Posted by Jen Star on July 21, 2005, at 15:54:34
hi all,
I was just re-reading some of the posts here and reflecting on human nature, motivations, and changes. It struck me that many people here, including me, often WANT to make changes, but seem stuck in the same routine.For example, I wanted to branch out and try something new career-wise. I kept talking about it, and talking about it, and talking about it. I would tell my husband: "I think I'm going to do XYZ." I would tell my mom, my friends, "I'm planning on XYZ." But I would never actually DO it. I kept talking about how much I wanted it, all the good reasons for trying it, how much I'd gain by doing it...but I somehow didn't DO it. One time my mom got frustrated with me and cut me off with a "OK. Sweetie, you need to actually get out there and get started. We're all waiting for you to just do it!"
What is it about us -- people? Women? Everyone? -- that makes us hesitate and delay before doing something we are really dying to do? Or maybe never do it at all?
I've noticed my family & friends do it, too. We talk and talk about doing something, but then we take forever to actually do it. My dad, for example, wanted to write a resume and apply for a new job, too. He said he was going to do it, and I know he WANTED to leave his company. But he never did it. He told me many things: He was tired in the evenings. He didn't know the right resume format. All his dates and details were buried in boxes that he couldn't find in the basement. Blah, Blah, Blah. Every time I offered to help ("I'll search the basement. I'm good at formatting and writing; I'll help you") he came up with more excuses. If he really WANTED to write the resume, he could have done it in an hour! And it seemed that part of him genuinely DID want to write it, and apply. Part of him was eager to do it. But some other, stronger part kept holding him back.
Is it a fear of change? Time constraints? Reluctance to leave a routine that feels safe and known? Actually a defensive mechanism that makes us really think things through and be SURE we want them before we leap?
I keep feeling that if I only moved faster, I'd be further ahead in my career and my life. It makes me feel vaguely guilty.
Does anyone feel the same way?
just wondering about stuff...
JenStar
poster:Jen Star
thread:531008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/531008.html