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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jen Star on July 21, 2005, at 15:54:34
hi all,
I was just re-reading some of the posts here and reflecting on human nature, motivations, and changes. It struck me that many people here, including me, often WANT to make changes, but seem stuck in the same routine.For example, I wanted to branch out and try something new career-wise. I kept talking about it, and talking about it, and talking about it. I would tell my husband: "I think I'm going to do XYZ." I would tell my mom, my friends, "I'm planning on XYZ." But I would never actually DO it. I kept talking about how much I wanted it, all the good reasons for trying it, how much I'd gain by doing it...but I somehow didn't DO it. One time my mom got frustrated with me and cut me off with a "OK. Sweetie, you need to actually get out there and get started. We're all waiting for you to just do it!"
What is it about us -- people? Women? Everyone? -- that makes us hesitate and delay before doing something we are really dying to do? Or maybe never do it at all?
I've noticed my family & friends do it, too. We talk and talk about doing something, but then we take forever to actually do it. My dad, for example, wanted to write a resume and apply for a new job, too. He said he was going to do it, and I know he WANTED to leave his company. But he never did it. He told me many things: He was tired in the evenings. He didn't know the right resume format. All his dates and details were buried in boxes that he couldn't find in the basement. Blah, Blah, Blah. Every time I offered to help ("I'll search the basement. I'm good at formatting and writing; I'll help you") he came up with more excuses. If he really WANTED to write the resume, he could have done it in an hour! And it seemed that part of him genuinely DID want to write it, and apply. Part of him was eager to do it. But some other, stronger part kept holding him back.
Is it a fear of change? Time constraints? Reluctance to leave a routine that feels safe and known? Actually a defensive mechanism that makes us really think things through and be SURE we want them before we leap?
I keep feeling that if I only moved faster, I'd be further ahead in my career and my life. It makes me feel vaguely guilty.
Does anyone feel the same way?
just wondering about stuff...
JenStar
Posted by pinkeye on July 21, 2005, at 16:03:26
In reply to how many times?, posted by Jen Star on July 21, 2005, at 15:54:34
I have felt the same many times - that only if I had the courage to have done it lot earlier, I would have been in much better shape. But sometimes I have felt the other way around - that I ended up doing things too quickly - grew up too soon, came to US too soon (I came by myself when I was barely 22), got good jobs too soon, married too soon without waiting to see if it worked out well.. etc.
So you really can't say.. you just have to try to trust your gut feeling I guess.
Posted by Dinah on July 21, 2005, at 22:05:11
In reply to how many times?, posted by Jen Star on July 21, 2005, at 15:54:34
I always figure it's because when you take a step on a ladder, you have to let go momentarily of the rung you're on to swing up to the next one. You can't move or grow without giving up the safety of where you are. It's especially scary if you're not altogether sure what where you'll end up will look like.
Some of us may clamber up fearlessly. But I suspect that many of us may think that it isn't quite worth the risk.
Posted by B2chica on July 22, 2005, at 9:23:36
In reply to too many times » Jen Star, posted by Dinah on July 21, 2005, at 22:05:11
excellent analogy!.
b2c.> I always figure it's because when you take a step on a ladder, you have to let go momentarily of the rung you're on to swing up to the next one. You can't move or grow without giving up the safety of where you are. It's especially scary if you're not altogether sure what where you'll end up will look like.
>
> Some of us may clamber up fearlessly. But I suspect that many of us may think that it isn't quite worth the risk.
Posted by AuntieMel on July 22, 2005, at 11:11:26
In reply to how many times?, posted by Jen Star on July 21, 2005, at 15:54:34
Inertia might have a lot to do with it, too. But I think most of it is fear of the unknown.
I took night classes for years, but never would have quit my job to go full time. Finally I got laid off and it happened. But I probably wouldn't have quit on my own.
Hubby had a job he loved, but the company he worked for was bought by a huge corporation. He was making a significant amount of money there, but was miserable in the process. He wanted to start his own company, but was afraid to give up the good income.
Finally I said "You're miserable and you're making everyone around you miserable. This is the perfect time to quit because there are others who want to join you. And besides happiness is worth more than money." He did it, but without the push he probably wouldn't have. Money is tighter, but we're all happier.
It's so common. Fear of the unknown.
This is the end of the thread.
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