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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl on November 21, 2005, at 19:00:01
I've been wondering about this one for a while. I've been going for about 5 years now and I still like to go. It feels so hopeful you know, and I like feeling supported and accepted and all. Is that a good enough reason? I like not feeling alone, like somebody else knows what I struggle with all the time. It doesn't feel the same talking with friends.
I think I may be obsessed with my own mental processes and the mental processes of others. Is this a way to spend a life?
I feel like I replaced my lousy parenting with my T, my poor, poor T
any thoughts on the length of therapy?
thanks :-)
-signed,
I'm not OK, you're OK
Posted by LadyBug on November 21, 2005, at 20:10:10
In reply to How long do you stay in therapy?, posted by sleepygirl on November 21, 2005, at 19:00:01
Well, I never set an amount of time on my therapy and in Jan. it will be 9 years. I can't hardly believe it! I get going along pretty good and then something in my life will go wack-o and bam, there I am for another year or more working through stuff. I can't seem to get where I want to be exactly, but my relationship with my therapist is wonderful and we have such a strong connection. I can't see myself ever telling her goodbye. And she's not the type to terminate me. Termination will be my choice of when and she has told me I could return if ever I need to. Therapy is something I need in my life to function. If I had a good relationship with my husband, things might be different.
Attachment to my T??? I'm guilty to the max!
LadyBug
Posted by annierose on November 21, 2005, at 22:09:32
In reply to How long do you stay in therapy?, posted by sleepygirl on November 21, 2005, at 19:00:01
I think you can stay in therapy as long as you feel you are getting something out of the experience. Feeling supported is an excellent reason to continue therapy. I know when I feel understood, supported and cared about, I function better as a mother, wife, boss, friend, etc ... however I'm still a bad daughter (don't think that will ever change).
I do think you are okay in feeling this. Therapy is different for everybody. This is my second go-around and it's been close to two years already.
Posted by Dinah on November 21, 2005, at 22:23:39
In reply to How long do you stay in therapy?, posted by sleepygirl on November 21, 2005, at 19:00:01
My therapist says that therapy can be different things to different people. And that support is a fine reason to continue therapy if it helps you function better in life. He's perfectly happy with my description of him as my therapist/mommy (though he usually changes it to therapist/mom) and my descriptions of my image of his milky breasts. Believe it or not. And even when I said the other day that I wondered if it was ok to feel comfy-cozy in therapy, he said he thought it was perfectly fine to feel comfy-cozy if I thought it helped the rest of my life go better.
Not all therapists are ok with long term supportive therapy, but if yours is, I don't think you need to feel bad about it.
Every once in a while for us, it seems we go through a patch where therapy is *about* the therapeutic relationship, and at those times it doesn't really seem helpful to my entire life. It may even seem disruptive to the rest of my life. I think the idea is that even those times are helpful because you're having the same sort of troubles with your therapist that you have with others in your life. And learning to change your interactions in therapy can change your interactions outside therapy.
I'm not sure that's always true.
Posted by sleepygirl on November 23, 2005, at 21:25:22
In reply to How long do you stay in therapy?, posted by sleepygirl on November 21, 2005, at 19:00:01
thanks guys for your thoughtful responses-
I saw my T today, and he said what I guess I kinda thought he might say - that it's up to me,
inevitably everything about me is up to meand something about that sucks right? for me anyway - after all everything is up to me - how lonely that can feel- I made a decision a long time ago to be super-independent (in some ways)
I've got so many relationships in which I don't feel connected.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm just not feeling so great right now. nothing, absolutely nothing is certain in this life.....and sometimes I'd really like to believe otherwise
Posted by annierose on November 23, 2005, at 21:34:29
In reply to Re: How long do you stay in therapy?, posted by sleepygirl on November 23, 2005, at 21:25:22
You wrote: >>>I've got so many relationships in which I don't feel connected.<<<<
I think lots of us feel that way. And that's why therapy is so important. You can practice feeling connected with your therapist, test how that feels, test the relationship, practice being assertive, etc. etc. Once you get comfortable with that feeling, you can bring these new experiences into your real life relationships. I know my husband sees lots of changes in me (I wish I saw more in him!). Knowing that my T would accept me no matter what I said, helped me say what I really needed to with my husband.
I'm not sure I'm making sense, I'm tired. What you wrote struck a chord with me. Don't feel bad not feeling connected. Test out that feeling with your T. Do you feel connected with him?
Aren't you glad he is saying to you, "You're in charge of this relationship, whether I'm in your life or not?" He won't kick you out. You get to decide that. I know that tiring feeling of always having to make decisions. But in therapy, for me, it's comforting to know my T is there for me as long as I need her.
Posted by sleepygirl on November 23, 2005, at 21:45:46
In reply to Re: How long do you stay in therapy? » sleepygirl, posted by annierose on November 23, 2005, at 21:34:29
yes I am glad he says I'm in charge and I know that's the only way it could be
it's just a little too familiar right now - it's hitting a nerve - a deep onehere we go again :-(
I haven't really been able to say everything I've needed to yet...people still scare me
I'm tired of this stuffYou make a lot of sense even if you're tired ;-)
Posted by Dinah on November 23, 2005, at 22:38:55
In reply to Re: How long do you stay in therapy?, posted by sleepygirl on November 23, 2005, at 21:25:22
> I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm just not feeling so great right now. nothing, absolutely nothing is certain in this life.....and sometimes I'd really like to believe otherwiseThat's the honest truth. And learning to live with that is probably the biggest challenge in our lives. Learning to live with that, and still take the chances that make life worthwhile is probably one of the greatest accomplishments in life, if we can achieve it.
Lots of people do that by managing to believe otherwise. Sometimes or all the time. Maybe that's not such a truly awful thing.
I don't know anymore.
It certainly seems that those who are buried most deeply in denial appear to be the most content. :)
Posted by sleepygirl on November 23, 2005, at 23:15:05
In reply to Re: How long do you stay in therapy?, posted by Dinah on November 23, 2005, at 22:38:55
thanks Dinah- I didn't know if anyone would understand that or not
I feel like I don't know anything at all, and even less as I go along
geez...I don't know what's important. I gave up believing in anything because I had to...so what matters? I just don't know... I miss my illusions - I must have had them at some time
Posted by sleepygirl on November 23, 2005, at 23:15:28
In reply to Re: How long do you stay in therapy?, posted by sleepygirl on November 23, 2005, at 23:15:05
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2005, at 12:17:58
In reply to Re: How long do you stay in therapy?, posted by sleepygirl on November 23, 2005, at 23:15:05
I still cling to my illusions, then get disproportionately angered when they're burst. Thus allowing myself to get hurt over and over.
Yet I don't want to believe in nothing.
I think I might be getting, just maybe, to a point where I at least understand that they are illusions and accept them as that while not giving up the pleasure they bring.
This is the end of the thread.
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