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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on November 1, 2005, at 18:54:56
people whose families have been here a hundred years or more. They don't understand what that means. In advantage, in sheer advantage they live their lives, never really knowing or understanding what they have, and never appreciating what it is to know what you're missing. People like me, we know though. We know exactly what we're missing, because we have.. imagination. And the skill of having been hurt by it all, and still being hurt, over and over and over again, never feeling good enough, always being used.
I hate that. Why is it like that? Why do some people feel and live lives like a rhinocerous in a china shop? Or something like that.
Like me. Ew.
Posted by Susan47 on November 1, 2005, at 19:00:00
In reply to There're People in my country, in my city,, posted by Susan47 on November 1, 2005, at 18:54:56
I think this trip is triggering stuff in me, I don't feel good. Not one bit, and this is awful.
I have to go watch a movie, now. I have to calm myself, still my head and stop it from spinning, get my mind occupied on something I can forget as soon as it's entered consciousness.
I hate my effing life. But not really. Because if something happens and I die then I would've been sorry I'd said that.
Posted by Poet on November 1, 2005, at 21:07:23
In reply to Re: There're People in my country, in my city,, posted by Susan47 on November 1, 2005, at 19:00:00
Hi Susan,
I hate my life right now, too. Hate myself more than usual and I usually despise myself intensly.
I hope the movie helps. I need to self medicate with some wine.
Poet
p.s. You lost me on your India visit, but I'm chalking that up to my foggy thinking. Or the wine.
Posted by Susan47 on November 2, 2005, at 2:37:22
In reply to Re: There're People in my country, in my city, » Susan47, posted by Poet on November 1, 2005, at 21:07:23
It's really hard when yu hate yourself plus you have these habits you can't seem to lose which you'd really like to ... today things fell apart on me when I realized I'm NOT READY to travel because I'm not yet completely prepared, and I HATE that that is so not the way I usually do things, my only excuse is my complete ineptitude because of my habit .. or myself ... but you see I'm a capable, competent person at work and nobody, I mean, people might suspect I have some kind of manic thing going on at times, but nobody knows, nobody knows and I hope I'm completely dry by the time I return because I can't live like this anymore, not well, but Poet the thing is that I can't live without this anymore either. I loved my therapist and seeing him kept me going, it made me feel special and loved and I don't have him at all anymore in any even any teeny tiny way in my life, and I'm broken without my drug now, because he was my drug and I had to replace him.
I don't know what to do to feel good anymore, I don't know how to continue without a drug. If I don't have that high, and things aren't going well, I fall into a gloomy pit I can't drag myself out of in any other way than .. getting high.
I hate myself too Poet, I can totally relate.
This is the end of the thread.
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