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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by thuso on July 7, 2005, at 23:18:41
How many sessions until it's pretty obvious the relationship isn't going to work?
The first T I had I went 9 months with. I plateaued pretty quickly, but I stuck it out just to see if I would get past it. I didn't and couldn't afford to keep going, so I stopped. I just never got to feeling comfortable with her, so I stalled after a few months.
I just started up again with someone else. We've now had 12 sessions, but I think we're right were I was with the last T. I'm just not feeling comfortable and I'm at another plateau (at least I think so). She wants to stick it out, but I don't want to go another 9 months to come to the same conclusion as the last time. I personally think 12 sessions is plenty to determine if a person feels comfortable. When I first brought up the subject of not feeling comfortable and thinking of stopping, I told her that I would give it until the end of July. We’ve got two more times together. Boy, is she trying hard to make this work. :-)
You guys are experienced...this sounds reasonable, right?
I've tried two female T's with different personalities and neither has made me feel comfortable. I'm thinking my next try should be with a guy T. But then again, I may never feel comfortable with anyone. hahaha!
Posted by LadyBug on July 8, 2005, at 0:44:02
In reply to When is it time to leave?, posted by thuso on July 7, 2005, at 23:18:41
I think you should follow your gut. If it tells you things aren't working with this T. then it probably won't get any better. I wouldn't want to waste the money either. Sometimes I think they try to keep us around to add to their pocket book. If they lost all their patient's, they'd have no income. Just my opinion. Of course you have to do what you fell is right for you. It doesn't matter what she thinks, it's your therapy, your time and your money.
Good luck
LadyBug
Posted by annierose on July 8, 2005, at 6:30:50
In reply to When is it time to leave?, posted by thuso on July 7, 2005, at 23:18:41
I think you need to focus your attention to why you feel uncomfortable. You do not mention that you think they are not competent.
Do you have troubles with long term relationships in real life? Not knowing you, or your circumstances, sometimes it's worth exploring why you feel you are "plateauing". What does that mean? All relationships go through different phases of intensity and focus, including therapy.
I've been with my current T for 18 months. We may go through a few weeks where I feel I'm stalled, and I don't know what to talk about. But we always wind up back on track.
Maybe you are resisting talking about something.
These are just some ideas to ponder while you make your decision whether your therapist is not working out for you.
Good luck
Posted by GreySkyEyes on July 8, 2005, at 12:23:33
In reply to When is it time to leave?, posted by thuso on July 7, 2005, at 23:18:41
I have a theory... please forgive me if I offend you, that's not my intent. But you stated in a post above that you were given a diagnosis (official or otherwise) of AS and that you've always suspected you had it. Well, speaking from experience with my brother (who is AS), one of the attributes of AS is not connecting with people in a conventional sense. So maybe you aren't connecting with the Ts because they are working with you in that conventional mode. Perhaps a T who specializes in treating those on the autistic spectrum? Someone who might have a different approach to forging a connection?
Posted by thuso on July 8, 2005, at 16:53:59
In reply to Re: When is it time to leave?, posted by annierose on July 8, 2005, at 6:30:50
> I think you need to focus your attention to why you feel uncomfortable. You do not mention that you think they are not competent.
>
> Do you have troubles with long term relationships in real life? Not knowing you, or your circumstances, sometimes it's worth exploring why you feel you are "plateauing". What does that mean? All relationships go through different phases of intensity and focus, including therapy.
>
> I've been with my current T for 18 months. We may go through a few weeks where I feel I'm stalled, and I don't know what to talk about. But we always wind up back on track.
>
> Maybe you are resisting talking about something.
>
> These are just some ideas to ponder while you make your decision whether your therapist is not working out for you.
>
> Good luckI know why I feel uncomfortable...I don't trust them. Neither of them were incompetent as far as I know. But then again, I didn't exactly give them much to screw up with. ;-) Unfortunately, this hasn't been an up and down experience with either of them. I just seem to get to a certain point and then stop. My certain point just takes months to get to and happens to be what most people are able to discuss in their first session. I just don't feel that comfort or trust them to go beyond where I'm at. I'm just wondering if I'm not trusting them because they are female T's. In real life, I tend to trust guys and get along with them better then girls. There may also be other issues that I'm going to mention in my reply to GreySkyEyes.
Posted by thuso on July 8, 2005, at 17:15:05
In reply to Re: When is it time to leave?, posted by GreySkyEyes on July 8, 2005, at 12:23:33
> I have a theory... please forgive me if I offend you, that's not my intent. But you stated in a post above that you were given a diagnosis (official or otherwise) of AS and that you've always suspected you had it. Well, speaking from experience with my brother (who is AS), one of the attributes of AS is not connecting with people in a conventional sense. So maybe you aren't connecting with the Ts because they are working with you in that conventional mode. Perhaps a T who specializes in treating those on the autistic spectrum? Someone who might have a different approach to forging a connection?
>I've thought about your theory also. I can connect to people, but not really in the way you would probalby connect. There isn't the emotional connection that most people have. There is also the trust issue, which I've been reading is very common in AS. My theory is that there a few different issues that are keeping me from connecting. The funny thing is...I won't be able to change that without help which would require me to connect and trust with someone. The whole catch-22. haha!
Anyways, the person I'm with now doesn't like putting labels on people, so doesn't really address anything regarding the issues of AS. Plus, she knows absolutely nothing about it. She just treats me like she would any other client. I've recently been thinking about trying to find someone who is at least familiar with AS, but there are so few of them it may be hard.
But I think I'm learning that the talking therapy approach just doesn't work for me. I don't know enough about the other psych theories, so I'm not sure what might work. I just want to make sure that I've given this T enough of a chance before stopping.
This is the end of the thread.
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