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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on October 1, 2005, at 20:37:57
I had a dream Thursday night that I don't think I want to understand or really think about. I told my therapist about it on the phone yesterday and he wanted to talk about it and I found myself moving away from it. It seems sort of obvious but perhaps there is some painful core I couldn't look at? I'll be interested in what you guys think.
I was in the "treehouse" office and I stood up to leave. I opened the door and suddenly turned back and hugged my therapist and killed him. I don't know what the weapon was because I can't remember a gun or knife in the dream. But I knew he was dead. His next client came up the stairs and saw he was dead. So she started yelling at me, "look what you've done, you took him away from all of us, what will we do now that he isn't here?!" As she was yelling at me, I kept saying I didn't mean to, I didn't try to and I didn't know how it happened. And she turned into my mother, yelling at me that if I hadn't been so demanding this never would have happened and that she needed him and now he wasn't there for her or anyone. She called me selfish and a bunch of other things. I panicked and ran down the stairs and woke up out of breath and sweating.
So...?
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 20:43:59
In reply to Avoiding Dream Meaning, posted by daisym on October 1, 2005, at 20:37:57
that sounds awful! I hate when I have vivid nightmares.>>And she turned into my mother, yelling at me that if I hadn't been so demanding this never would have happened and that she needed him and now he wasn't there for her or anyone. She called me selfish and a bunch of other things. I panicked and ran down the stairs and woke up out of breath and sweating
I think thats it right there. Are you worried that others think you are too demanding of your t? Or are you worried of becoming too dependent on him and pushing him away?
Posted by Shortelise on October 1, 2005, at 20:50:39
In reply to Avoiding Dream Meaning, posted by daisym on October 1, 2005, at 20:37:57
You hugged him and that killed him?Do you and your therapist hug? Would it harm your realtionship if it did?
Is showing affection dangerous?
Do you fear the destruction of that part of you that is being healed?
Are you well enough that you don't really need him anymore, but part of you wants to stay with him, keep your need for him alive?
THis is a great one for being everything in your dream. Be the therapist. What do you feel? What's it like to die from a hug? WHy do you die?
Be the other client. How do you feel?Such a rich dream, daisy!
ShortE
Posted by daisym on October 2, 2005, at 14:35:22
In reply to Re: Avoiding Dream Meaning » daisym, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 20:43:59
I only recently told my mom I was in therapy. She believes that I am "equipped" to handle anything because I'm a "strong, smart woman who just picks her self up and keeps going." Her reaction to me being in therapy was to tell me that the therapist might be able to help me see that I already knew the answers. *sigh*
Yes, I'm trying not to be so dependent, for lots of reasons. And yes, I'm always worried about being too much for my therapist. My mother told me my whole life that she never knew how to make me happy, she felt like nothing she ever did was ever good enough for me, I always wanted something from her she couldn't give or couldn't figure out. But why would she need my therapist?
Weird...
Posted by daisym on October 2, 2005, at 14:54:24
In reply to Re: Avoiding Dream Meaning » daisym, posted by Shortelise on October 1, 2005, at 20:50:39
You hugged him and that killed him?
***I guess so. I didn't see a weapon and I didn't feel mad in the dream.Do you and your therapist hug? Would it harm your realtionship if it did?
***NO - never. Before he left on vacation I really wanted to hug him good-bye. I'm very stand-offish so this is unusual for me. It has happened before, wanting to hug him. When we've talked about it I've said I didn't want to know if he would allow it or not. Because if the answer is yes, it is really scary and if it is no, it is rejection. As much as I would understand the no, I know myself well enough to know it would hurt my feelings. I would assume that he didn't want to touch me (repulsed) or be touched by me.Is showing affection dangerous?
***Yes. Allowing anyone in your personal space, especially someone with power over you, is very dangerous. I freeze, my defenses crumble and I'm vulnerable to whatever.Do you fear the destruction of that part of you that is being healed?
***Good question. The internal war is definately heated up as I try to protect myself from my feelings. I think that powerful gatekeeper fears annilation.Are you well enough that you don't really need him anymore, but part of you wants to stay with him, keep your need for him alive?
***I voice this fear a lot. How will I know? How do you separate need from want? He has lots of answers but two stick out -- one is that when I pull away and keep it all inside, I get much more suicidal. The feelings tidal wave somehow and I can't titrate it for myself. The other answer he has is more complicated. It is something about not being ashamed of my needs or my wants -- why is it such a bad thing to know what I want and to actually get it? He sort of contends that I'll be much healthier when I don't have to turn a want into a need in order to let myself have it.THis is a great one for being everything in your dream. Be the therapist. What do you feel? What's it like to die from a hug?
***I think I've done that a thousand times - and it feels really sad to die that way.
WHy do you die? ***Toxic patient? Don't know.Be the other client. How do you feel?
***Furious that this person has sucked all the life out of MY therapist. Why couldn't she just leave him alone like the rest of us do?!Such a rich dream, daisy!
Even though I left it on the phone call I suspect we will go back to it tomorrow. Why does this scare me? Is it about the hug, or is it about killing him?
Posted by Tamar on October 2, 2005, at 17:27:28
In reply to Avoiding Dream Meaning, posted by daisym on October 1, 2005, at 20:37:57
That sounds like a very frightening dream.
Are you afraid that your feelings are too much for your therapist? That if you really told him everything he would abandon you? It seems as if his death in your dream is a consequence of your gesture of affection. I know I sometimes think I’m so contaminated that if I’m untouchable; that no one would ever want to hug me, and that my feelings of affection are dangerous to other people. Do you ever feel something like that?
There certainly seems to be a theme of fear of abandonment. But in your dream you don’t even get to focus on your own abandonment because as soon as you’ve been abandoned you are verbally attacked by another client, who turns into your mother. So you have no opportunity to deal with your feelings when your therapist dies. Even before you can begin to think about why he died you’re being accused and other people assume you’re guilty. Is feeling guilty an automatic response for you?
The encounter with your mother in your dream is probably very significant. In the dream you aren’t able to deal with her; you aren’t able to tell she’s wrong, and you have to run away. And your therapist can’t help you because he’s dead and so he can’t reassure you; he can’t tell you that you aren’t too demanding.
The hug with your therapist might symbolise your attempts to accept aspects of yourself that you have separated from your conscious ideas about your identity. His subsequent death might symbolise your fears about what self acceptance might involve, or your fear that you aren’t able to accept yourself. The attack by the mother-figure might symbolise what you’re left with if you aren’t able to accept these aspects of yourself. It’s frightening because she overwhelms you and you need to escape (become symbolically an adult). But without your therapist you can only separate yourself from her by running away; you can’t outgrow her influence without him.
I think to resolve this dream you need to find a way of bringing your therapist back to life (metaphorically speaking). In fact, the mother-figure might actually be responsible for the death of the therapist but she shifts the blame onto you. Bringing him back to life might reduce her power over you.
One thing I sometimes do is to visualise how I would have liked the dream to end, rather than how it actually ended. If I’d had your dream I might imagine running down the stairs away from the mother-figure and encountering the therapist-figure (alive) at the bottom of the stairs. At this point I would hug him again and he wouldn’t die; he would hug me back and at the same time the mother-figure would disappear.
I don’t know if that would work for you… but sometimes I find that imagining a better ending provides some kind of resolution for me.
Tamar
Posted by orchid on October 3, 2005, at 13:45:07
In reply to Avoiding Dream Meaning, posted by daisym on October 1, 2005, at 20:37:57
This is just another interpretation.
Possibly you were thinking of starting an affair with your T, and that makes him stop his practice.
Maybe you were afraid the next client would be mad at you for taking your T away from them.
And maybe, your mother being there, could mean, that at some level you think of your T and your Father as one. Maybe by having an affair with your T, you are reminded of the time you were sexually abused by your father, and maybe your own guilt of it somehow being your responsibility because you were so demanding(you probably are thinking you were so demanding and somehow invited this csa on yourself).
This is the end of the thread.
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