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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by PM80 on June 29, 2005, at 14:50:15
Does anyone find that when your meds are working supposedly just how they are supposed to that you don't know if you like the feeling? How do you deal with it? Is it really better?
My dx is bipolar II. I used to have panic attacks, but that was pretty much an isolated sypmtom and I am not generally bothered by unprovoked anxiety.
Now that I'm on meds and they are working, it feels weird. OK, one good thing I like is that I no longer have racing thoughts. I used to have some derealization, and that has gotten much better (whether from therapy or drugs i don't know). I'm not apathetic or dull-witted, but somehow my brain feels a little empty. I kinda miss the intensity of my previous emotional states. A few nights ago I drank a lot after missing a few recent doses here and there (I don't normally miss a dose) and I got really depressed - like I used to. The feeling is like a desperate raging hurt deep inside and it felt so much more real than almost all of the feelings that I feel while I'm on meds. A feeling where the fact that life is so futile and the knowledge of my own mortality weighs so heavily that I am literally left curled up in a ball gasping for breath. Like looking into a bottomless black hole and knowing that regardless of your wishes you will be forced into it eventually. It is so incredibly, excruciatingly, painfully real. The next day, I felt normal but realized that I sorta miss what I considered the feeling of brushing up against reality. My highs are also not like they used to be. I can get excited about something, but it don't buzz like I used to. I got an unexpected raise at work and I was definitely happy, but I didn't start talking extra fast or have that i'm queen-of-the-world feeling.
Is this what is supposed to be?
Posted by Jazzed on June 29, 2005, at 21:42:51
In reply to not sure whether to post here or med board but..., posted by PM80 on June 29, 2005, at 14:50:15
I don't know if that's the way it's supposed to be, but I would hate the low feeling you described, it sounds so utterly desparate. I do know that when I started taking my meds I didn't stay up half the night thinking about stuff, and I missed that. I've done it for as long as I remember, and it was weird not to have that time alone with my thoughts.
I'd talk to your doc about it, but sounds like, for the most part, things are good when you get all of your doses.
Jazzy
Posted by kerria on June 29, 2005, at 23:33:17
In reply to not sure whether to post here or med board but..., posted by PM80 on June 29, 2005, at 14:50:15
Hi PM80,
yes, i think that is what supposed to be if you can adjust to being 'normal'. i had the same trouble with Klonopin once. i couldn't take it because it stopped my ability to switch. When i went into the door at work nothing happened. The switching didn't take place- i didn't feel the flooding of the work part when i came into the door and i didn't know where anything was or what to do there. Klonopin was working to stop switching but i need to switch in order to work and do other things that are important so i stopped taking Klonopin because it worked too well. Instead i take diazapam if things get too upsetting and it helps a little but doesn't change things that much.
PM80, you may be able to adjust. It's a tradeoff.
i can definately understand a little what you mean. i think that i would miss the intensity, too but be happy for the good effects. You just have to decide what fits with your life.BTW it's nice to meet you:)
Take care,
kerria
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