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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fairywings on November 5, 2005, at 23:58:25
Does anyone's else's T tell them stories that are really depressing, and why would a T do that? There's always a moral, but the images the stories leave in my mind keep me awake at night.
Also, my T hasn't had me retell most of what happened to me, and yet talks about moving on with my life. I haven't been able to open up enough to tell him, but he knows there are a lot of things that happened that I haven't been able to tell him, and he knows I have trouble with trust and opening up. I have so many scary thoughts and feelings, how do you move on w/o hashing it out?
fw
Posted by daisym on November 6, 2005, at 0:58:29
In reply to Depressing T stories, posted by fairywings on November 5, 2005, at 23:58:25
My therapist describes himself as a "minimalist" when it comes to sharing. He uses metaphors but rarely tells stories.
I think there are many philosophies about the value of telling old stories. Some therapists really believe in getting it all out and talking about traumatic events a lot. Others don't believe that reliving the past is useful or healthy and instead focus on coping skills.
I often complain that half my therapy time is spent on discussing therapy itself. I want to talk about my feelings for him, I want to be sure I'm doing therapy "right" and I want to know what he is thinking and what comes next. Sometimes I think I veer off in these discussions to avoid my issues but, I do know that understanding how he works and being able to talk about how it is making me feel, has really helped me to keep going. I think you should ask your therapist how he works, how he feels about retelling stories of your past and what his general philosophies are. It isn't rude to ask...I think it might help you understand his comments better.
I hope it gets easier for you soon.
Posted by fairywings on November 6, 2005, at 10:43:56
In reply to Re: Depressing T stories » fairywings, posted by daisym on November 6, 2005, at 0:58:29
> My therapist describes himself as a "minimalist" when it comes to sharing. He uses metaphors but rarely tells stories.
I like that my T shares, and I don't want him to quit sharing, but some of the stories involve depressing topics like suicide. Last week it made me worry about the possibility of suicide among the T's and p-doc's in his office. I don't think he intended to illicit that kind of response in me. All the other stuff he talked about was more positive, more on looking at things differently, but I got stuck on the stories.
>
> I think there are many philosophies about the value of telling old stories. Some therapists really believe in getting it all out and talking about traumatic events a lot. Others don't believe that reliving the past is useful or healthy and instead focus on coping skills.We've talked about how he does therapy, and I think you're right, he's into behavior changes that eventually change thinking patterns. He's not CBT though. I guess I will have to ask if he thinks there's value in talking about the past. I don't mind not talking about it, but it's hard to know those feelings are there, and not do anything with them. He does say not to pretend they're not there, or say that I feel better about something I don't feel better about.
As far as the stories, it's hard for me to see what's going on while I'm in my session, I don't get the feelings until afterwards. I can't really process everything until afterwards, when I have time to think about it. The end of the story, or moral, is supposed to be the part I'm hearing, but the moral is getting lost in the depressing stories that come before the moral.
>
> I often complain that half my therapy time is spent on discussing therapy itself. I want to talk about my feelings for him, I want to be sure I'm doing therapy "right" and I want to know what he is thinking and what comes next. Sometimes I think I veer off in these discussions to avoid my issues but, I do know that understanding how he works and being able to talk about how it is making me feel, has really helped me to keep going. I think you should ask your therapist how he works, how he feels about retelling stories of your past and what his general philosophies are. It isn't rude to ask...I think it might help you understand his comments better.
>
> I hope it gets easier for you soon.Thanks daisy. Everything you say is always so helpful. It seems like you think so clearly, and see things so clearly. I look to your posts to have a better understanding of things. You see things that would never occur to me.
fw
Posted by muffled on November 7, 2005, at 22:58:39
In reply to Re: Depressing T stories ***trigger*** » daisym, posted by fairywings on November 6, 2005, at 10:43:56
>> I like that my T shares, and I don't want him to quit sharing, but some of the stories involve depressing topics like suicide.
*That sort of sounds weird, not to offend you? I don't think I understand what you mean about stories? My T. will occasional tell a story about something in her own life to explain a point she's making, but thats it. Is it stories out of books? or the news? or about himself?
I don't mind not talking about it, but it's hard to know those feelings are there, and not do anything with them. He does say not to pretend they're not there, or say that I feel better about something I don't feel better about.*Yeah. Those past feelings don't seem to go away. My T. I think is more cbt oriented. I think she thinks that all that old sh*t will just go away once you've got enough 'skills' or something. But they don't. They just keep eating away at you. At me anyways.
>
> As far as the stories, it's hard for me to see what's going on while I'm in my session, I don't get the feelings until afterwards. I can't really process everything until afterwards, when I have time to think about it. The end of the story, or moral, is supposed to be the part I'm hearing, but the moral is getting lost in the depressing stories that come before the moral.*I'm like that. I always write my T. a note afterwards when I've chilled some. I think you should definately tell your T. how you feel about it. Maybe he has some special T. strategy he's working on or something!? I goto wonder sometimes. Those T's, do they REALLY tell you what they are thinking, REALLY?
>
> >
> > I hope it gets easier for you soon.*yeah, me too.
>
Take care FW
Muffled.
>
>
Posted by fairywings on November 8, 2005, at 19:40:35
In reply to Re: Depressing T stories ***trigger***, posted by muffled on November 7, 2005, at 22:58:39
> *That sort of sounds weird, not to offend you? I don't think I understand what you mean about stories? My T. will occasional tell a story about something in her own life to explain a point she's making, but thats it. Is it stories out of books? or the news? or about himself?
what happened was asked to review a case and told them that the guy would probably commit suicde if they didn't give him treatment. they ignored his advice, and the guy did.
my T was trying to make a point that you can't control ppl, and that he believes ppl do the best they can given the resources they have, and he tries not to get angry about it, hard as it is.
That made me think of a guy i knew in college who tried, but failed, which made him think of a T he knew who tried and failed.> *Yeah. Those past feelings don't seem to go away. My T. I think is more cbt oriented. I think she thinks that all that old sh*t will just go away once you've got enough 'skills' or something. But they don't. They just keep eating away at you. At me anyways.
seems my T must feel the same way. The thoughts haunt me, they don't go away. They haven't changed, but i've only been seeing him maybe 11 or 12 weeks now.
muffled, have you told your T that you still have all the old stuff eating away at you? If so, what does she say?
> *I'm like that. I always write my T. a note afterwards when I've chilled some. I think you should definately tell your T. how you feel about it. Maybe he has some special T. strategy he's working on or something!? I goto wonder sometimes. Those T's, do they REALLY tell you what they are thinking, REALLY?i don't think it was a strategy, i don't know what he was thinking, maybe didn't realize how much those things bother me. i don't know.
thanks (((muffled)))!
; )
fw
Posted by laterain on November 10, 2005, at 18:39:48
In reply to Re: Depressing T stories ***trigger***, posted by fairywings on November 8, 2005, at 19:40:35
not to be an annoying DBT-head, and not saying I'm "convinced" as of yet, but in DBT (which is a variation of CBT--all these initials, lol)but the whole theory is that it won't necessarily get better, the feelings WON'T go away, but having the "skills" helps you somehow to deal with them. it was very sobering to be looking through Marsha Linehan's book and she said something towards the end about not knowing if the clients she treats really ever COULD get beyond the trauma they'd experienced as children, but that the whole point of DBT was to somehow help make it more bearable or teach them how to cope with the suckiness of it all. I don't know. when I hear things like that, I do wonder about why I would even bother living through the next thirty years in this same mess that I'm in . . . but I'm here, by default, anyway. but I do share the frustration about "just change the way you THINK" as if that's some kind of magic bullet . . .
Rain
>
> > *Yeah. Those past feelings don't seem to go away. My T. I think is more cbt oriented. I think she thinks that all that old sh*t will just go away once you've got enough 'skills' or something. But they don't. They just keep eating away at you. At me anyways.
Posted by daisym on November 10, 2005, at 20:16:26
In reply to Re: Depressing T stories ***trigger***, posted by laterain on November 10, 2005, at 18:39:48
Rain,
It is hard to hear, isn't it? But no one can undo what was done, or not done.
My therapist tells me that it will always feel bad to think about, it will always be an awful thing. But that eventually it won't be so overwhelming when I think about it, it will become background noise, more painful at certain times, less at others. So while I can't always convince myself this is worth working through, hopefully I can convince you.
Hang in there.
Daisy
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