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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on July 7, 2005, at 19:47:57
since i told her about thinking it was not working. not surprisingly, it's really working now. but it's overwhelming.
today i told her where i went for a vacation with my family over the holiday and she told me that's where she's going in a couple weeks for *her* vacation. it brought up a lot of feelings for me. i've hyperconsciously avoided knowing anything about her life -- and she asked me afterwards if she shouldn't have told me that. but i think it was good that she did because it gave us an opportunity to talk about what was scary/exciting about knowing stuff about her. i started crying several times -- i was overwhelmed with emotion. and it led us to talk about what i yearned for: basically, a "mommy" which for me represents a lot of mixed up stuff. and we talked about some of those things.
i guess what's good and different about this than it was with my last t is that we're moving slowly and talking about stuff as it happens -- how it feels, what's at stake, etc. i'm not just letting myself fall into something which then gets out of my control.
although i did feel that heavy depression of attachment i used to feel with my old t, when i was coming home from work today. it's very scary. i miss her (the new t) and i don't usually think about her. knowing stuff about her and sharing that intimate stuff really makes me feel close to her, and when i feel close like that, i want more from her. i want to be closer. it's addictive. i guess i need to tell her all this next time i see her. i hope it will help and not just make things worse.
thanks for listening.
Posted by crushedout on July 7, 2005, at 20:53:58
In reply to therapy has been really intense, posted by crushedout on July 7, 2005, at 19:47:57
me why i feel so sad?
Posted by happyflower on July 7, 2005, at 21:51:11
In reply to can someone please tell, posted by crushedout on July 7, 2005, at 20:53:58
I think sometime we want to be a part of our T's personal life when they tell us personal information about themselves. Sometimes I wish I didn't know anything about my T, I think the attachment would not so hurtful, but then again if I didn't form an attachment, maybe I wouldn't of made so much progess. Therapy is confusing to me sometimes.
Posted by crushedout on July 7, 2005, at 21:54:47
In reply to Re: can someone please tell, posted by happyflower on July 7, 2005, at 21:51:11
i completely agree with everything you said.
Posted by fallsfall on July 7, 2005, at 22:07:39
In reply to can someone please tell, posted by crushedout on July 7, 2005, at 20:53:58
Sometimes I feel sad because I like what I have with my therapist so much, and it reminds me of what I missed when I was a kid.
I'm glad you are working this all through with her. Good for you!
Posted by crushedout on July 7, 2005, at 22:12:35
In reply to Re: can someone please tell » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on July 7, 2005, at 22:07:39
> Sometimes I feel sad because I like what I have with my therapist so much, and it reminds me of what I missed when I was a kid.
that makes sense.
> I'm glad you are working this all through with her. Good for you!
thanks. i'm glad too.
Posted by pinkeye on July 7, 2005, at 22:42:39
In reply to maybe you realizing what you are missing in life (nm) » crushedout, posted by pinkeye on July 7, 2005, at 22:42:01
Posted by daisym on July 7, 2005, at 23:45:51
In reply to can someone please tell, posted by crushedout on July 7, 2005, at 20:53:58
I think the sadness is loneliness. And I think the ache is the sadness of lost opportunities for hugs, the wish that someone would notice that you are hurting and know how to comfort you.
I think after all you've been through, you have every reason to be scared of your growing attachment. Therapy is supposed to teach us that it is OK to trust. I don't think that was the lesson you learned. So it will be painful to open that old wound and clean it out so that it can heal. But it sounds like you found someone up to the task. Take it slow and easy and be kind to yourself. There are good things about attachments too. Try not to forget those.
Posted by All Done on July 8, 2005, at 1:26:14
In reply to therapy has been really intense, posted by crushedout on July 7, 2005, at 19:47:57
(((crushed))),
Sorry you're feeling sad :(.
Are you feeling a loss of not being able to have a relationship outside of therapy with her? Not necessarily literally, but...well, sometimes when I fantasize about my T's "real" life, I start to feel sad or disappointed or something. I wonder if this is because my fantasy is everything I would want for myself in life or in a relationship (with my mom, dad, husband, whoever) - the perfect life or relationship. Unfortunately, the perfect life just isn't going to happen. So, I get sad when I think about what I haven't had, don't have, or will never have.
The good side to all of this is that I'm effectively telling myself what I want. Once I talk to my T about the fantasies, he helps me to figure out what I'm "really" longing for and then, I can determine which longings are most important (and attainable) and which ones I will never have (and let the grieveing process begin). In the end, I will know what changes would make me happier, and I will come to accept what I can't change. (I hope, I hope.)
Does this rambling make any sense? Sorry if it's all just me projecting.
I hope you feel better soon.
Take care,
Laurie
Posted by crushedout on July 8, 2005, at 10:10:14
In reply to Re: therapy has been really intense » crushedout, posted by All Done on July 8, 2005, at 1:26:14
you're making tons of sense, and i also hope that what you say can be done. that we can figure out what it is we can have and learn to grieve (get over????) the things we can't. sometimes i think it's impossible.
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