Posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 15:08:41
In reply to Explaining to T?(sorry long), posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 14:42:38
Hi Muffly!
> I have decided that I have always been crazy. Thats why I can't remember stuff. But its ok. I wrote this poem, I was gonna give it to my T and see what she says....
> I dunno whether it makes sense? I have such a hard time expressing what I am thinking/feeling and understanding it.I like your poem. I think you should give it to your T. It made me think about some things…
> Humpty dumpty was born strange.
> The world broke him into bits.
> But nobody knew he was out of the range,
> Not even him, what a ditz.
> (see, born crazy)And yet… ‘the world’ broke him into bits. So if he didn’t recognise he was out of the range, perhaps he had no frame of reference.
(don’t be too hard on yourself)> Humpty dumpty was so bad.
> He didn't even know,
> That he was so bad.
> To him it was just a show.
> (I was an utter street punk, complete craphead, I didn't even know it at the time)So the side of himself he showed was not the real Humpty; his badness was a façade and not his true identity.
(don’t be too hard on yourself)> Now he wants to get the pieces together.
> He is just so darn confused.
> His soul is tough like a piece of leather.
> His heart is old and used.
> (self explanatory)Moving away from the past, and from the old habit of being careful what he showed to the world, must be quite confusing for Humpty. It might seem sometimes as if his soul is tough and his heart is used, but maybe that’s just part of the struggle of learning to live the way he wants to live now.
(don’t be too hard on yourself)> He got kids now to love,
> He wants to do right by them.
> What he really needs is a shove,
> Every now and again.
> (sometimes I feel so stuck and lost)Maybe it’s particularly hard to lose those old self-protective habits when he’s with his kids, because it could mean becoming very vulnerable to people he loves deeply. That’s not easy.
(don’t be too hard on yourself)> What is missing, where is it?
> His brain is made of lard.
> He's bout ready to have a fit.
> He's finding this very hard.
> (I think I getting scared)Maybe he does feel sometimes as if his brain is made of lard. And yet here he is trying to make a difference in his life, and to bring up kids and to be more open. He’s already shown a great deal of courage. Lard almost never leads to courage.
(don’t be too hard on yourself)> Humptys struggling with all his might,
> He's getting kinda sad.
> He will never give up the fight,
> And at least he not all bad.
> (Yeah I getting sad and tired)Humpty seems to be experiencing the very normal sense that change is very difficult and very tiring. But he’s not giving up, because he’s come so far already!
(don’t be too hard on yourself!)>
> Does this make sense, what else could I add?
> Sigh,
> I just getting real, real tired of the fight. :(
> Real tired.It’s hard. Very hard. But you’re doing a great job. You’re doing really well. And it won’t take forever.
> p.s. yeah I'm a girl but I wrote about Humpty and he's a guy.
I noticed the girl/guy thing. Of course, he’s also an egg…
Sometimes it’s easier to put some distance into a description of your emotions. That way you can look at it as if it’s happening to someone else. Switching from girl to guy can create that distance.Is there anything particularly significant to you about the girl/guy switch?
(((((Muffly)))))
Hang in there. It will get better.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:588082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588092.html