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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on May 31, 2005, at 10:02:53
My therapist I'd seen for over a year closed her practice last December because she felt stressed and overworked. She gave me a week's notice when this happened. Now I get to read her advice column in the local newspaper every Sunday. Her advice is invariably, "get professional help" LOL.
So I found another therapist with whom I've been working well. She has a really heavy casesload as she is on call every other weekend at a hospital's ER for psych consults, plus she sees patients privately (like me).
Last month she became quite ill with pneumonia. She's still coughing and wheezing and is talking about closing her practice. We did not schedule another appointment after I saw her last week as I am doing so "well".
I don't feel well. i feel repeatedly abandoned. No wonder I don't form any attachments to my therapists. They bail out on me because they are burned out.
At this point I fail the see the value of therapy for me. At my last appointment my T said I was going in a great direction - I left my stressful job, and I'm working with a local women's support group for my alcoholism. My depression and anxiety have not abated, but my anxiety is not situational - I can go out and function in social situations and realize where my limitations and boundaries lie. if anything, this therapist and the one before expressed admiration for the strides I've taken.
So - it's OK for me to be depressed and anxious, then?? Just keep taking pills as prescribed and don't drink. My melancholy is persistent, though I haven't cried for several days. I'm in a horrible temper, though, and royally pissed at my therapist, who now I realize, specializes in treating those in crisis, and perhaps was never interested in ongoing long term treatment.
I don't want to go through finding another therapist and having this happen all over again.
I feel pretty lost right now.
Posted by Racer on May 31, 2005, at 13:14:57
In reply to don't know what to make of this., posted by partlycloudy on May 31, 2005, at 10:02:53
I used to say that I was a carrier for marriage: every time I broke up with a long term boyfriend, he'd turn around and marry someone else within months! Meanwhile, I never showed symptoms myself, no matter how much I wanted to...
(Of course, now that I'm married, it's obvious that it was just a latent infection...)
You must feel as though you're a carrier for practice closure, huh?
Two bits of reality for you:
1. This isn't necessarily something that's going to happen again, and it takes a while to find a therapist who is really a good fit. Get out there and interview a dozen therapists, until you find The Right One (For Now). Think of it as a temporary job, a transition from working to recovering.
2. You will always feel less well than others see you as being, because you have so much more going for you than most people. You have great insight into yourself and your situation. You are highly intelligent. You carry yourself well, and I suspect are very well versed in hiding how you're really feeling. If you've only been seeing this therapist since December, she doesn't know you well enough to see the hurt below the surface yet. She's also probably much more used to seeing people who are in crisis, with far fewer resources than you have. That contrast will also make you look a great deal better than you feel.
PC, sweetheart, I do hope that you will try again. You know my history, and yet I'm still trying. Wanna try together?
Even if you don't, you have my warmest wishes for you to recover from this quickly, and to heal without a scar.
Posted by antigua on May 31, 2005, at 15:55:36
In reply to don't know what to make of this., posted by partlycloudy on May 31, 2005, at 10:02:53
Do you think there might be a pattern here? or is it just coincidental? Yes, You are doing great, but you may not be finished yet. In my experience, quitting drinking made my therapy go twice as fast and it was a lot harder to deal w/. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, please--don't set yourself up to fail.
Maybe you should go T shopping w/Racer.
antigua
Posted by messadivoce on May 31, 2005, at 16:18:01
In reply to don't know what to make of this., posted by partlycloudy on May 31, 2005, at 10:02:53
PC, I'm sorry. Believe me, the thought of finding what would be for me, T #4, makes me cringe and want to crawl under the bed.
Unfortunately, we as clients have to take care of ourselves, and our T's can't always do it the way we wish they would.
I'm sorry your previous T's couldn't do that for you. It sucks, doesn't it, to need that stability and have it just not be there.
I hope that you will take care of yourself, and that if it means finding another T, then so be it.
Those were the last words I got from my T, "Take good care of yourself." I don't want to do that sometimes, because it's hard, but I know it's good advice.
Posted by Jazzed on May 31, 2005, at 16:33:16
In reply to don't know what to make of this., posted by partlycloudy on May 31, 2005, at 10:02:53
I am so sorry! This is terrible, and I can see how you'd feel abandoned and angry. I think I'd write her a letter and tell her that while you understand her stress level, given her choice to work so much, that doesn't excuse the fact that she's abandoning people who relied on her and continue to need therapy. I'd also mention that she is the 2nd T to just up and quit, and you'd like a referral to a T with staying power. Of course, this is my gut reaction. She wouldn't take it so well I'm sure, given that it's pretty tactless. Maybe temper it with your good common sense and more tact.
I think it's a huge cop-out for her to quit and not refer you to someone, and it's unfair for her to just assume you're okay with all of this without actually working through this with you. I mean, after all, she would have to know that you were abandoned once before, right?
I hope you can find someone who can go the long haul next time. I'd even tell them about this and ask if it's likely that they'll be leaving practice, moving, or anything else which will leave you high and dry.
Jazzed
Posted by partlycloudy on May 31, 2005, at 17:00:39
In reply to Re: don't know what to make of this. » partlycloudy, posted by Jazzed on May 31, 2005, at 16:33:16
I can't figure out why I have delayed reactions like this - maybe it's because I'm back home and feel safe to express myself. I saw my therapist last Thursday and it's only now that I am allowing myself to truly feel upset. And because it's not "real time" I feel frustrated on top of hurt.
It's also true that I feel I have a very superficial relationship with this and the previous therapist, especially in comparison with the relationships I have formed here at Babble.
Posted by Tamar on May 31, 2005, at 18:45:14
In reply to Re: don't know what to make of this., posted by partlycloudy on May 31, 2005, at 17:00:39
> I can't figure out why I have delayed reactions like this - maybe it's because I'm back home and feel safe to express myself. I saw my therapist last Thursday and it's only now that I am allowing myself to truly feel upset. And because it's not "real time" I feel frustrated on top of hurt.
I get delayed reactions too. In my case it's usually because at the time I could react I'm usually trying not to in order to save face (by not crying, losing my temper, etc.) It is so frustrating to feel everything afterwards.
I'm so sorry to hear about what your T is doing. If you have a chance to tell her how angry you are, I think you should go for it. You probably need the release and she ought to be able to hear it. Oh, and I agree with the suggestion to ask her for a referral to someone with staying power.
Thinking of you...
Tamar
Posted by Dinah on May 31, 2005, at 18:54:34
In reply to Re: don't know what to make of this., posted by partlycloudy on May 31, 2005, at 17:00:39
That is really rotten luck. :(
I agree with those posters who suggest you bring this up with any new therapist. Hopefully they'd be honest with you.
This is the end of the thread.
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