me cry. That was all I needed to hear.
Posted by fairywings on December 15, 2005, at 20:50:38
In reply to Re: Feeling very depressed today » fairywings, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 13:43:30
>
I guess I've been overfeeding her, or allowing people to give her too many cookies. But I didn't know any better.)Well, unless they left you very strict orders and a very specific diet how would you know what to feed her, or how easily she'd gain, or how starving she'd seem? Seems to me you loved her, and did what you thought was the best thing for her. I love what you said about no good deed going unpunished, but it s*cks too - they should be grateful.
>>But I know a lot of other people wouldn't be nearly as conscientious as I've been.You're right there, and a kennel would be sad for her, she needs love.
>
> I don't think I've overfed her the way those friends overfed your dog.I'm SURE you didn't - not many ppl would. The mom let the little girl feed her fluffer nutters - you know peanut butter sandwiches with marshmallow fluff! Not exactly dog food. And chips and pizza, and argh.....
>>I give her little treats every so often, but it's amazing how little it seems to take to make a beagle gain weight.
Yep, and if they're the ones who act like they're starving, you think they are! ; )
> It's reassuring in a way to know that one of your dogs could gain several pounds in a weekend. Was it a big dog? Did it take a long time for it to lose the weight again?
She was a lab, about 50 pounds, very sleek and at a great weight, but she too was food crazy, and scarfed her food. It was sad in a way. She'd eat so fast, then look down at her bowl, up at me, down at her bowl, it was as if she'd forgotten she'd eaten, but we gave her treats, and just walked her a lot.
>
> You're right that they never even told me I had to weigh the dog. I did, I reported it to them, and they got mad at me (or scolded me, or whatever). Not really fair. Why did I do that? Sigh. No good deed goes unpunished.It's their issue, they were wrong. Shame on them.
> I'll try not to feel guilty. I've really been doing the best I can.
I hope you don't. You shouldn't. You're right, you did the best you could. My boy would love you. He's a labby kind of guy, and loves to walk. 4 walks a day would be heaven for him.
fw
Posted by ClearSkies on December 16, 2005, at 7:40:21
In reply to Happy ending, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 20:40:40
(((crushedout))) I'm glad they were able to reassure you!!
CS
Posted by crushedout on December 16, 2005, at 10:32:28
In reply to Re: Happy ending » crushedout, posted by ClearSkies on December 16, 2005, at 7:40:21
Thanks, CS!it also always helps to be appreciated. those two little words ("thank" and "you") do wonders.
Posted by fallsfall on December 16, 2005, at 12:48:16
In reply to Happy ending, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2005, at 20:40:40
Good for you for emailing them! And I'm so glad that they responded well back.
Now you can enjoy the doggie, and she can enjoy you!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.