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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by messadivoce on July 12, 2005, at 0:05:14
I'm sinking again. I can feel it coming on. It's just getting dark. How long will it last this time?
I have no immediate reason to feel like this. But I can't get a foothold.
My ex T would be so disappointed in me. I've reverted. He spent all that time with me and now it's like it never happened.
And he's not here now. He'll never be here again.
I need to go back to therapy. I have to. And yet when I think about it my heart and kidneys and liver and whatever else is down there just sinks.
I'm reaching.
There's nothing there.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 0:26:45
In reply to Sinking, posted by messadivoce on July 12, 2005, at 0:05:14
> My ex T would be so disappointed in me. I've reverted. He spent all that time with me and now it's like it never happened.
Oh no. I firmly believe that there isn't anysuch thing as going backwards. Its just a little hitch on the path fowards. A sideways tangent and it will only be apparant later that you were still progressing.
> And he's not here now. He'll never be here again.:-(
I'm sorry.
> I need to go back to therapy. I have to. And yet when I think about it my heart and kidneys and liver and whatever else is down there just sinks.Why?
The bad times do come back. Its horrid. But they do. But they will last less time and they will be further apart. And they will be less intense. Now is the time to remember back to what your t would say to you right now. What would he say to help you through this? Because when you come out the other side then you will have learned that you can pull yourself through it.:-)
That being said...
There isn't any harm in getting another therapist too...
Posted by Dinah on July 12, 2005, at 3:31:51
In reply to Sinking, posted by messadivoce on July 12, 2005, at 0:05:14
I think it would be fair enough to tell any potential therapist how hurt you've been by losing therapists. And make sure they have no immediate plans to move or leave in any way for a year or so.
But I know that's not really long enough to ask for.
I wish I could afford to buy instead of rent. It's scary to put so much reliance on someone. :(
Sometimes I can identify a reason, sometimes I think I just assign a reason to the ups and downs of my mood. If life is perpetually stressful, it doesn't take an immediate stressor for it to pile up. Therapy can be quite good as a pressure valve.
Was your old therapist CBT? Did he teach you ways to think or techniques to stay calm and relaxed? If so, would it help you to mentally go over them?
Hold on through the hard times, and seek whatever help you would find useful - therapy, medications, meditation.
((((Voce))))
Posted by rubenstein on July 12, 2005, at 9:28:48
In reply to Sinking, posted by messadivoce on July 12, 2005, at 0:05:14
Messa
I know what that feels like. Yout ex-T wouldn't be disapointed in you. It happens sometimes for reasons that we can't figure out. You will find your way out of the hole again. I know you are a singer, so for a while let the music guide you. Let that part of your soul sing some of your sorrows away.
A fellow singer
rachel
Posted by pinkeye on July 12, 2005, at 16:08:44
In reply to Sinking, posted by messadivoce on July 12, 2005, at 0:05:14
Maybe go back to a female T? I remember your female T leaving you was much easier for you to take than your male T.
I find the same thing aobut my female T also.. it is much easier to leave her. And I have a warm and comfortable relationship with her.. not too attached, but quite good. And it doesn't hurt badly to leave her as well.
Posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2005, at 23:10:03
In reply to Sinking, posted by messadivoce on July 12, 2005, at 0:05:14
>>I'm reaching.
There's nothing there.Well, I know what you meant, I think, but there's *something* there.
Someone there. Us. We are definitely here.Sorry you're feeling that dread and slippping...I so get that. In fact, I wish I'd had your words earlier today to use to explain to my T. some of the sensations I'm having.
Confusion. Unease. Worry about....what?
I can't grasp any reason, yet it keeps creeping up on me and I just want to sit and stare at a wall and ruminate and accomplish nothing.
Apathy. Yuk :-(But I digress....this is about YOU.
I wonder if this bit of depression and feeling like you're quite unsteady is connected to your fear about the new job next week? Perhaps too simplistic, but I often find the most obvious thing IS the thing. Like a Homer Simpson *DOH*!! moment.....
Depression and anxiety are often intertwined so we can't tell them apart much. So I wonder if maybe
you're so tired from worries and self-doubt about the job, it's *morphed* into other emotions?Your ex-T would NOT be disappointed. I know because you have shared plenty enough for me to know how smart, wise and sensitive he could be. Meaning he would see it just like Alex wrote - way clearer than I can - as just a slight swerve...think how many times I've had those here, and so many others....you're allowed, you know.
It's quite totally human to relapse a little around upheavals in life. Your life has had, and is still having, plenty of those since graduation. Don't discount that. Let yourself feel how hard and new a lot of it all is. It's okay.
I believe some of us, with our oh-so-amazingly wonderful, yet delicate brains, respond to those upheavals in life sort of - farther along to one end or the other on the emotional scale than just anyone does. It's just the way we are. So we don't do as well with stress, change, loss and all that.Then, in a way, maybe we end up doing better when it's all said and done, what with Babble friends, good T's and our own constant introspection. Just hard to see it when you're in the grip of those feelings that scare you...
But we do keep learning, bit by tiny bit, which stuff helps each of us the best.
You're still learning.
I'm still learning (arghhhh - at MY age!)You are going to do great and these feelings will pass. They have before, and they will again - remember that, 'kay? Hugs from me.
(PS - I owe you a Babblemail or two. I will get right on that tomorrow - I swear! ;-)
Posted by messadivoce on July 13, 2005, at 1:36:42
In reply to Re: Sinking » messadivoce, posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2005, at 23:10:03
are wonderful!!
I can't respond to everyone right now, but thank you all so much.
Right now it just seems like there is no way out of this. Like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how much money I make, or how many times I cry over the phone to my best friend, or how much I journal, or how many yoga poses I twist myself into. It just seems like there is no comfort to be found anywhere.
Posted by daisym on July 13, 2005, at 23:20:31
In reply to You guys......, posted by messadivoce on July 13, 2005, at 1:36:42
I guess all I can offer is that time will ease things again and you will begin to find comfort in your life. I do understand that dark feeling of "this will last forever" but you already know that it won't. It didn't last time you felt this way, it won't this time.
Until then, I hope you can find some small things that will distract you or at least make you tired so you can sleep.
Hang in there.
Hugs from me.
Daisy
This is the end of the thread.
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