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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 11:05:03
Hi all,
Lately in therapy I've been feeling very regressed at times. I want to stamp my foot and pout and cry and say "it's not fair!" In fact I do say, "It's not fair." But I know that life is not fair, and I know that's coming from a younger part of me.My T tends to acknowledge the regression, but also point out the adult behaviors and options, etc. I am getting the sense he thinks allowing the regressed part out is not so great? I don't know. He's not criticizing, but what he's emphasizing is not the regressed part. Is he afraid I'll dive into being three and not come back?
Any thoughts, experiences, comments?
gg
Posted by cricket on July 15, 2005, at 12:33:49
In reply to Feeling/being regressed...experiences?, posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 11:05:03
> My T tends to acknowledge the regression, but also point out the adult behaviors and options, etc. I am getting the sense he thinks allowing the regressed part out is not so great? I don't know. He's not criticizing, but what he's emphasizing is not the regressed part. Is he afraid I'll dive into being three and not come back?
>
> Any thoughts, experiences, comments?
>
> gg
Perhaps it's different with DID. But my therapist is really quite the opposite. Even when I am talking as an adult, he will tell me to let the younger parts out more. He says, "How can they stand to be stuck at your job all day long? Do you realize what tough lives they have?"I'm not sure who he thinks is paying his bill :)
Posted by alexandra_k on July 15, 2005, at 12:48:46
In reply to Feeling/being regressed...experiences?, posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 11:05:03
I guess it is hard because you have to weigh up that part of you feeling heard versus not encouraging it too much.
I mean, the feelings and thoughts there are important. To be able to acknowledge and accept that you do feel and think that way sometimes.
But then... Part of you does know better than to go around and around with that way of thinking / feeling too much. And part of you knows better than to act from them.
So I guess that means that there has to be a balance there somewhere.
I'm not sure that its about him being afraid that you will dive back there and not come back. Maybe it is more that he is concerned that it won't do you very much good to get stuck back there for a while.
But that being said it is important for you to feel heard. And I'm wondering whether maybe you don't feel that he is hearing that side of you. If that is why you get the impression he is afraid of it.
I know I'm afraid of it. I get afraid I'll get stuck there. I really don't think it is possible though (in my more rational moments). I do see that it is possible for me to get stuck there for a time though, and that that wouldn't be terribly helpful to me.
Posted by Daisym on July 15, 2005, at 13:01:31
In reply to Feeling/being regressed...experiences?, posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 11:05:03
GG,
I've written extensively about my experience with this and how mind-blowing I find it to *feel* exactly like I'm 6 or 9 or 12. My therapist encourages me to let myself talk from these ages but I think part of that is really encouraging "letting go" and not editing myself as much. I have wondered if the regression doesn't make the separation anxiety more painful.
When I started therapy, I remember saying to him that I wanted to figure out how to lower my stress levels but I didn't think "finding my inner goddess or releasing my inner child" was going to work for me. At that time he said, "I don't do much 'Inner Child' work" meaning he didn't suggest things like playing in puddles or flying kites. But I've never forgotten that he said that, as we work with these different, frozen age states.
I have to wonder if your need to do things perfectly isn't coming into play here. I know for me that feeling so young and speaking in this way, with those wants and needs, feels "wrong." If it feels the same for you, are you projecting an expectation of disapproval? I think you should bring this up and talk about it. You are most likely reading it right, I think many therapists expect a certain amount of regression but focus on the adult coping skills and choices.
All that said, it does feel really strange, doesn't it? I can so relate to the wanting to stomp your foot and wail. Being a grown up stinks.
Posted by crushedout on July 15, 2005, at 13:42:38
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by Daisym on July 15, 2005, at 13:01:31
> Being a grown up stinks.You can say that again.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 15, 2005, at 13:54:16
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on July 15, 2005, at 12:48:46
Okay, this is only a little bit related, but I thought I'd post it just in case it helps...
I have been reading a lot about feminist psychotherapy lately, and I came across this thought and it really spoke to me. In the US we always talk so much about equality and justice and it leads one to believe that everything is set up to be fair. But in reality it is not. There are terrible injustices in life: some people are born poor, born to parents who can't really handle being parents, born into stigmatized groups, etc. When we don't acknowledge these injustices, we are left feeling like we are crazy for feeling upset, angry, afraid, etc. In fact we are not crazy, we are reacting to something real.
So, I guess I'm saying that protesting that things "aren't fair" might be more than the regressed part of you...it might be a part of all of you. And, regardless, I think it is very important to express it.
Hope that this makes some sense. If not, feel free to ask questions and I'll try to clarify what I am saying!
Best,
EE
Posted by Shortelise on July 15, 2005, at 15:56:36
In reply to Feeling/being regressed...experiences?, posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 11:05:03
Aren't there points in therapy where we have to let go of the regressd bits and grow up? I mean, we regress, we understand what that's all about, re-feel the things as we felt them when they happened to us, look at those feelings from an adult prespective, and then, if all goes well, we need to leave that regression behind and live in the today world of our adulthood.
It's comforting to me to have that "inner child" listened to, heard, sympathized with and loved. I want to livein that place where I am held emotionally by my T. But that's not that point. For me, the point is to have re-experienced parts od my emotional development in a supportive, caring relationship instead of the umcomprehending one I experienced as I grew up. The fact that I want to stay there, that I want to always have that place where I can be that understood child, well, I guess it isn't in these well laid plans of therapy.
Now, of course, you see that I am projecting all over the place here, knowing that I really need to talk with my T about this, because I an sort of stuck here, but very ashamed. Why I feel ashamed about needing to be emotionally cossetted, who knows.
Now I'll read what others have written.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2005, at 17:34:03
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by cricket on July 15, 2005, at 12:33:49
> I'm not sure who he thinks is paying his bill :)
lol. I remind my therapist of that from time to time. :)
Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2005, at 17:35:48
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences?, posted by Dinah on July 15, 2005, at 17:34:03
Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2005, at 17:41:52
In reply to Feeling/being regressed...experiences?, posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 11:05:03
You mean grownups don't stomp their dainty digits when they get distressed?
Blush.
When I dropped my dog's medicine, the one that I needed to go to the pharmacy to get, and my mother called on my cell phone and I was trying to tell her what was going on, I got frustrated, stomped my gunboat, and told her never mind. Right at the vets.
I can't tell you the number of times I've stomped my foot in therapy. But then again, I acknowledge my regression. And my therapist knows the fastest way to a big fight is for him to mention grownups at such a time.
Altogether, I started feeling a whole lot better when I allowed myself to be real, and regressed perhaps, in therapy. Isn't it fair to say "Yeah, yeah. I know how I'm supposed to feel, and can say it with the best of them. But isn't this the one place where I'm allowed to say what I really feel without making sure it's reasonable first? And stomp my feet if that'll help me explain?"
Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2005, at 17:44:25
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by Shortelise on July 15, 2005, at 15:56:36
I would think that was only true if your "inner child" actually grew up. If there was still part of you that felt that way, but you didn't feel free to acknowledge it because that wasn't the proper grownup thing to do... Well, isn't that what brought us to therapy to begin with? Denying what was real and being who we were supposed to be?
Wouldn't really successful therapy allow you to continue to acknowledge those very real feelings, and comfort your own inner child?
Posted by fallsfall on July 15, 2005, at 22:01:46
In reply to Feeling/being regressed...experiences?, posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 11:05:03
I think you should ask him...
Posted by Poet on July 16, 2005, at 11:38:13
In reply to Feeling/being regressed...experiences?, posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 11:05:03
Hi gg,
My younger parts come out in therapy, too. My T says that's okay. They have things to say and she wants to hear them.
I don't think my T feels I will dive into being one of my inner children and not come out. She told me that regression happens and I am doing nothing wrong in feeling it. She would like to hear more from those parts of me. I am stuck in adult career failure mode. Maybe your T thinks that you need to work on adult you, more than inner child you? Not that he's afraid you will dive into being three and not come out, but that there are things happening now that you need to work on? Just a thought.
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 13:54:04
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by cricket on July 15, 2005, at 12:33:49
Oh my, that's funny about the bills part.
Yeah, I think treatment for DID probably approaches it differently.
Take care,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 13:56:38
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on July 15, 2005, at 12:48:46
I think that is what is getting to me. I DO know I can't function from that state in everyday life. I guess it feels almost insulting that he doesn't just go with what's there in the moment.
But then I tend to hear everything as criticism, so I am sure I'm twisting this issue, too.
sigh
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 13:58:03
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by Daisym on July 15, 2005, at 13:01:31
Oh my...I didn't think of the wanting to do therapy "just right" part. Ugh. I think you might have something there.
Stamps foot....
:)
Thanks for the insight!
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 13:59:20
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » Daisym, posted by crushedout on July 15, 2005, at 13:42:38
>
> > Being a grown up stinks.
>
> You can say that again.Being a grown up stinks.
:)
But...you can buy shoes with credit cards all by yourself.
;)
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 14:01:33
In reply to Not fair, posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 15, 2005, at 13:54:16
Interesting...I have always felt about five when I say "it's not fair." And I sometimes say to my clients, "Life is not fair," as a way to challenge maladaptive beliefs. But you bring up a good point about how this persists in our culture.
Thanks,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 14:04:50
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by Shortelise on July 15, 2005, at 15:56:36
Wow, you really describe that caring, wonderful feeling of being emotionally held, no matter what you are feeling or saying, very very well.
It is such a lovely and fulfilling feeling. I am finding myself thinking about it between sessions and looking for ways to find it in others. Of course, as you said, it can never be like it is in therapy.
I hope you and your T are continuing to move forward in processing your termination feelings. I imagine it's very very difficult.
((((shortE)))
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 14:10:21
In reply to Ummm... wait, posted by Dinah on July 15, 2005, at 17:41:52
>
> Altogether, I started feeling a whole lot better when I allowed myself to be real, and regressed perhaps, in therapy. Isn't it fair to say "Yeah, yeah. I know how I'm supposed to feel, and can say it with the best of them. But isn't this the one place where I'm allowed to say what I really feel without making sure it's reasonable first? And stomp my feet if that'll help me explain?"Amen, sister! I absolutely agree, and actually, it was the first screaming banshee mode that seems to have triggered me feeling better by being more authentic. Frightening to myself. But authentic.
:)
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 14:11:09
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on July 15, 2005, at 22:01:46
> I think you should ask him...
Grins...I knew you'd say that! And you are right, of course.gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 18, 2005, at 14:13:33
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by Poet on July 16, 2005, at 11:38:13
Hmmmm, good points. Actually, I know in a signficant relationship I tend to take or be placed in a "one down" role. The other person can be very paternalistic. So hanging around feeling from younger hurts may not be conducive to dealing with that relationship.
And also, I wonder if he is just trying to help me be less negative by pointing out my mature and less defended strengths? Because I can get very negative at times about myself.
Anyone else ever do that? ;)
gg
Posted by LittleGirlLost on July 18, 2005, at 14:19:50
In reply to Feeling/being regressed...experiences?, posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 11:05:03
I feel regressed alot of the time and my T knows it. I'm afraid to let it speak though, although I know my T wants to hear it, and has even asked to talk to her.
Is that what you mean?
lgl
Posted by daisym on July 24, 2005, at 0:37:04
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences? » gardenergirl, posted by Poet on July 16, 2005, at 11:38:13
Just curious...did you ask about this? I know you've been sick and had to skip a session. But it sounds pretty important. I hope you follow up.
Feel better soon,
Daisy
Posted by gardenergirl on July 24, 2005, at 12:41:32
In reply to Re: Feeling/being regressed...experiences?GG, posted by daisym on July 24, 2005, at 0:37:04
Thanks for asking. I did sort of ask, but I couched it in another topic...feeling criticized by him even if I know he isn't being critical. I do wonder if he recognized me hiding it among other stuff. Probably did, he's pretty savvy. Heck, he even had an explanation for that odd squeak sound I made when crying/coughing recently. He said it was an attempt on my part to suppress some intense emotion I wasn't ready to express yet.
But at any rate, we talked more about how pervasive my ability to take something as criticism is. I can't really remember exactly what he said about regression, but I do remember feeling good after the session. :)
I'm such a wimp. I just can't ask directly. But I'm working on it, IRL and in therapy.
gg
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