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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 20:38:27
I just realized that I have been in much better mood this week comparitively. After quite a long time this week had been relatively very peaceful, and happy.
I think all that venting out about my father must have done the trick.
I am very happy today, and joyful.. Didn't work at all today, and fooled around, but what the heck..
Thanks guys for listening patiently to all my babbling.
Posted by Tamar on May 7, 2005, at 9:01:57
In reply to In much better mood, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 20:38:27
> I just realized that I have been in much better mood this week comparitively. After quite a long time this week had been relatively very peaceful, and happy.
That's really good news!
> I think all that venting out about my father must have done the trick.
Yeah, it's amazing how pumping it all out can lead to a sense of relief.
> I am very happy today, and joyful.. Didn't work at all today, and fooled around, but what the heck..
Ah well, you can probably catch up later. Sometimes we need a day of fooling around at work just to assimilate life and stuff. And then we usually work harder (and more effectively) the next day.
> Thanks guys for listening patiently to all my babbling.
Anytime!
Posted by 10derHeart on May 7, 2005, at 10:35:39
In reply to In much better mood, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 20:38:27
Posted by whirlpool on May 7, 2005, at 14:31:53
In reply to In much better mood, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 20:38:27
Posted by pinkeye on May 7, 2005, at 15:14:30
In reply to Great to hear! (nm), posted by whirlpool on May 7, 2005, at 14:31:53
Thanks guys :-)
Actually on second thoughts, maybe it is my same old pattern of doing things.. when things get too hard, I just pretend everything is fine.. and fool everyone and keep it to myself.. and use my logical strength to substitute and repress my emotions again.. I just caught myself doing the same thing yesterday..
Yesterday I came home and went to the bathroom, and started crying so uncontrollably in the bathroom, just like how I used to as a child.. I didn't even think I would want to cry.. I was actually quite happy - atleast I thought so. But then I started crying so much, and thankfully my husband wasn't at home.. But I used to do this all the time in childhood, pretend that I was happy to everyone and then cry all by myself inside the bathroom.
But anyway, I think it is a good sign.. I think there is some huge cleaning up going on..
Thanks so much guys for your support. It is amazing.
Posted by Tamar on May 7, 2005, at 16:04:58
In reply to thanks guys .. second thoughts » whirlpool, posted by pinkeye on May 7, 2005, at 15:14:30
Were you crying from a sense of relief, or did you feel distressed? Or both?
You might have been feeling a sense of relief about all the processing of feelings about your family that you've been doing recently. Going through all those emotions can make people quite tearful.
But if you were feeling distressed, maybe you were indeed bottling things up and trying to be happy on the surface.
Or maybe both - it's quite possible to feel ambivalent when talking about family relationships.
Hang in there.
Tamar
Posted by pinkeye on May 8, 2005, at 11:37:50
In reply to Re: thanks guys .. second thoughts » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 7, 2005, at 16:04:58
thank you. ..
I think it was both. Something else happened on friday evening as well.. my dad asked for more money.. he lost all his inheritance, and I have been kind of supporting him for the past few years..
And he keeps asking for more.. And I just agreed without saying anything. I think he should be more responsible. And he should try to do something productive. He has a few properties left - a house, few lands etc.. But he somehow has never managed to make any money. He lived fully off of his dad's inheritance, and little bit with my mother's inhertiance, and now he is depending on me.
He could be much more responsible.. He is not. And I don't say too much to him about it. And I feel bad about doing it silently.. Anyway, I have been trying to tell him to be more responsible but he thinks he can make more money by investing into stocks.. And he is not making anything. And I have been telling him to back off of it for the past 15 years. He doesn't listen.
So that made me more depressed.. Not so much about supporting him as such, atleast now I can afford to, and I feel it is my duty as a daughter to take care of my parents. Just that complete irresponsibility irks me a lot. He is pretty knowledgable, and is capable.. He should be able to find some way to make some money if he wants to. He keeps blaming indian economy for it.As always, I didn't say anything to him, pretended I was fine with continuing to support him. And just took it all inside.
Posted by Tamar on May 9, 2005, at 3:34:09
In reply to continuing pattern » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on May 8, 2005, at 11:37:50
Wow, that’s far from ideal. I understand that it’s a duty to support your parents, but maybe there’s a difference between sending your dad money that he really needs and sending him money that you know he’s going to squander?
The thing about an inheritance is that it’s supposed to be looked after from one generation to the next, in my view. Shouldn’t he be trying to ensure that his inheritance and your mother’s inheritance eventually become your inheritance?
And what will happen when you go back to India? Won’t you have financial responsibilities towards you husband’s parents, if you’re going to be living with them? Will you actually be able to support your parents as well?
And I also worry about what will happen if you have children one day. At that point, you’ll want to be able to support your children.
I know I’m coming at this from a different cultural perspective, but it seems to me that children shouldn’t be financially responsible for their parents at this stage in life. Maybe when the parents get quite old. Then it’s different; of course it’s a duty to support them. But if your father is capable of working?
The whole thing sounds very problematic, and frustrating for you. Have you talked to your T about it? Maybe you can try to figure out a way to make your dad depend on you less.
Posted by pinkeye on May 9, 2005, at 13:21:42
In reply to Re: continuing pattern » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 9, 2005, at 3:34:09
Thanks a lot Tamar for your post. It brings lot of relief.
My dad can find some work if he wants to.. He is a doctor, and besides he knows a lot of stuff - only he doesn't know how to put it all together and make money out of it. I really feel sorry for him - to know so much, yet be not able to do something productive for himself out of it. It must hurt a guy's ego a lot right, to not have earned anything his whole life? I cannot let myself do it.
Right now, I don't feel the burden too much, because I am here.. But once I go back to India, there will be serious issues about supporting them continuously. I don't think I can afford that much. It is a real concern for me. And I have agreed to live with my in laws - atleast for the time being, and we will have to support them as well (as we are already doing it). Me and my husband are kind of earning for 3 families now.. and now it is allright, we don't feel the burden. But I am really concerned what will happen if we go back to India. That is one reason why I am so hesitant.
I don't want to hurt my dad's feeling.. I have tried telling him in the past to try to cut down on the expenses, and try other ways of making money instead of investing in stocks again and again.. HE doesn't listen. And I am like fine whatever. I will continue to support. We have a house - he can make some efforts to reclaim it - some body else is living in it and they are not vacating.. He doesn't do it, and instead is paying a huge amount in rent, which is not at all needed. And he doesn't put efforts in areas where he needs.. And there is nothing I can do about it. I am more concerned for my mom.. and I don't want to shrug them off.
This is the end of the thread.
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