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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kerria on July 10, 2005, at 21:15:55
Tonight we went to church and someone i work with was sitting in front of me. i couldn't understand where i knew her from- i thought that she was in a place we just came home from and we saw her on vacation. i couldn't introduce her to my h because i didn't and still don't remember her name. How can this happen. ? How can i be so separate . ?
We've been away from church for a while but it doesn't seem like we were away at all, i can't understand that i've been away from church. Everything is so hard to understand.
The person that works is so far from the person that goes to church. It's IMPOSSIBLE that i could be both. Everything is so hard. i wish there were someone who could understand and help. it always feels like there is no one that can help. Tears
Posted by gardenergirl on July 10, 2005, at 21:40:41
In reply to i'm so separated:( everything's a terrible mess, posted by kerria on July 10, 2005, at 21:15:55
Oh sweetie,
I wish I knew how to help. And my understanding only comes from the things that you and others with similar struggles share. I would imagine it would be so very confusing and disorienting.Is there anything that you rely on for calming and grounding? For me it's my garden. Just being among living things with beauty helps me feel more balanced and secure at times.
Sending you safe hugs and wishes for peace.
gg
Posted by daisym on July 11, 2005, at 0:09:25
In reply to i'm so separated:( everything's a terrible mess, posted by kerria on July 10, 2005, at 21:15:55
You aren't alone. There are people who can help. I don't know if you are seeing a therapist but if you aren't, please consider finding one who specializes in MPD. Even if you have a mild form, you need to work with someone who can listen to all the parts and help you connect yourself together.
It sounds really rough, to have these gaps. I hope you find a way to bridge things so you aren't so freaked out. I know how weird it can be to feel so completely different in one situation from another.
Take care,
Daisy
Posted by cricket on July 11, 2005, at 10:23:41
In reply to i'm so separated:( everything's a terrible mess, posted by kerria on July 10, 2005, at 21:15:55
Kerria,
On Friday, I went to the gym and someone from my job was there but my part that works is not the same part that goes to the gym. I did recognize the woman after a few minutes but then in order to respond to her hello at all (which I'm sure I did horribly) I had to call up the part that works which really pissed off the part that goes to the gym. I wound up leaving the gym in tears and then nobody was happy. What a mess!
So Kerria I can definitely understand. Not sure I can help but please continue to post and we can at least share.
Posted by Shortelise on July 11, 2005, at 12:07:43
In reply to i'm so separated:( everything's a terrible mess, posted by kerria on July 10, 2005, at 21:15:55
((kerria))
Can you take heart from the fact that you are aware? These fragments, you see them, right?
It must be so hard, and I so feel for you.
One of the things I say to myself when I get frightened that I'll never feel better is simply, "things are getting better". It helps me.
Thinking of you.
ShortE
Posted by kerria on July 12, 2005, at 10:41:54
In reply to Re: i'm so separated:( everything's a terrible mess » kerria, posted by Shortelise on July 11, 2005, at 12:07:43
Thank you Gardenergirl, Daisym, Cricket and Shortelise.
Today i have appt with T. It's so hard to have worlds collide like that. i want to keep everything separate but it doesn't work out that way. The separateness is upsetting but i need it. Like everything else it seems like- i want what is bad for me but i can't help it. Then i'll be angry with T for trying to help bridge the separateness. It's so hard to think about how to do that - i just switch and forget about it.i'm sorry. it feels like i don't deserve help or sympathy because i keep living like this- it's too hard to change.
Thank you so much for being there.
kerria
Posted by Susan47 on July 15, 2005, at 21:08:15
In reply to Re: i'm so separated:( everything's a terrible mess, posted by kerria on July 12, 2005, at 10:41:54
You're definitely not alone in these kinds of experiences. Thank you for posting this, because it just makes me realize and understand that the way I am.. well, you put into words what I experience too, but never understood. Wow. Maybe I'm not alone in this, either? I used to feel like an idiot, a mental moron, when this happened to me. Spent years feeling that way, that exact sort of experience, what you're describing, seeing someone at a party, working with them five days abloomin' week, and forgetting their name. I could never, Never, remember or put a name to a face. In twenty years there were times I didn't even know who the boss was, the Big Cheese. My level of awareness existed in some pretty strange places.. I didn't know that till just now, that things are a bit better than they used to be. That's a pretty hopeful sign, I hope. Keep posting, please ...
Posted by Susan47 on July 15, 2005, at 21:10:54
In reply to Re: i'm so separated:( everything's a terrible mess » kerria, posted by Susan47 on July 15, 2005, at 21:08:15
Something just occurred to me, I used to do a lot of drugs during one year of my life.. then again, lately. But I'm wondering whether that very first year I'd done a lot more damage to the functioning of my brain than I'd ever before realized. Because it's hard to remember, when you've forgotten. Jeez, that's so frightening... maybe I've willingly contributed to my downfall, my own downfall.
This is the end of the thread.
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