Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kerria on July 17, 2005, at 20:09:11
Someone called today - a little while ago and asked for my alter. i have no idea who he is at all. Just when i'm having so much trouble with my T now i want to call him because this is happening. It's so upsetting and nerve wracking. What can i do? Does anything like this happen to anyone here? How do you get control?
i have no idea of anything happening. This comes at a bad time because i was going to stop seeing T and find a new T. Now things could be bad again - i don't know what's going on. Please help- need support. It's so confusing . i'm so worried.
kerria
Posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 1:02:23
In reply to Someone called my cell and asked for my alter, posted by kerria on July 17, 2005, at 20:09:11
I don't quite know what to say, other than of course that would be confusing and upsetting. I wish you felt able to call your T, but I realize there needs to be a feeling of safety there.
((((kerria))))
gg
Posted by kerria on July 18, 2005, at 7:01:46
In reply to Re: Someone called my cell and asked for my alter » kerria, posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 1:02:23
(((Gardenergirl)))
i don't know if i have an appt or not. i emailed T when i was upset after therapy last Thursday that i wasn't able to come to therapy anymore until i had more support. T just ignored, so i don't know if the appt is on or not. i guess i have to call. It's such a bad situation and i wish T would make things easier for me. It's so negative. i hate to go. Last week T said that i'm so separated because either i'm doing things now- hiding them from myself or not facing past and now i'm scared that it might be true. It's so awful because T is so negative about things i can't help and it hurts so much. i wish i had a T that was easier to talk to, especially now:(
everything's so hard.
Now i'm trying to go to work.Thanks- Gardenergirl- for writing.
Posted by cricket on July 18, 2005, at 11:15:58
In reply to Someone called my cell and asked for my alter, posted by kerria on July 17, 2005, at 20:09:11
I used to have this a lot when I was younger. It's really scary. My greatest fear has always been that an alter has done something terrible.
I have fairly good communication amongst my parts so that helps me now.
I still do have a great deal of trouble recognizing people and I respond inappropriately to people.
Kerria, I hear all your pain and I am so sorry. Call your T. Please go and see him and tell him you want an referral. Tell him that he is not helping you. Please.
Post later. Let me know that you're okay.
Posted by kerria on July 19, 2005, at 0:00:40
In reply to Re: Someone called my cell (trigger) » kerria, posted by cricket on July 18, 2005, at 11:15:58
(((Cricket))) Thank you for being so nice to me.
i didn't call T. i dread everything. It was easier to try to forget all day than call T. i went to work and it was 110 degrees from about 10am- 2:30pm when i left with a terrible headache and went to bed. i just got up now to take more medicine.
Communication is so hard for me. It feels like i can't do it because i need more RL support. i didn't call T- i'm worried about things but i don't want to. He left me in a bad place last week and so many times and it feels so negative to go there.
Tomorrow i have medical appts- a checkup with internist because of chronic pain that i've been in for two years. i'm seeing a dr that i used to go to a long time ago- i haven't seen her for about six years and then an appt with the pain management dr. That's scary also because i'm worried about the cause of my pain- worried about treatment and the idea that they will think that it's psychological. i'm in so much trouble.
i'll email T and call him in the morning. i wish that he'd be more on my side instead of being always so against me. i'm really doing the best i can to communicate. It's so hard to want to 'ask inside'. i wish T could think of a way to help meee or at least be understanding - knowing that i'm struggling and need encouragement not condemnation.
Therapy is hard for you, too- maybe it's always difficult. Cricket- i hope it gets better for you, too. Don't feel that you have to help me- just having someone to talk to is so comforting. Don't worry about me- somehow things work out- parts get it done and we survive.
i have to get back to bed- headache is getting bad again.
take care,
kerria
Posted by alexandra_k on July 19, 2005, at 1:19:18
In reply to Someone called my cell and asked for my alter, posted by kerria on July 17, 2005, at 20:09:11
hey. i get calls too. and txt's. and have strange people in my phone directory. i tried deleting them once. the next day all of mine were deleted. i don't mess with their stuff anymore. but i don't like it. and i worry a bit about what they are up to sometimes. sometimes more than others.
do you journal at all?
some people find that helps. they can write messages to you in your journal. maybe tell you a little of what is going on. so you don't have to be so afraid of them anymore.
i don't know.
i hope you manage to sort things out with your t.
Posted by cricket on July 19, 2005, at 6:44:39
In reply to Re: Someone called my cell (trigger), posted by kerria on July 19, 2005, at 0:00:40
I'm glad you're okay and that posting with me brings some comfort.
Good luck with all the doctors.
>Parts get it done and somehow we survive
Yeah, that's exactly the way it is with me. I'm an expert at surviving. It's living that I don't have a clue about.
Posted by kerria on July 19, 2005, at 22:55:10
In reply to Re: Someone called my cell and asked for my alter, posted by alexandra_k on July 19, 2005, at 1:19:18
Hi Alexandra,
i'm sorry that it happens to you, too. It upsets me so much to have parts or think about communicating. T wanted to ask her for me because i can't ask inside. i said no but T ended up asking her later when she came out and she said who. i was shocked like always. i can't get used to having parts. we all fight not to communicate. T gets angry. He says 'communicate - just about daily things' but it's so hard, i don't want to.
i'm not trying to give T a hard time on purpose- i just can't make myself do it. i don't know why- i just hate having parts- i only want to think of one at a time. Always. You know?
Take care,
kerria
Posted by kerria on July 19, 2005, at 23:22:22
In reply to Re: Someone called my cell (trigger) » kerria, posted by cricket on July 19, 2005, at 6:44:39
> I'm glad you're okay and that posting with me brings some comfort.
>
> Good luck with all the doctors.
>
> >Parts get it done and somehow we survive
>
> Yeah, that's exactly the way it is with me. I'm an expert at surviving. It's living that I don't have a clue about.:) It went ok with drs. i was in so much pain bc i didn't take morning meds. The secretary said that i needed a fasting blood test- i didn't.
The pain management dr was partly nice and is going to try a caudal block instead of the riskier and harder to have gastric bundle block. i'm relieved a little now but will freak later.
At least that appt is over ....
Thanks so much for thinking of me.
Take care,
kerria
Posted by alexandra_k on July 20, 2005, at 0:19:36
In reply to Re: Someone called my cell and asked for my alter, posted by kerria on July 19, 2005, at 22:55:10
I think I'm a bit different because I first became aware of them as voices that would talk to me. I can ask them kind of by 'thinking thoughts their way' and if they are around and listening then they hear me. But sometimes they aren't around or they are talking to someone else or something.
I've heard other people say that they found communication scairy too. I am scaired of asking them about what they get up to. Sometimes I think I'm better off not knowing...
I think most people start with journalling. Write down questions you might have. Any sort of question. And check it to see whether they start to do the same.
You might find that you have friends in there :-)
Posted by cricket on July 20, 2005, at 10:43:03
In reply to Re: Someone called my cell and asked for my alter » kerria, posted by alexandra_k on July 20, 2005, at 0:19:36
I am similar to Alex. I hear mine as voices as well. In fact, that's what I've always called them - "voices".
Mostly they make their thoughts and issues known to me without a problem. But if I don't hear from one for a couple of days I will check in and try to draw them out because it's usually a sign that something is brewing. Writing has worked for me too. I think that's a good idea.
Posted by kerria on July 21, 2005, at 17:10:02
In reply to Re: Someone called my cell and asked for my alter, posted by cricket on July 20, 2005, at 10:43:03
Thanks Alexandra and Cricket.
Journaling is so hard - asking inside is the last thing i want to do. i don't know why it's so hard.
On the appt with T on Tuesday there was a final agreement- realization really- that it's a life and death struggle about it and i'm doing so badly. My life is falling apart literally because of not communicating inside. It's ruining my life and hurting my family.
i can't be stubborn and selfish any more.
T said he would get a workbook on communication and we agreed to work on it. It's been a five year battle up until now with T about it.The only thing now is that i've had a terrible terrible migraine since the appt on Tuesday. i couldn't lift my head even all day yesterday- i lost the day at work and busy - poinsettia delivery time. Today i made it in for two hours but am so sick i had to leave. The nausea is so bad. i hope and pray that it's over soon. Nothing helps. Last month i almost died after one of the medicines(Reglan) given at the hospital ER made my heart irregular and race so badly.
So i missed appt with T today:(
It feels so helpless- i feel so helpless to get better sometimes- like it's not in my hands. That's why i need to give power of it over and let T help me communicate. It's so hard though- i'm afraid what will happen but i'm suffering too much not to.communicating has been impossible for so long- we live one part at a time and many of my parts take over everyday to work, communicate with all my family, other interests.
It makes so much trouble not to communicate just practical information. It's so limiting.
thanks so much for writing,
kerria
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