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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Shortelise on November 3, 2005, at 22:21:57
In reply to Countdown, posted by Dinah on November 2, 2005, at 21:36:45
I am thinking of you Dinah.
ShortE
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 4, 2005, at 7:20:37
In reply to Re: Countdown » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on November 3, 2005, at 22:21:57
Dinah, hi. I was wondering about you son's play therapist, whom you thought so highly of. Is she able to practice now? From what you've told us about your son, he sounds so intelligent and warm-hearted, but exquisitely sensitive as well. It might be an awful lot for him to lose his Montessori school and his therapist- both of which seemed to be so helpful to him.
That said, I am getting the impression that your therapist's life is pretty disorganized now, and that he's not able to offer you the steady support and treatment you would like.
If you moved to a place like Huntsville, do you think you would be able to find another therapist for you and your son, plus another Montessori school? It seems that your husband can miraculously keep his work where=ever he goes! Would it be worthwhile to visit Huntsville and see exactly what there is there for you?
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:49:32
In reply to Re: Countdown » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on November 3, 2005, at 22:21:57
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:54:52
In reply to Re: Countdown » Shortelise, posted by Pfinstegg on November 4, 2005, at 7:20:37
It's me who won't lose my job, unless telecommuting doesn't work out. My husband will most likely have to take a pay cut (hard to believe when working in New Orleans, but he has specialized skills).
I know there are no schools like my son's in Huntsville, and public schools would be a huge shock to his system. My husband says he'd have to go to public school there because they have good ones.
I don't know the quality of therapists up there. If he needed help, I'd definitely try to find one for him. But I'm not sure that I'd try to find one for me. I'm really beginning to think that it's not therapy that's helpful to me so much as my therapist. After ten years, I think I know the actual therapy part of stuff. At any rate, I haven't been particularly excited about what I've found out there.
His play therapist will be back in December, but he seems indifferent as to whether or not he sees her again. Not opposed, but not excited either. Understandable, I guess.
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:59:01
In reply to Re: Countdown » Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:54:52
Not unless I can find someone to watch my son. Which is doubtful. My mother is the only one around, apart from one school friend whose number I'm not sure I know.
My poor husband had to go up to where my grandmother in law is. Believe it or not she's in the hospital. We haven't heard from the emergency room doctors yet, but she was in the hospital a bit more than a week ago with heart problems.
I figure I'm going to go to h*ll over not being able to put up with the vomit phobia and let them stay here. His two remaining family members. He should hate me.
Posted by Gee on November 4, 2005, at 11:00:21
In reply to I can't go Sunday after all, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:59:01
That must be a huge disapointment. I'm so sorry. I hope you can find someone to watch your son
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 11:07:00
In reply to Re: I can't go Sunday after all, posted by Gee on November 4, 2005, at 11:00:21
My mother will watch him, but I think it'll have to be a single, not double, session. :(
Posted by fallsfall on November 4, 2005, at 11:59:36
In reply to I probably can, actually, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 11:07:00
You should go. He'll be fine with your mother (even for a double session). He can take care of himself with just a little guidance. Can your mother come to your house?
Your inlaw's health issues are not your fault. They needed more care than you could give them - irregardless of your phobia. You knew that at the time, and that is why you placed them where you did. It was the right thing to do.
I wish for Sunday to come quickly for you.
(((Dinah)))
Falls.
Posted by 64bowtie on November 4, 2005, at 14:49:00
In reply to Re: Countdown » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on November 3, 2005, at 12:18:44
> >
> > That's a very bad sign. I thought I had begun to break this accursed dependence on a mother figure that just doesn't deserve it. Any more than my own mother deserved any reliance I put on her. I've always known this guy had a majorly unstable life. Why did I allow myself to get in this situation?
>
> Hi Dinah,
> Just a comment..you didn't get into this situation alone or by yourself. He's part of it, too. He plays his role.
>
> I hope your session goes well and is helpful.
>
> gg
>Hey, (((GG))) and (((Dinah))),
Let me add that he brings his stuff and even some other folks stuff into the circle y'alls create... Czek out "Games Alcoholics Play", not for the substance abuse stuff, but rather the group dynamics stuff that makes it so hard to break habits... The authur, Dr. Claud Stiener may sound experimental, but remember, he wrote the book in 1968 & 1969, back when 'dirt was still new'!
Rod
Posted by Tamar on November 4, 2005, at 15:41:59
In reply to Countdown, posted by Dinah on November 2, 2005, at 21:36:45
I can understand that it feels harder when you know he’s in the country. That makes perfect sense to me. I remember when I had to go a month without seeing my therapist the last few days were absolute agony. I think it’s a proximity thing: the nearer something is, the greater the need feels. (This isn’t a pretty image, but when I was in the last couple of days of that month without my therapist, I was privately comparing my feelings to that feeling of being in a car a mile from home and really *really* needing to pee… the closer I get to home, the worse it feels, until by the time I’m in my street I think I’m going to embarrass myself completely. Yeah, welcome to Diabetes World… I don’t know if you get the same thing… Anyway, I haven’t yet had an accident in the car and I managed to get to the end of that month…)OK, unpleasant imagery over…
I’m glad he isn’t planning to terminate you. And I hope you get through the next two days without too much stress.
(((((Dinah)))))
Posted by Annierose on November 4, 2005, at 16:19:17
In reply to I probably can, actually, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 11:07:00
If I lived closer, I'd be happy to watch him! I think he is close to my son's age, prehaps a year or two older (my son is 7). Like Falls said, they can pretty much entertain themselves now, I hope you keep your double session. You'll need that time to reconnect.
Sorry about your husband's grandmother.
The weekend is here. You are in the home stretch!! Keep busy to help pass the time.
Posted by gardenergirl on November 4, 2005, at 16:38:58
In reply to Re: I probably can, actually, posted by Annierose on November 4, 2005, at 16:19:17
Glad you worked it out. I hope it goes well.
gg
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 20:15:30
In reply to Re: I probably can, actually, posted by gardenergirl on November 4, 2005, at 16:38:58
My mother said she'd be delighted to stay as long as I like at our house. She hasn't seen much of my son since Daddy died, she said. So unless something comes up, it's a double session.
My grandmother in law sounds like she's not in too bad shape, though it's hard to tell because my husband hasn't spoken to anyone in authority yet. We are going to make moving her closer a priority, though how or where we can't begin to fathom.
And my therapist told me as much of his plans as he knows (which isn't all that much), so I don't have to wonder till Sunday. It's not good news. It looks like they'll remain in their new location, and his realistic ability to see me depends on what he chooses to do for a living, although he swears he has no intention of terminating me.
I hate Katrina.
Still, this way is better. My attachment can die a slow boring death, which has got to be better than a sudden ripping away. I don't know that it can stand up to long long car drives, anxiety and fear of loss, and all those things that will undermine the sense of safety that was the basis for the attachment to begin with.
But I think another therapist isn't the answer. The other two have seemed totally irrelevant. I'll just go it alone, with dependence on Risperdal. At least Risperdal isn't going to abandon me.
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 4, 2005, at 21:13:40
In reply to Re: I probably can, actually, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 20:15:30
Maybe look for a new male therapist for you?
Posted by Annierose on November 5, 2005, at 6:25:30
In reply to Re: I probably can, actually, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 20:15:30
Dinah -
You do not sound too hopeful. You do sound very sad.
I know that no one should say bad things about our therapist, in that regard, it's like family (when we were kids). I can tease my brother, but my friends shouldn't. I do think your T is wonderful. But he wasn't trained for long term theraputic relationships. So I think he did a fantasic job in developing the trust, attachment, etc ... but now, I sense (and I may be wrong) he doesn't know how to use that attachment and move forward for change.
I'm not saying you should stop seeing him. Never. I know how important he is to you; and I know how important my T is to me right now. They are a life-line. Rather, something to consider.
My attachment to my T is very strong these days. And I'm sharing those feelings. And I can hear where she is going with them, untangling them, working with them.
I am glad that you will have a double session tomorrow. You'll need time to reconnect and feel safe again.
I truly hope I didn't offend you or your relationship. It's not my intention. Just a thought that occured to me.
Annie
Posted by Poet on November 5, 2005, at 18:10:19
In reply to I can't go Sunday after all, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:59:01
Hi Dinah,
Don't put the blame on yourself for your grandmother-in-law's health problems. Even if you didn't have your phobia, you still aren't qualified to give her the level of care she needs. The hospital is.
I'm glad you can see your T tomorrow and that he's not terminating you. I just wish his personal issues didn't hurt you so much. That isn't right, but I'll shut up.
Poet
Posted by All Done on November 5, 2005, at 23:37:02
In reply to Re: I probably can, actually, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 20:15:30
I hope your session goes well.
(((((Dinah)))))
Posted by fallsfall on November 6, 2005, at 9:46:20
In reply to Re: I probably can, actually » Dinah, posted by All Done on November 5, 2005, at 23:37:02
Posted by LadyBug on November 6, 2005, at 10:13:13
In reply to Thinking of you today, Dinah (nm), posted by fallsfall on November 6, 2005, at 9:46:20
Hope all goes well and you come away feeling good about seeing him and the things you can talk about. I know this must be so hard. I wish you the best in what you have to deal with and I know it's not what you would have chosed to happen to you and your T.
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by fairywings on November 6, 2005, at 10:51:05
In reply to Thinking of you today, Dinah, posted by LadyBug on November 6, 2005, at 10:13:13
Goo luck today Dinah. I hope you have a really good, and productive session.
fw
Posted by gardenergirl on November 6, 2005, at 14:44:22
In reply to Thinking of you today, Dinah (nm), posted by fallsfall on November 6, 2005, at 9:46:20
Me too.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 6, 2005, at 14:57:09
In reply to Re: Thinking of you today, Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on November 6, 2005, at 14:44:22
Posted by Annierose on November 6, 2005, at 16:09:45
In reply to Me three (nm), posted by 10derHeart on November 6, 2005, at 14:57:09
Thought about you all day.
I hope you left your session with him inside your heart, holding you.
Posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 18:27:43
In reply to Re: Me four, posted by Annierose on November 6, 2005, at 16:09:45
It wasn't the stuff of legends. I think double sessions might be just too long. That level of intensity can only be sustained for at most a session and a half.
I can't say I wanted a good session, but in some ways it was very good.
It was so good to be talking to someone who understands me so well that I could talk the way I think, without interpreting it for outside my brain.
Someone who completely believed that T2 was indeed critical of my presentation, while managing to be completely uncritical and matter of fact about discussing why it might be.
Someone who understood it wasn't a therapist that I needed so much as a therapist/mommy, and who also understood that other therapists wouldn't know that, and normalizing my experiences with them.
He's more optimistic about our therapeutic future than I am, and he does have some contingency plans in case the precarious basis we see each other now collapses.
I came home and fell into one of the sleeps that I used to complain about, but felt soooo good after not having one for six weeks. Maybe they're not just "forgetting sleeps". Maybe they're "forgetting and restoring sleeps".
As to the actual content of the session, I don't remember.
Except that a couple of times he got mad, and did what I call "crossing his arms", which has nothing really to do with physically crossing his arms, but rather throwing up a wall. And when we talked about it, he pointed out that while he might do that, if I pointed it out to him he dropped the walls nearly as quickly as they went up.
And having that sort of discussion felt so reassuring.
I don't get it, I really don't. But I feel ok.
Posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 18:31:42
In reply to Wan smile, posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 18:27:43
And sending positive therapy vibes my way.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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