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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JenStar on May 16, 2005, at 15:35:09
I know it seems awful right now, but it WILL get better. You're going to be OK! You're a wonderful caring person, and in time you WILL get past the pain of separation. It's entirely possible that the T doesn't feel the pain of separation like you do. I think it's part of their job to remain a bit distant emotionally so they don't feel the separation pain, but it doesn't mean that she won't miss you. I'm sure she wants you to be very successful, and wishes you the best in the future. I'm sure she cares what happens to you, and if it were in her power to do so, she would wave a magic wand and make you OK again. :) But since your relationship is over, she won't be contacting you or keeping up communication. But you can still keep her words and memories in your heart and use her to inspire you, as you work past the pain and fear.
I have to admit I don't know your history, so forgive me if the next statement is blunt or out of line. Is it possible that just finishing school or doing the semester would be better than the other options? Maybe you ARE trying to avoid it. What would happen if you just did the school thing? I apologize if that is upsetting or not helpful. But for me, I find that I often go to huge lengths to avoid painful confrontations or things I *need* to do. And then when I finally DO them, they're not so bad and I feel so much better. Just food for thought.
Take care of yourself!
JenStar
Posted by JenStar on May 16, 2005, at 15:37:18
In reply to you're going to be ok :), posted by JenStar on May 16, 2005, at 15:35:09
Posted by shrinking violet on May 19, 2005, at 11:46:49
In reply to you're going to be ok :), posted by JenStar on May 16, 2005, at 15:35:09
Aw you're so sweet, thank you! I didn't even see this until now, and wouldn't have known it was for me unless you had added that second subject. :-)>> I know it seems awful right now, but it WILL get better. You're going to be OK! You're a wonderful caring person, and in time you WILL get past the pain of separation.
--Thank you. I can't believe that right now though. I've "lost" people before, it's a normal thing, but, this is different, and the way it happened just made everything worse. It's hard to feel ok about something that still feels unfinished and unsettled.
>>It's entirely possible that the T doesn't feel the pain of separation like you do. I think it's part of their job to remain a bit distant emotionally so they don't feel the separation pain, but it doesn't mean that she won't miss you.
--Ok my first reaction to that was,"Hm, yeah, thanks." But I know what you mean. And I know it was hard for her too, she just hid it very well which I don't think was the best reaction for either of us. But I did the same. And my relationship with her is very complex, and I feel like there's a lot we never discussed, a lot we ignored, and that darn it we mean a lot to each other as people and it's plain BS that it has to suddenly stop like this, just b/c of how we met. So there's a lot of underlying stuff there that's swirling around, stuff we should have hashed out and answered but we never did, and that feels very bad right now, on top of losing her as a T.
>> But you can still keep her words and memories in your heart and use her to inspire you, as you work past the pain and fear.
--You know, I know you mean well and that is really sweet. But I've heard it before, I've heard it from my T, and from my doc..how I can keep them with me, and vice versa and blah blah. And I'm sorry, but if they need to tell themselves that to sleep at night, then fine. But for me it's just a lot of meaningless platitudes that makes a very deep and important situation seem trite.
>> Is it possible that just finishing school or doing the semester would be better than the other options? Maybe you ARE trying to avoid it. What would happen if you just did the school thing?
--I've thought about this a lot, but it isn't like I'm OK and looking for excuses. Emotionally I'm suicidal and depressed and crying a lot, etc. Physically (b/c of an ED) I feel like utter crap, not to mention being tired from lack of sleep, and food, and depression, etc. I barely made it through this past semsester...I had to ask for extensions for both of my final papers, I've skipped a month straight of classes....I can barely think straight to make daily decisions, and I know I cannot face a 5 hour essay exam and another intense research course. PLUS I'd have to look for anther job(s) to supplement my one at the library, or find one FT position....But b/c of being bottomed-out emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually right now, I can barely make it a full week to my 11 hour job at the library, let alone add another job or work a full 40+ hour week.
So, sure, I could just plunge through it, but I dont think I'd be any better in the end. I have a phone interview on Tue morning with the residential treatment center that my T recommended, and I hate to admit it, but I know I need it. Because I can't function this way anymore, I just can't. I won't. And if I have to take a month or two to go there and put off stuff until the fall, maybe thats' what I have to do. At least then I'll be able to think and have some energy to do what I need to.
Does that make sense? I've thought about this a lot, b/c I don't want to just try to avoid stuff. But, if I really look at things the way they are now, I know I can't handle another class and an exam and work, etc. I can't handle any more "weight" right now. And going residential isn't a "getaway" for me, either. I'm PETRIFIED of it, of the weight gain, of strangers, being in a new place, etc. So, it isn't an easy decision either way. I'm worried that my "team" might see it as you put it, or think I'm trying to extend some time with them in the fall....But I can't worry what they might think right now. And I don't expect any more from them anyway.
>>I apologize if that is upsetting or not helpful. But for me, I find that I often go to huge lengths to avoid painful confrontations or things I *need* to do. And then when I finally DO them, they're not so bad and I feel so much better. Just food for thought.
--NO I understand, but deciding to go inpatient at an eating disorder facility in a strange city with 24 hour supervision and intensive treatment isn't exactly "avoiding painful confrontations," either! ;-)
Thank you Jen, this was so sweet. I appreciate your thoughts....If you have any more let me know; maybe you can see something that I can't or haven't though of.
Thanks,
sv
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