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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 0:07:17
OK, let me get this straight...transference can occur in everyday life between all sorts of people?
When someone reacts in a way that is totally out of proportion to the actual situation it is a transference reaction?
Good golly, that happens to me all the time!
I just don't get it...
Nothing really bad happened in my childhood or anything.I mean, I remember being extremely anxious and sometimes extremely angry as a kid, but nothing really bad happened to me or anything.
Maybe I just didn't get enough affection or something? :-(
How in the heck am I supposed to get rid of this annoying transference thing I have?
Deneb
Posted by 10derHeart on September 19, 2005, at 8:09:24
In reply to Questions about transference, posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 0:07:17
Hi Deneb,
I don't think it's possible - maybe not even totally desirable - to get rid of it.
I'm thinking it's so automatic and so human
we can't really do that.
Just maybe to recognize, understand
Be open to possibilitites that the feelings you have aren't always *all*
About the person, group, or situation
Happening in the here and nowCheck out this article, you might enjoy it. I have several more, and I'll post those links later today when I have time :-) -- 10Der
http://www.crisiscounseling.com/Articles/Transference.htm
Posted by BigFish on September 19, 2005, at 14:14:50
In reply to Re: Questions about transference » Deneb, posted by 10derHeart on September 19, 2005, at 8:09:24
I find these two phrases alarming:
"In some forms of psychotherapy, a therapist will intentionally create or allow transference to form. When done properly..."
"... creating transference in therapy can make a therapist look mystical and brilliant. Cult therapies are based in part on generating positive transference to control and manipulate people..."
In a sense they indicate a sanctioning of manipulation.
Posted by Tamar on September 19, 2005, at 15:33:00
In reply to Questions about transference, posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 0:07:17
Hi Deneb,
> OK, let me get this straight...transference can occur in everyday life between all sorts of people?
Yep!
> When someone reacts in a way that is totally out of proportion to the actual situation it is a transference reaction?
Yeah, like the day I met my husband and fell in love at first sight and decided I was going to marry him. (And although I did marry him, it was nevertheless transference when I met him!)
> Good golly, that happens to me all the time!
>
> I just don't get it...
> Nothing really bad happened in my childhood or anything.I don’t think that experiencing transference is a sign of a difficult childhood. Most people are experiencing some transference when they fall in love, or when they meet someone they want to be friends with. It’s kind of like a shorthand: you’ve felt xyz about certain people before, and you meet someone who reminds you of those people so you feel xyz about the new person (if that makes sense).
> I mean, I remember being extremely anxious and sometimes extremely angry as a kid, but nothing really bad happened to me or anything.
>
> Maybe I just didn't get enough affection or something? :-(If you feel that you didn’t get enough affection, then perhaps that feeling will influence your experience of transference.
> How in the heck am I supposed to get rid of this annoying transference thing I have?
Ah, if there were an easy answer to that, half the posts on this board might not exist! Seriously, though, if you do therapy and you explore what kinds of transference feelings arise, you’ll probably discover some really helpful things. I don’t think you can get rid of it exactly, but perhaps it comes to have less power once you understand where it’s coming from.
I hope that makes some sense. Good luck!
Tamar
Posted by Shortelise on September 20, 2005, at 16:56:28
In reply to Questions about transference, posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 0:07:17
What happens to me is things like the following.
I go the the store, and the cashier does not acknowledge my existence. S/he doesn't look at me, doesn't respond if I speak, just pretty much ignores me. Doesn't thank me when I pay.
I feel furious!Do I say to myself, hey, this guys having a really bad day?
DO I say to her/him, are you having a really bad day?
Do I ask if I said something to offent?
Well, I do these last things now, as often as I am able, but no, before, I didn't.
I would just seethe. I would say, "I would really appreciate it if you would say hello, at least look at me, and thank me for my business" in a very assertive tone.
I would feel I had been insulted, that this person treated me in the manner s/he did in order to be insulting, to show superiority. It was about me, not about him or her.
I try now to go to where those feelings come from, to stop and ask myself why I feel the way I do, where does it come from, what other situation does it make me think of.
I try to ask myself why this person would act toward me in this manner. Did I say something?Did I sneer or seem hostile. I don't think so, (but maybe if I say something very friendly and look them straight in the eye in a kind way, it'll help). Did the person before me in line hurt this person, so s/he is just ina state of "keep back"? Or maybe s/he is just a jerk and is so, what do I care?
The same when I feel hostile for no reason, or afraid of someone, or any knee-jerk reaction I have. I try to bring myself into the feeling and... sort of feel around in it to see what it really is. I used to be angry all the time, and hurt too. It turns out that those feelings are old protective tools.
Sorry if this is a little disjointed. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. It's hard to "be in the moment" and not drag other crap along, but I'm trying. Therapy got me here.
ShortE
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