![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 22:43:27
I wrote an email to my son's play therapist today to bring her up to date on the latest deaths and things like that. At the end, I surprised myself by writing that while my son is less distressed by my husband's behavior, I find myself oddly more distressed by it.
That's all I told her.
But I asked myself the questions my therapist would have asked me, and I think I came to the conclusion that as my son grows stronger and is less affected by it, I'm not able to hide behind his feelings and be indignant on his behalf. So I'm starting to have to acknowledge how irritated it makes *me*. Therefore it's actually bothering me more, though it should bother me less since it isn't hurting my son as much.
But now I've figured that much out, I'm stuck. What would my therapist tell me next?
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 22:58:18
In reply to Being my own therapist, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 22:43:27
Of course, I'm not a perfect parent myself. Someone was posting about their mother always sleeping or having a headache, and I was ashamed to recognize myself in that.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 23, 2005, at 23:32:19
In reply to Re: Being my own therapist » Dinah, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 22:58:18
> Of course, I'm not a perfect parent myself. Someone was posting about their mother always sleeping or having a headache, and I was ashamed to recognize myself in that.
Goodness! No shame should be anywhere close to your needs, Dinah. You're a big part of the engine that keeps your family engine going, even when things are not smooth.
I think that you've identified something that you can recognize in yourself, Perhaps? That only by addressing those immediate needs are you able to be present and engaging in the other parts. Enough time for yourself - to sleep and rest - and there's more Dinah to go around for everyone else.OK, what's my cut on the fee??
Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2005, at 7:29:28
In reply to Re: Being my own therapist » Dinah, posted by partlycloudy on July 23, 2005, at 23:32:19
Chuckle. :)
I guess I'm just afraid of how *much* of those things I need. Sigh. I slept off and on all day again yesterday when I should have been working.
When I was working, I was too scattered to stay with a task more than a few minutes.
I'm constantly laid up with a headache, or IBS, or from eating too much sugar, or sometimes just by being depressed.
It makes me less than a great employee, less than a great mother. I know it's not actually my fault per se. But I also know that it makes me less than ideal in either of those roles.
Provigil worked for a while, but it's not working so much anymore. I wonder if the neurologist could up the doseage. With an adequate doseage of that, a mood stabilizer (blush), migraine medication, and good ole Immodium, I might be able to keep marginally functional.
Geesh. My father was right about forty.
Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2005, at 7:53:57
In reply to Re: Being my own therapist » partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on July 24, 2005, at 7:29:28
Hmmmm...
Maybe he would tell me that if my husband felt more confident in my ability to uphold my share of the responsibility, his behavior would change.
Well, he wouldn't tell me that. But maybe he'd think that.
Biofeedback guy would tell me that.
Posted by fairywings on July 24, 2005, at 9:12:08
In reply to Being my own therapist, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 22:43:27
> But now I've figured that much out, I'm stuck. What would my therapist tell me next?I think that's awesome that you were able to figure out as much as you did Dinah. I don't think I could have done that. I don't know what anyone would ask you next. Of course, it depends on the therapist! LOL You know mine wouldn't be as nice as yours, and yours might be more firm with you than another T.
As far as the IBS, sleeping, etc.... I agree, you have a lot going on, feeling shame is normal for us moms, but we sure shouldn't. And I hope you have gotten beyond that a bit, at least for this situation.
IBS - I used to really suffer from that a lot, esp. when I ate too much sugar. I went to a gynourologist, and he told me to take two Fibercon w/8 oz. water. Two of them, up to 3 times per day, as needed, and of course immodium as needed. But taking the Fibercon, over a matter of time got the IBS under control, to the point where I don't have to take it much anymore, and don't have attacks anymore. I'd say I have attacks maybe twice a year, where I used to have them almost every day. I also tried to cut back on sugar, or at least not eat any sugar until afternoon or evening. Most of my attacks were in the morning.
I hope you're feeling better and hope you figure out the next question, so you can get to the answer.
FW/Jazzy
Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2005, at 9:44:23
In reply to Re: Being my own therapist » Dinah, posted by fairywings on July 24, 2005, at 9:12:08
Thanks for the info! My internist a few internists back recommended metamucil, but I can't say I was charmed by the idea. It sounds like Fibercon is a pill? I'll be near a pharmacy today and I'll look for it.
Sugar has an effect as well? I'd tied it to roughage and fats, but not sugar. I'll have to give that some thought. (Oh and nerves, definitely nerves.)
I like the new name, by the way.
Posted by antigua on July 24, 2005, at 11:28:05
In reply to Re: Being my own therapist » Dinah, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 22:58:18
Posted by fallsfall on July 24, 2005, at 11:41:18
In reply to Being my own therapist, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 22:43:27
> But I asked myself the questions my therapist would have asked me, and I think I came to the conclusion that as my son grows stronger and is less affected by it, I'm not able to hide behind his feelings and be indignant on his behalf. So I'm starting to have to acknowledge how irritated it makes *me*. Therefore it's actually bothering me more, though it should bother me less since it isn't hurting my son as much.
>
> But now I've figured that much out, I'm stuck. What would my therapist tell me next?*** To be indignant on your own behalf you would have to see that you are worthy. That you deserve a husband who treats you better. You are able to fight for changes on your son's behalf because you think he is worthy. You are worthy, too.
You are quick to own your part of the issue, and excuse his. Can you move to a place where you can own your part of the issue, but ask him to own his part, as well?
Posted by gardenergirl on July 24, 2005, at 13:02:35
In reply to Being my own therapist, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 22:43:27
>Therefore it's actually bothering me more, though it should bother me less since it isn't hurting my son as much.
>
> But now I've figured that much out, I'm stuck. What would my therapist tell me next?My T would say feel the feelings and talk about them. Express them somehow, not necessarily to your husband, but maybe to him.
Good insights. Although I tend to get the "insight/schminsight" feeling quite often, too. The "so now what"? feeling.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2005, at 18:56:46
In reply to Re: Being my own therapist » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on July 24, 2005, at 13:02:35
And see if he asks me the same questions I thought he would. Then I'll tell him the answers, and see what he says next.
Not that this means I don't need him just as much.
He said something kinda nice the other day when I was wailing that I didn't need him because I knew what he was going to say and I could have the whole conversation in my head.
He said "Maybe so. But maybe you need to hear it from *me*."
:)
Posted by fallsfall on July 24, 2005, at 19:09:23
In reply to I think I'll tell him, posted by Dinah on July 24, 2005, at 18:56:46
Posted by fairywings on July 24, 2005, at 22:50:59
In reply to I think I'll tell him, posted by Dinah on July 24, 2005, at 18:56:46
> He said "Maybe so. But maybe you need to hear it from *me*."
>
> :)Awww! That's so sweet, and you know what? I think he hit the nail on the head, didn't he? Sounds like he's been really good for you all these years. We should all be so lucky!
FW
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.