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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on November 13, 2005, at 9:44:51
In a post above you said:
>I want to matter.
(((Annierose)))
You do matter. You matter to your therapist, you matter to Babble, you matter to your kids and husband, you matter to the world, you matter to me.
I keep the Chicago pen you put in our bags at the party in my pocketbook. It is the pen I use to write checks for my therapist. So I think about you at least three times a week!
What's for lunch?
Posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 11:03:31
In reply to Annierose, posted by fallsfall on November 13, 2005, at 9:44:51
I think of you everytime I open the Starbucks mints container. So I associate you with fresh breath! :)
And we'll have to meet for coffee very very soon. I'll email you.
gg
Posted by Annierose on November 13, 2005, at 15:34:33
In reply to Annierose, posted by fallsfall on November 13, 2005, at 9:44:51
You made a grown woman cry!! And not just the tears down the cheek variety, the sobbing, throwing my head into the pillow type .... but I'm feeling better now. It's unseasonably warm in the midwest today. I went for a brisk walk with my i-pod, planted some tulip bulbs, cuddled with my daughter on the couch and watched a movie, sipped Starbucks and now ... going to the in-laws for dinner (I don't have to cook!!!) ... so my day got much better. But, I can keep busy all I want and the sadness, the lonliness, I know it's just below the surface waiting to be heard. I'll try to keep it there until Monday. I think she'll be surprised, or maybe not, and the intensity of emotion I'm bringing tomorrow.
I often wonder why now? What has brought all of this stuff to the surface now? It is our work? Was it something Pfinstegg said that helped me see my own angst? It is my daughter, now the age when I first realized I was depressed? It is hormonal? It is what it is. And I do feel blessed that I have you and my fellow babblers to hold my hand when I need help crossing the street, and my T. Afterall, I could be going through this by myself and I'm not. I really felt loved this morning when I read everyone's responses. That's why I cried so hard.
Posted by Annierose on November 13, 2005, at 15:39:04
In reply to Re: Annierose, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 11:03:31
GG-
Grin ... thank you for making me smile. I guess it's my turn on the roller-coaster. And it's a long line, so I'd better get off so somebody else can have a turn because I'm getting sick of going up and down!!I'm feeling better and looking forward to my session tomorrow morning. And I would like to meet you for coffee. I do know how family events can take up all of your time, but you'll know where to find me if you have a free minute or two. And you can get some Holiday shopping done!!
Posted by antigua on November 13, 2005, at 17:15:15
In reply to Re: Annierose » fallsfall, posted by Annierose on November 13, 2005, at 15:34:33
Don't underestimate the age of your daughter bringing things to the forefront. I know it has brought up all sorts of things for me, but thankfully it provides an opportunity to work through them and do a better job w/my own daughter.
Hope you feel better tomorrow,
antigua
Posted by daisym on November 13, 2005, at 17:51:59
In reply to Re: Annierose » fallsfall, posted by Annierose on November 13, 2005, at 15:34:33
What does it mean, "to matter?" I know I matter -- the things I do are important and the responsibilities I have are heavy. But do you want to matter for who you are -- the essence of you -- not for the roles and tasks you perform? This is the crux of my pain. And I know it is ancient.
The grief is wrapped around not mattering (enough?) to those who mattered most to me. And never ever being able to do enough, be good enough, be bad enough, whatever -- the make myself matter in this way.
As my children age, I matter to them less, not loved lessed, but they need me less. I think this stirs up those old feelings of someone needing me in order for me to matter to them.
I want to matter even in this state of totally chaos and mess I currently am. The question is, "to whom do I really still want to matter to?" And how do I stop wanting that.
Just some things to think about. And never forget, you matter to me. (((Annie)))
Posted by happyflower on November 13, 2005, at 18:50:06
In reply to Re: Annierose » Annierose, posted by daisym on November 13, 2005, at 17:51:59
Posted by Gee on November 13, 2005, at 22:46:36
In reply to Re: Annierose » fallsfall, posted by Annierose on November 13, 2005, at 15:34:33
As your kids grow, they become more independant, but that doesn't mean they need you less or that you matter less. I just left home for school at the start of the semester and I miss my mom more than I thought I would.
Roles change as life changes, but think of all the people you know, and how you matter to them. Try becoming more involved in the community. I know it's really helped me a lot
Posted by daisym on November 14, 2005, at 1:01:49
In reply to Re: Annierose Daisym, posted by Gee on November 13, 2005, at 22:46:36
Ah -- thanks Gee!
That was sure nice to hear. I have to tell you, I giggled at your advice. I run a nonprofit for disabled infants and toddlers.
:)
Posted by Annierose on November 14, 2005, at 18:04:53
In reply to Re: Annierose » Annierose, posted by daisym on November 13, 2005, at 17:51:59
Yes, to answer all your questions. I replied above to Pfinstegg about my session today with my T and the subject of mattering.
I feel I matter the most to my children, probably appropriately so (awkward language).
I understand this pain you describe.
And thank you for your help. You matter to me too.
Posted by Dinah on November 15, 2005, at 21:20:26
In reply to Re: Annierose » fallsfall, posted by Annierose on November 13, 2005, at 15:34:33
>>> Yes, I do want to matter to my therapist. I know she cares about me, but do I matter, as a person? When she goes about her daily life outside the office, does she ever come across something, a book, a movie and think, "Annie would like this." And as I wrote that sentence I remembered she saw the movie "June Bug" and told me she thought I would like the movie, that I probably could identify with one of the characters. So of course I went to see the movie. But even my dsyfunctional family wasn't that cold. Since I own a business, is she ever curious about going there (when she knows I'm away)?
Awww, sweetie. I so understand. Even though I know my therapist cares about me, I'm also relatively certain he forgets about me pretty quickly, if only because that's who he is as a person. But I'm sure your therapist cares about you as a person, and you come across her mind in the way that people in your life do. When something comes along that reminds her of you. She might even be curious about your life. But they're (fortunately) not as obsessive in their interest as we are. At least we hope they aren't, or they wouldn't be very good therapists. But she sees you in a very intense situation three times a week. Of course she thinks of you in the other hours. :)
I'm glad she's trying hard to convey her caring. My therapist was saying this week that he thought part of how intensive and long term therapy worked was knowing that there was someone out there who genuinely cared about you. I think that if they didn't care, it would shine through. But caring is a lot harder to absorb.
>>> By the way, I hope you had another solid session with your T today. At least you didn't have to wait as long to see him, but a week is still a long time inbetween in therapy-time. I understand that completely.
Yeah. We talked a lot about that, and how different it was from twice a week. And we talked about whether it was ok or healthy for me to use therapy the way I use it. He got pretty angry that I was questioning it. He seems to be a bit bristly lately. Stress I guess. It was a pretty good session, in that I felt the connection in the second half of the double session.
>>>> Thank you for your support. It really helped me today. I really needed it.
Any time. And I mean that. Don't think that I'll ever forget your kindness in the days after Katrina. You are truly a special person.
This is the end of the thread.
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