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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tinydancer on October 22, 2003, at 5:15:24
I don't know if we are allowed to direct questions to Dr. Bob and I know he is not always around but I would like to ask him about transference and countertransference. It is a hot topic we seem to see brought up a lot here and I would like to hear his thoughts as a doctor. Perhaps he has some tips, advice, or books to recommend to help us who are suffering a lot of pain because of transference issues. I would really appreciate this!! Thank you and I also open this up to anyone else who would like to comment on transference, countertransference, tips, or books to suggest. (I just ordered In Session by Deborah Lott based on all the suggestions I got for that one BTW.)
Posted by Jellibabe on October 22, 2003, at 5:51:10
In reply to Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference, posted by tinydancer on October 22, 2003, at 5:15:24
Yes, transference is a huge issue it seems. I've also just ordered the book "In Session" because of what I have read here. I struggle a lot. Right now I can only afford to see my psychiatrist every two weeks and I SUFFER in between terribly. I sometimes see him as a father figure as he is quite an older man but sometimes my fantasies slip into something more sexual which makes me feel tremendously guilty. I feel if I can't cope without seeing him, I want to cut myself and I try very hard not to. Everything is a huge struggle. I know I shouldn't feel like this but I can't seem to help it. I love him so much and I wish he could be my father. I don't know if I'll ever get out of this. :(
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2003, at 7:01:18
In reply to Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference, posted by tinydancer on October 22, 2003, at 5:15:24
Don't be offended if Dr. Bob doesn't answer. His role here is that of administrator only.
But I'm sure others will be only too happy to chime in. Which I would myself if I weren't 3/4 asleep and due somewhere not too long from now. :)
Posted by tinydancer on October 22, 2003, at 7:39:17
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference » tinydancer, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2003, at 7:01:18
> Don't be offended if Dr. Bob doesn't answer. His role here is that of administrator only.
>
> But I'm sure others will be only too happy to chime in. Which I would myself if I weren't 3/4 asleep and due somewhere not too long from now. :)Thanks for pointing that out. I wasn't sure if he would reply to posts or not. I was under the impression it was sort of a case by case basis. Anyway I appreciate you replying!
Posted by tinydancer on October 22, 2003, at 7:42:55
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference » tinydancer, posted by Jellibabe on October 22, 2003, at 5:51:10
I understand your pain too well. It is a terribly painful situation. More than anything I just want to hug my T and never let go. Luckily he is so wonderful and understanding that I have been able to tell him everything so that I do not have to go around with it bottled up inside. It helps me enormously to talk about it. Today I basically told him I wanted to sleep with him. HA! I laugh but seriously this is how honest I am....It hurts so much and I don't know how to deal with it...I don't know if it will go away...I just don't know anything...Looking forward to reading the book so hopefully I can learn something.
Have you ever got mad at your T for anything btw?
Posted by judy1 on October 22, 2003, at 11:01:32
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference » tinydancer, posted by Jellibabe on October 22, 2003, at 5:51:10
I think the book will help you tremendously in understanding the whys of what we feel for our therps. You most definitely will 'get out of this'- as you work through your issues the transference becomes less and less. Are there issues with your father so that you've idealized your therp to be the father you didn't have? That's pretty common as are the sexual feelings (I've had those with almost all my male therps) and if you feel comfortable enough to discuss them you'll discover you are most certainly not the first one to feel this way. best of luck-judy
Posted by kitkat33 on October 22, 2003, at 13:12:33
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference » Jellibabe, posted by judy1 on October 22, 2003, at 11:01:32
I too have the transference issues. I think it is way to painful. I have tried talking to my T, she doesn't seem to respond in the same way that all of yours do. We almost end up in a fight. I told her I thought we needed a mediator, she ignored it and than I said I thought I needed to find someone else to talk to about the problems I am having with her and she got mad, saying that she had worked really hard with me and that I would simply distort the facts to my side. She calls my problems with her transference, I just want her to understand my feelings and my side. I hate transference, right now I hate the word transference too.
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2003, at 18:32:31
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference, posted by kitkat33 on October 22, 2003, at 13:12:33
Used that way, I would hate the word too. When I was not on good terms with my therapist once, I went to a psychiatrist and he said to go back to my therapist because all my negative feelings were transference. Hmmmph!!!! I went back to my therapist and told him that, and told him that that was bull. I had legitimate reasons to be angry with him.
And to his everlasting credit my therapist, though enormously amused by my indignation, agreed with me that not all feelings a client feels for a therapist are transference, that there were two people in the room who could make errors, and he admitted his part in our disagreement.
And I realized that even though I was mad at him (and I still think for good reason, not transference) that he was a heck of a lot better than a lot of what was out there, and I stayed and we worked things out. It was quite therapeutic in the long run. But he still laughs when he mentions transference. :)
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 22, 2003, at 22:25:22
In reply to Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference, posted by tinydancer on October 22, 2003, at 5:15:24
> I just ordered In Session by Deborah Lott based on all the suggestions I got for that one BTW.
I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The first time anyone refers to a book without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though, and doesn't *have* to be used. If people *choose* not to use it, I'd be interested why not, but I'd like that redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
Thanks!
Bob
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2003, at 23:04:03
In reply to Re: double double quotes » tinydancer, posted by Dr. Bob on October 22, 2003, at 22:25:22
You just as well link that one at the top of this page, Dr. Bob. :))
Posted by Jellibabe on October 23, 2003, at 2:12:32
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference, posted by tinydancer on October 22, 2003, at 7:42:55
Hi tinydancer
Sorry for the time delay. I think I get up as you guys all go to sleep. As others have said, I too almost hate the word "transference". Anyway, I am looking forward to the book so that I can hopefully find out more, if that is possible. Please excuse my ignorance, as I am fairly new here, but what does "btw" mean?I have been upset with my therapist before. Once when I phoned him to move an appointment he was quite sort of curt with me on the phone. I was devastated. It affected me for 2 days. I wrote to him and told him. I don't think he had realised how badly it had affected me and after that he has always been so sweet and gentle. He knows exactly how I feel as I have told him. When I told him, I was terrified and expected him to "fire me" on the spot as a patient and every time anything "bad" came out I always feared that he would get rid of me, but now, with his assurances that he won't do that, I am more open and honest with him. However, on the other hand it has led to me being more dependant on him and loving him more. . . blah, blah, blah!
Please let me know about btw and how things are going with you. . .:)
Posted by Jellibabe on October 23, 2003, at 2:35:21
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference, posted by kitkat33 on October 22, 2003, at 13:12:33
Dear Kitkat33
I feel for you. I hate the word transference too. Sometimes it feels as if everything is poo-poohed as "mere" transference. The fact that it half kills you is quite beside the point!
I wish I had never heard the word.
Posted by kitkat33 on October 23, 2003, at 11:06:08
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference » kitkat33, posted by Jellibabe on October 23, 2003, at 2:35:21
Thanks, I need to hear that others feel this way too. My therapist the last time I saw her, got mad at my suggestion of finding someone else to talk to about it and actually told me, she has given up, that I am basically impossible. It's unfortunate because I am at one of the worst periods of times in my life, losing my business, kids all falling apart in school fighting, etc. Severe depression, which a weight loss dr, finally gave me a prescription for (Lexapro). Thank god for him, because I don't think I would of made it without the lexapro, with my therapist almost firing me over this "transference issue". Oh well, I wish you all the best with transference too. I wonder what they call transference back at the client. Therapist's are people too, they can't be immuned to this either. Oh well.
Posted by fallsfall on October 23, 2003, at 17:30:27
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference, posted by kitkat33 on October 23, 2003, at 11:06:08
Posted by Cous Cous on May 17, 2005, at 12:54:51
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference, posted by kitkat33 on October 22, 2003, at 13:12:33
KitKat -
She sounds quite arrogant and more concerned with HERSELF and HER work and HER time than with YOUR welfare. Rather than blaming YOU, it is HER job to help you work through and understand youre feelings. She is NOT doing her job.My T and I used to argue all the time. I would always shut down and would not feel as though I could be honest with her for a couple of months following these each of these episodes. I told her this on several occasions and told her that this method of communication is VERY ineffective with me.
I finally just terminated with her and, you know what... I feel SO much healthier without her!! She was VERY sad to lose me... she said that, and I actually believe it based on her body language and the things you notice that are not really within her conscious control. She always said she thought we worked well together. I didn't really feel that way.
Everyone said, "Oh, you have to find someone else. You can't go without a T." I haven't found someone else and I have no intention of doing so. I have such a bad taste in my mouth about therapy. I have no interest in ever engaging in it again. I also wish that I could go without meds, but I don't think that will ever happen.
Take care and good luck with however you choose to handle the situation,
Cous Cous
Posted by Dinah on May 17, 2005, at 16:09:44
In reply to Re: Q for Dr. Bob-how have you coped with transference, posted by Cous Cous on May 17, 2005, at 12:54:51
I just wanted to let you know that I don't know if KitKat is still posting or lurking, so I'm not sure if she'll reply.
I'm glad your solution has worked well for you. Not everyone needs therapy, and if medications work well for you, that's wonderful.
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