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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 13:53:34
And, dang it! It's hard to do that!
This week, though, I was Very Brave. I brought up how I felt about the whole Cognitive Thing, that it was too close to how I distanced myself from my emotions, that it led to the whole slippery slope to further restrictive eating, etc. Her response was to tell me that, in that case, I was "not doing it right, because if you were doing it right, it would work."
At that moment, I just felt about two inches tall -- and six feet wide -- and ashamed. It took a couple of hours for me to recognize what I finally did recognize: I didn't feel as though she had heard what I said. My nutritional counselor also pointed out to me that the T was placing all the blame on me -- I "was doing it wrong." At any rate, I decided to follow my gut.
Of course, being me, I didn't have any faith in my decision until I called GardenerGirl to make sure it was OK! *g* Thank Goodness for GG!
Anyway, I called yesterday and left a voicemail for the now-ex-T telling her that this wasn't working for me. Cancelling any more appointments I might have had. I expect she'll call to "discuss" this, but my mind is made up and I think I can handle it.
I've also called a T who specializes in EDs, and she "passed" the telephone interview, and we made an appointment for Monday to see if we can sit in the same room together. When I brought up the cognitive thing, she said that, in her twenty-some years working with EDs, she has found that most of us need what I told her I thought I needed -- to learn to recognize our emotions, and tolerate them. NOT to "change" them through cognitive corrections.
I am cautiously optimistic...
Posted by Dinah on May 28, 2005, at 14:03:24
In reply to I fired my new T -- made appt with new new T..., posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 13:53:34
I had bad vibes about the cognitive behavior one. She sounded too rigid.
The new one sounds like she's got more experience and insight. Not that I have an eating disorder, unless you count eating to 200 pounds as a disorder.
Posted by Shortelise on May 28, 2005, at 14:36:15
In reply to I fired my new T -- made appt with new new T..., posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 13:53:34
Racer, that's wonderful. I am so impressed you can see so clearly.
Hugs
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on May 28, 2005, at 16:11:34
In reply to I fired my new T -- made appt with new new T..., posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 13:53:34
Well done, Racer! It takes a lot of courage to challenge someone's professional opinion, especially from the 'couch'. But I can really imagine that cognitive therapy isn't ideal for an ED. And I think it's a total cop-out for her to tell you it's your fault it's not working.
I hope your potential new T turns out to be everything you need and hope for.
Tamar
Posted by fallsfall on May 28, 2005, at 16:37:55
In reply to I fired my new T -- made appt with new new T..., posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 13:53:34
Excellent. You sound very grounded.
Posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 18:10:51
In reply to Good for you! » Racer, posted by Dinah on May 28, 2005, at 14:03:24
Despite what your doctor may tell you, you aren't overweight. You just aren't quite tall enough...
Thank you. All of you.
I still don't quite trust myself -- even though I know that it's really just the whole perfectionistic thing going on... I should be working harder, I should just, you know, pull myself up by my own bootstraps...
Posted by alexandra_k on May 28, 2005, at 19:22:33
In reply to I fired my new T -- made appt with new new T..., posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 13:53:34
> Her response was to tell me that, in that case, I was "not doing it right, because if you were doing it right, it would work."
Oh that cracks me up!!!!!
HAHAHA!!!!!
What is so very funny about it is that the CBT theorists are typically highly critical of insight oriented therapy for the following reason:
How can you tell whether someone has insight?
If they have insight then they change their behaviour...
If they do not have insight then they do not change their behaviour...The thought here is that 'insight' is just so much bollocks and one is best to forget about it.
But here she is saying
How do you know someone is doing cog. restructuring properly?
Because they change their behaviour.
How do you know someone is not doing cog. restructuring properly?
Becuase they are not changing their behaviour.By the same argument:
One would be best off forgetting about cog. restructuring..HAHAHA
I do so love it when it comes back to bite them on the *ss!!
Sorry.
My issues.I know how hard it can be where you wonder whether something must be wrong with you - or whether they acutually aren't making a hell of a lot of sense.
((Racer))
I think your responses were about spot on.
Good luck with your new new t.
:-)
Posted by daisym on May 28, 2005, at 19:55:19
In reply to I fired my new T -- made appt with new new T..., posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 13:53:34
Racer,
I'm sure it was *really* hard! I'm sure you are a little shakey and wondering if this was really wise, etc. etc. You did a good thing! I think all your worry has been getting in the way of working on stuff so it makes total sense to make this change.
Any therapist who doesn't take on at least 1/2 the responsibility for the therapy isn't doing a good job. It reminds me of talking louder and slower to someone who doesn't speak your language. Like if you say the same thing over and over again they will finally get it. *sigh*
I already like the new one. I hope she is as good in person. Let us know how it goes.
((((Racer)))))
Posted by JenStar on May 28, 2005, at 20:13:16
In reply to I fired my new T -- made appt with new new T..., posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 13:53:34
Racer,
you ARE very brave! Good for you! I'm so glad that you stuck up for yourself and will find a T that is a better match.I hope the apptmt next week turns out to be very good & useful, and that you like this potential new T.
You're so cool!
JenStar
Posted by gardenergirl on May 28, 2005, at 22:11:05
In reply to Re: I fired my new T -- made appt with new new T..., posted by JenStar on May 28, 2005, at 20:13:16
Although I always cringe a bit when I say that, thanks to my narcissistic parents.
But I am. Good for you!
gg
Posted by Jazzed on May 29, 2005, at 10:06:41
In reply to I fired my new T -- made appt with new new T..., posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 13:53:34
> And, dang it! It's hard to do that!
>
> This week, though, I was Very Brave. I brought up how I felt about the whole Cognitive Thing, that it was too close to how I distanced myself from my emotions, that it led to the whole slippery slope to further restrictive eating, etc. Her response was to tell me that, in that case, I was "not doing it right, because if you were doing it right, it would work."
>
> At that moment, I just felt about two inches tall -- and six feet wide -- and ashamed. It took a couple of hours for me to recognize what I finally did recognize: I didn't feel as though she had heard what I said. My nutritional counselor also pointed out to me that the T was placing all the blame on me -- I "was doing it wrong." At any rate, I decided to follow my gut.
>
> Of course, being me, I didn't have any faith in my decision until I called GardenerGirl to make sure it was OK! *g* Thank Goodness for GG!
>
> Anyway, I called yesterday and left a voicemail for the now-ex-T telling her that this wasn't working for me. Cancelling any more appointments I might have had. I expect she'll call to "discuss" this, but my mind is made up and I think I can handle it.
>
> I've also called a T who specializes in EDs, and she "passed" the telephone interview, and we made an appointment for Monday to see if we can sit in the same room together. When I brought up the cognitive thing, she said that, in her twenty-some years working with EDs, she has found that most of us need what I told her I thought I needed -- to learn to recognize our emotions, and tolerate them. NOT to "change" them through cognitive corrections.
>
> I am cautiously optimistic...Good for you! Stick to your guns if the ex does call! I hope you tell her that placing the blame on you doens't help you heal. She certainly doesn't sound like a very good T. I would've fired her too! I wish you the best of luck with the new one, and let us know how it goes and what your impressions are!
Jazzed
Posted by Jazzed on May 29, 2005, at 10:10:26
In reply to Good for you! » Racer, posted by Dinah on May 28, 2005, at 14:03:24
> I had bad vibes about the cognitive behavior one. She sounded too rigid.
>
> The new one sounds like she's got more experience and insight. Not that I have an eating disorder, unless you count eating to 200 pounds as a disorder.
Weeeeelllll, actually Dinah, I know I don't really have to tell you that eating to 200 pounds might very well be an ED. When we eat to medicate, which I do also, it's a disoder, just as much as someone who restricts their eating to maintain control. I've been at both ends. In high school I exercised and restricted my food intake because every other area of my life was so controlled by others. Now I have a tendency to eat when bored, frustrated, mad, etc. I'm trying to get over that now, and it's not easy.Jazzed
Posted by Dinah on May 29, 2005, at 10:18:26
In reply to Re: To Dinah Re: ED » Dinah, posted by Jazzed on May 29, 2005, at 10:10:26
I definitely do that. I wouldn't say I do it to the point of it being an ED, for the very reason that I don't want to minimize the importance of eating disorders.
My therapist for some reason never focuses on that behavior, or on my compulsive overspending. My most cynical assumption has to do with the fact that his weight varies widely, not infrequently into what appears to be the same body mass index area that mine is, he admits he eats for self soothing, and to judge from his appearance, he rather likes to spend himself. :)
Posted by Jazzed on May 29, 2005, at 17:54:34
In reply to Re: To Dinah Re: ED » Jazzed, posted by Dinah on May 29, 2005, at 10:18:26
> I definitely do that. I wouldn't say I do it to the point of it being an ED, for the very reason that I don't want to minimize the importance of eating disorders.
>
I know mine is an ED. Food has often been more of a drug than any drug I've ever taken. I hope that won't be the case when I get things worked out with meds. It was even hard to admit that eating is embarrassing to me, esp. in light of the fact that I exercise a lot, and am still overweight. It's not a pretty disorder is it?
Posted by partlycloudy on May 31, 2005, at 6:19:02
In reply to Thanks, all -- and » Dinah, posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 18:10:51
I think this was a great thing for you to do. I hope your new T passes the test of being able to listen to you!
(And it appears that I am driving yet another therapist to close her practice. Mine is overworked and overstressed, as was my last one.) On the plus side, she and I did not make another appointment as I seem to be doing well and am getting good support from the women's group I joined.
Posted by littleone on May 31, 2005, at 15:51:32
In reply to I fired my new T -- made appt with new new T..., posted by Racer on May 28, 2005, at 13:53:34
That took so much courage. I'm glad you could stand up and do what's best for you.
I like the term new new T. Makes her sound extra shiny and special :)
This is the end of the thread.
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