Posted by Susan47 on November 2, 2005, at 2:37:22
In reply to Re: There're People in my country, in my city, » Susan47, posted by Poet on November 1, 2005, at 21:07:23
It's really hard when yu hate yourself plus you have these habits you can't seem to lose which you'd really like to ... today things fell apart on me when I realized I'm NOT READY to travel because I'm not yet completely prepared, and I HATE that that is so not the way I usually do things, my only excuse is my complete ineptitude because of my habit .. or myself ... but you see I'm a capable, competent person at work and nobody, I mean, people might suspect I have some kind of manic thing going on at times, but nobody knows, nobody knows and I hope I'm completely dry by the time I return because I can't live like this anymore, not well, but Poet the thing is that I can't live without this anymore either. I loved my therapist and seeing him kept me going, it made me feel special and loved and I don't have him at all anymore in any even any teeny tiny way in my life, and I'm broken without my drug now, because he was my drug and I had to replace him.
I don't know what to do to feel good anymore, I don't know how to continue without a drug. If I don't have that high, and things aren't going well, I fall into a gloomy pit I can't drag myself out of in any other way than .. getting high.
I hate myself too Poet, I can totally relate.
poster:Susan47
thread:574264
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/574415.html