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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 14:42:38
I have decided that I have always been crazy. Thats why I can't remember stuff. But its ok. I wrote this poem, I was gonna give it to my T and see what she says....
I dunno whether it makes sense? I have such a hard time expressing what I am thinking/feeling and understanding it.
Humpty dumpty was born strange.
The world broke him into bits.
But nobody knew he was out of the range,
Not even him, what a ditz.
(see, born crazy)
Humpty dumpty was so bad.
He didn't even know,
That he was so bad.
To him it was just a show.
(I was an utter street punk, complete craphead, I didn't even know it at the time)
Now he wants to get the pieces together.
He is just so darn confused.
His soul is tough like a piece of leather.
His heart is old and used.
(self explanatory)
He got kids now to love,
He wants to do right by them.
What he really needs is a shove,
Every now and again.
(sometimes I feel so stuck and lost)
What is missing, where is it?
His brain is made of lard.
He's bout ready to have a fit.
He's finding this very hard.
(I think I getting scared)
Humptys struggling with all his might,
He's getting kinda sad.
He will never give up the fight,
And at least he not all bad.
(Yeah I getting sad and tired)Does this make sense, what else could I add?
Sigh,
I just getting real, real tired of the fight. :(
Real tired.
:( Muffly :(
p.s. yeah I'm a girl but I wrote about Humpty and he's a guy.
Posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 15:08:41
In reply to Explaining to T?(sorry long), posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 14:42:38
Hi Muffly!
> I have decided that I have always been crazy. Thats why I can't remember stuff. But its ok. I wrote this poem, I was gonna give it to my T and see what she says....
> I dunno whether it makes sense? I have such a hard time expressing what I am thinking/feeling and understanding it.I like your poem. I think you should give it to your T. It made me think about some things…
> Humpty dumpty was born strange.
> The world broke him into bits.
> But nobody knew he was out of the range,
> Not even him, what a ditz.
> (see, born crazy)And yet… ‘the world’ broke him into bits. So if he didn’t recognise he was out of the range, perhaps he had no frame of reference.
(don’t be too hard on yourself)> Humpty dumpty was so bad.
> He didn't even know,
> That he was so bad.
> To him it was just a show.
> (I was an utter street punk, complete craphead, I didn't even know it at the time)So the side of himself he showed was not the real Humpty; his badness was a façade and not his true identity.
(don’t be too hard on yourself)> Now he wants to get the pieces together.
> He is just so darn confused.
> His soul is tough like a piece of leather.
> His heart is old and used.
> (self explanatory)Moving away from the past, and from the old habit of being careful what he showed to the world, must be quite confusing for Humpty. It might seem sometimes as if his soul is tough and his heart is used, but maybe that’s just part of the struggle of learning to live the way he wants to live now.
(don’t be too hard on yourself)> He got kids now to love,
> He wants to do right by them.
> What he really needs is a shove,
> Every now and again.
> (sometimes I feel so stuck and lost)Maybe it’s particularly hard to lose those old self-protective habits when he’s with his kids, because it could mean becoming very vulnerable to people he loves deeply. That’s not easy.
(don’t be too hard on yourself)> What is missing, where is it?
> His brain is made of lard.
> He's bout ready to have a fit.
> He's finding this very hard.
> (I think I getting scared)Maybe he does feel sometimes as if his brain is made of lard. And yet here he is trying to make a difference in his life, and to bring up kids and to be more open. He’s already shown a great deal of courage. Lard almost never leads to courage.
(don’t be too hard on yourself)> Humptys struggling with all his might,
> He's getting kinda sad.
> He will never give up the fight,
> And at least he not all bad.
> (Yeah I getting sad and tired)Humpty seems to be experiencing the very normal sense that change is very difficult and very tiring. But he’s not giving up, because he’s come so far already!
(don’t be too hard on yourself!)>
> Does this make sense, what else could I add?
> Sigh,
> I just getting real, real tired of the fight. :(
> Real tired.It’s hard. Very hard. But you’re doing a great job. You’re doing really well. And it won’t take forever.
> p.s. yeah I'm a girl but I wrote about Humpty and he's a guy.
I noticed the girl/guy thing. Of course, he’s also an egg…
Sometimes it’s easier to put some distance into a description of your emotions. That way you can look at it as if it’s happening to someone else. Switching from girl to guy can create that distance.Is there anything particularly significant to you about the girl/guy switch?
(((((Muffly)))))
Hang in there. It will get better.
Tamar
Posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 15:36:22
In reply to Explaining to T?(sorry long), posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 14:42:38
(((Muffled)))....I resonate with your sadness. Life can be so cruel, and I think it is important to live in the moment (I try, with my wild-child, fairy-child, sassy self).
I loved your poem; you are not crazy, just in pain, and trying to get out of it.
I've written over 200 poems that helped me heal thru the church ugliness.
Writing is healing and can be a catharsis. Don't stop. Please keep sharing.
Love and hugs, Ally
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:31:18
In reply to Re: Explaining to T?(sorry long) » muffled, posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 15:36:22
You are not crazy, muffled, you are very loveable and caring. If you are crazy, if that was true, then I would be really consitered f*cked up worse. :)
Posted by gardenergirl on December 11, 2005, at 16:54:17
In reply to Explaining to T?(sorry long), posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 14:42:38
Oh muffled,
What a beautiful and painful expression.I hear that you've always felt different and strange, and that the world probably reinforces that. Perhaps you also feel isolated, because you feel different? I'm so sorry for that. You know, differences can be such a beautiful thing to see and to experience, but it's scary for a lot of people.
Please know that you are loved exactly as you are, and you will be loved however you grow or change or learn. Always.
((((muffled))))
gg
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 17:01:27
In reply to Re: Explaining to T?(sorry long) » muffled, posted by gardenergirl on December 11, 2005, at 16:54:17
> Oh muffled,
> What a beautiful and painful expression.
>
> I hear that you've always felt different and strange, and that the world probably reinforces that. Perhaps you also feel isolated, because you feel different? I'm so sorry for that. You know, differences can be such a beautiful thing to see and to experience, but it's scary for a lot of people.
>
> Please know that you are loved exactly as you are, and you will be loved however you grow or change or learn. Always.
>
> ((((muffled))))**Thanks GG. If I allowed tears, that would have done it.
Now I want you to come and live in our house!
I don't have pain. I don't do that either. Although I have been entertaining the idea that the weird feeling in my chest......
Anyhow, I'll print this to read to myself.
Thanks.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 17:02:45
In reply to Re: Explaining to T?(sorry long), posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:31:18
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 17:04:14
In reply to Re: Explaining to T?(sorry long) » muffled, posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 15:36:22
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 17:19:11
In reply to Re: Explaining to T?(sorry long) » muffled, posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 15:08:41
Ha Tamar!!!
You really gotta get T training!
"Is there anything particularly significant to you about the girl/guy switch?"
That made me laugh cuz it sounded like such a T kinda question!!!!!LOL.
I dunno bout the girl guy thing. I'm a girl, but totally not very girly. Always been a tomboy.
And when I get scared I get tough and get positively manly! I think my tough personna is a boy cuz its safer in my mind to be a guy cuz they are generally physically superior to females.(no offense girls!!just a perception).
So there you have it T Tamar. :)
"I noticed the girl/guy thing. Of course, he’s also an egg…" ROFL!!!! Thanks, I REALLY need some laughs.
Muffled
Posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 17:33:20
In reply to Re: Explaining to T?(sorry long) » Tamar, posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 17:19:11
> Ha Tamar!!!
> You really gotta get T training!
> "Is there anything particularly significant to you about the girl/guy switch?"
> That made me laugh cuz it sounded like such a T kinda question!!!!!LOL.Hah! I don’t know where that comes from. But yeah, now that you mention it, it does sound a bit T-ish. I think it’s because I’m a teacher… I tend to ask a lot of questions in order to try to encourage people to open up about their ideas… it has become a habit (perhaps a bad one…)
> I dunno bout the girl guy thing. I'm a girl, but totally not very girly. Always been a tomboy.
Me too. Although recently my daughter has been a force for change and has made me buy (*whispers*) pink clothes…
> And when I get scared I get tough and get positively manly!
Me too. I spontaneously grow hair in weird places and drop my voice an octave…
> I think my tough personna is a boy cuz its safer in my mind to be a guy cuz they are generally physically superior to females.(no offense girls!!just a perception).
Yeah, when I feel like I need a tough persona it’s always a guy.
So if Humpty is a guy, he’s less vulnerable than you? He’s got the strength to keep going when you feel a bit tired and fed up? That would make sense…
Tamar
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 17:45:31
In reply to Re: Explaining to T?(sorry long) » muffled, posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 17:33:20
I don't think asking people questions is a bad habit. I think its a GOOD habit!!!
Yeah, that Humpty guy thing makes sense.
HEY everybody, Tamar wears PINK!
Yeah, my kid'd have me in pink too if we went shopping together, fortunately she gets hand me downs!!!
Teacher eh. No wonder you're such a good thinker!
We should go to a biker bar together and then we can feel positively dainty. (no offense to bikers!)
Ha.
Take care Tamar
Muffled
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 17:53:16
In reply to Tamar, you wear what??????LOL » Tamar, posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 17:45:31
I just wanted to add that I was a tomboy too growing up. The boys were a lot more fun, playing with toad in the pond, playing ball, and climbing trees and stuff. But I was a "kissing " tomboy! LOL I could climb the tree faster than a boy or run faster than anyother boy, but I would let them catch up so I could kiss them! LOL
But what is really weird is that I NEVER wore pink before therapy, now I have 2 pink T-shirts that I work out in. Weird for me. I guess pink is happier than black or brown. :)
Posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 18:09:50
In reply to Tamar, you wear what??????LOL » Tamar, posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 17:45:31
> HEY everybody, Tamar wears PINK!Shh! Shhhh!
> Yeah, my kid'd have me in pink too if we went shopping together, fortunately she gets hand me downs!!!
Yeah, my kids get mostly hand-me-downs. But sadly I don’t… Mainly because I don’t know anyone my size!
> Teacher eh. No wonder you're such a good thinker!
Surely you mean ‘such a good drinker’…
> We should go to a biker bar together and then we can feel positively dainty. (no offense to bikers!)
Yeah! I like the sound of that. Maybe we could get away with a couple of bikes…
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 18:37:42
In reply to Re: Tamar, you wear what??????LOL » muffled, posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 18:09:50
This is the end of the thread.
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