Posted by antigua on June 17, 2005, at 14:02:25
In reply to Old dream, new ending (trigger warning), posted by daisym on June 17, 2005, at 13:36:47
Wow, that's great! I agree with your T. You've sprouted your own wings! You aren't borrowing his wings (but they are there if you need them), you've found your own. I hope you see how wonderful that could be. I don't see it as death at all.
I wanted to respond to your thread above but wasn't quite sure what to say. I think it's great that you expressed your anger at your T. You held it together while your father was here and even though you had suicidal feelings, you still expressed the anger, you didn't stuff it down, and you didn't hurt yourself.
But I saw something else there, too, which makes even more sense to me now that you told us about the dream. When I have been at my lowest and have reached out to my T, she has been there. She has given me her strength when I've needed it. I've gone through the motions she has told me to when I've felt most weak, like a child who needs to be guided.
But, I've taken in her strength when I've needed it and made it my own, with its own peculiarities. It works for me. I've internalized her, yes, but it is mine to keep forever. I still need her, of course, but somehow it is all so different.
You've made a huge step, Daisy. But why does it feel so bad? I wish I knew.
You are making such huge progress. I admit, I'm jealous.. not in a bad way, of course.
It's a beautiful day. Come on over. I'm going to make a carrt cake, if I don't eat all the icing first.
best,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:514349
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/514358.html