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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on June 17, 2005, at 13:36:47
I feel asleep on the couch for a few hours last night and I dreamed that I drove to the bridge and jumped off. I drove there purposefully and I was very scared but very determined. I didn't scream when I jumped, I just sort of gasped. But instead of falling, I grew wings and flew upwards. I remember being worried that my wings would get wet and not work if I went into a cloud or fog bank. There was a sense of freedom and peace in flying around, like I was leaving everything behind me.
I told my therapist about the dream. He asked me what I thought it meant. I said that I thought it meant that there was a release in death, a new start. He said he felt it was more positive than that because I didn't die. I never hit, I grew new wings and flew (a new skill) and gained a sense of freedom from that. He wondered if through all the pain something new was going to emerge and my unconscious was trying to show me that. He said it sounded like the beginnings of hope.
I wonder what you guys think? And don't worry if you agree with me, I'm not going to take that as evidence that you can find peace through death.
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 13:43:38
In reply to Old dream, new ending (trigger warning), posted by daisym on June 17, 2005, at 13:36:47
> . I never hit, I grew new wings and flew (a new skill) and gained a sense of freedom from that. He wondered if through all the pain something new was going to emerge and my unconscious was trying to show me that. He said it sounded like the beginnings of hope.
>
YES YES! I agree with your T a lot! I think you are in a turning point in life. This dream gives me shivers up my spine. There is a saying that the darkest hour is right before dawn( a new begining). I am so proud of you! Your T is awesome!
Posted by antigua on June 17, 2005, at 14:02:25
In reply to Old dream, new ending (trigger warning), posted by daisym on June 17, 2005, at 13:36:47
Wow, that's great! I agree with your T. You've sprouted your own wings! You aren't borrowing his wings (but they are there if you need them), you've found your own. I hope you see how wonderful that could be. I don't see it as death at all.
I wanted to respond to your thread above but wasn't quite sure what to say. I think it's great that you expressed your anger at your T. You held it together while your father was here and even though you had suicidal feelings, you still expressed the anger, you didn't stuff it down, and you didn't hurt yourself.
But I saw something else there, too, which makes even more sense to me now that you told us about the dream. When I have been at my lowest and have reached out to my T, she has been there. She has given me her strength when I've needed it. I've gone through the motions she has told me to when I've felt most weak, like a child who needs to be guided.
But, I've taken in her strength when I've needed it and made it my own, with its own peculiarities. It works for me. I've internalized her, yes, but it is mine to keep forever. I still need her, of course, but somehow it is all so different.
You've made a huge step, Daisy. But why does it feel so bad? I wish I knew.
You are making such huge progress. I admit, I'm jealous.. not in a bad way, of course.
It's a beautiful day. Come on over. I'm going to make a carrt cake, if I don't eat all the icing first.
best,
antigua
Posted by Aphrodite on June 17, 2005, at 18:09:31
In reply to Old dream, new ending (trigger warning), posted by daisym on June 17, 2005, at 13:36:47
I'm not much of a dream person nor do I try remember them. I probably should -- I'm sure I'm missing out on some insight. However, I've always taken the fact that I would dream for granted. But I was struck by the fact that you are dreaming again. If I remember correctly, didn't the meds stop you from dreaming? I think we're on the same meds, and I stopped dreaming too. I'm glad that has returned for you.
I've often found it sadly ironic that the very medication designed to prevent the nightmares also takes away the dreams.
Posted by Jazzed on June 17, 2005, at 20:39:57
In reply to Old dream, new ending (trigger warning), posted by daisym on June 17, 2005, at 13:36:47
I would go with what your T says, he felt so positive about the dream and what it meant. I hope you're at a turning point, and that some very positive things will start happening for you.
Jazzy
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 18, 2005, at 9:50:49
In reply to Re: Old dream, new ending (trigger warning) » daisym, posted by Aphrodite on June 17, 2005, at 18:09:31
>
> I've often found it sadly ironic that the very medication designed to prevent the nightmares also takes away the dreams.Wow. I was just so struck by this statement. What a perfect way to sum it up. It is true on so many levels. My meds also take away my (sleeping) dreams but I worry that maybe they take away my hopes and dreams too. It is hard to know though b/c I not going to stop taking them for fear that the nightmare that is depression will worsen.
EE
P.S. I agree with the T's interpretation of the dream--how hopeful!
Posted by Tamar on June 18, 2005, at 12:07:45
In reply to Old dream, new ending (trigger warning), posted by daisym on June 17, 2005, at 13:36:47
> I feel asleep on the couch for a few hours last night and I dreamed that I drove to the bridge and jumped off. I drove there purposefully and I was very scared but very determined. I didn't scream when I jumped, I just sort of gasped. But instead of falling, I grew wings and flew upwards. I remember being worried that my wings would get wet and not work if I went into a cloud or fog bank. There was a sense of freedom and peace in flying around, like I was leaving everything behind me.
>
> I told my therapist about the dream. He asked me what I thought it meant. I said that I thought it meant that there was a release in death, a new start. He said he felt it was more positive than that because I didn't die. I never hit, I grew new wings and flew (a new skill) and gained a sense of freedom from that. He wondered if through all the pain something new was going to emerge and my unconscious was trying to show me that. He said it sounded like the beginnings of hope.
>
> I wonder what you guys think? And don't worry if you agree with me, I'm not going to take that as evidence that you can find peace through death.If this is a dream you’ve had before but with a new ending, then I think it’s a very positive sign. I’ve read that changing the ending of a recurring dream is an indication that you have found the resources to tackle things that are worrying you.
My interpretation of your dream would accord with your therapist’s. In your dream you were determined to jump off the bridge in order to die, and yet at the last minute you found a way of not dying. Growing wings released you from the inevitability of suicide. You were worried about how you would cope with this new way of being: you were worried that your wings were fragile or easily damaged by the clouds. Perhaps the threat of the wetness in the clouds echoes the water in the river into which you intended to jump (if the bridge was over a river). If so, the fear of suicide is not entirely driven away by the wings. The clouds and fog also might represent a difficulty in seeing clearly, but not an insurmountable problem because you were able to keep flying. Your wings weren’t damaged and you found a sense of freedom. Perhaps you are beginning to find ways to transcend the pain, and although there are still threats and fears you have the resources to cope with them.
Posted by Shortelise on June 18, 2005, at 12:58:07
In reply to Old dream, new ending (trigger warning), posted by daisym on June 17, 2005, at 13:36:47
I feel so glad for you having read this dream.
For me, death is always about new beginnings in dreams.
That you grew wings instead of falling, to me that means that you found a new way, a new solution. ANd in that new way, there was peace and freedom. That you were anxious about how your wings would work, wondered if they'd let you down, well, that's a little insecurity about doping things differently.
Instead of killing myself, I will fly. Instead of dying, I will find peace by doing things differently.
Daisy, I think that's a beautiful, meaningful dream. I think it means you are emerging, like a butterfly from a cocoon.
There is hope!
ShortE
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