![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on May 2, 2005, at 11:44:10
Does a T want you to get attached to them, is it part of working in therapy. I see so many people that are hurting because they lost their T, it is like grieving death or something. Should I try not to get attached? Would it make leaving therapy easier or would it hamper therapy? I feel myself trusting my T now, but I am also starting to feel attached to him and it scares me since I know that I will lose him someday after T is done. What do you all feel about this?
Posted by Tamar on May 2, 2005, at 13:07:56
In reply to Are we suppose to get attached to our T?, posted by happyflower on May 2, 2005, at 11:44:10
Many Ts do want you to get attached to them. Certainly it seems to be important to feel a sense that your T is on your side, and that you both have some kind of commitment to each other, in a therapeutic sense.
I think some people do try not to get attached but it doesn’t always work (people can get attached despite their efforts not to). And if you don’t get attached it might make therapy less useful to you. Other people seem to find it easier when they’re less attached. And, of course, there are different degrees of attachment.
I reckon the best thing is to talk to your T about it. He should have a pretty good idea of how attachment works in his clinical experience. Though, of course, he may not have any personal experience of the heart-wrenching, gut-churning, obsessive, agonizing depths of profound emotion it can involve (sorry, I think I got a bit carried away there).
Again, I imagine the best way to arrive at answers to these questions is to discuss them in therapy. But I know it’s hard!
Tamar
Posted by whirlpool on May 2, 2005, at 13:53:15
In reply to Are we suppose to get attached to our T?, posted by happyflower on May 2, 2005, at 11:44:10
Happyflower,
I heard that part of the therapy process is learning to "internalize" the T and this is supposed to make it easier to leave. In other words, after a while you will feel that what you get from your T becomes a part of you. This sounds simpler than it really is, though.
I think Tamar is right about the importance of discussing this in therapy.
Posted by 10derHeart on May 2, 2005, at 15:00:57
In reply to Re: Are we suppose to get attached to our T? » happyflower, posted by Tamar on May 2, 2005, at 13:07:56
>...the heart-wrenching, gut-churning, obsessive, agonizing depths of profound emotion it can involve (sorry, I think I got a bit carried away there).
Oh, no, you didn't. That was painfully accurate. IMO.
Posted by pinkeye on May 2, 2005, at 17:39:08
In reply to Are we suppose to get attached to our T?, posted by happyflower on May 2, 2005, at 11:44:10
I think you don't have too much control over whether you get attached or not. Especially when you are going through intense emotional healing. It is natural to get attached to the person who helps you through.
But what you can do, is to keep things in perspective from the beginning. To recognize, that as much as it is extremely personal for you, and you feel the other person is there to protect you and save you, for the other person, it is nothing new. And your T will never ever form the same kind of attachment to you as you do towards him. He would have felt that towards his T, not you :-)
Posted by daisym on May 3, 2005, at 14:47:57
In reply to Re: Are we suppose to get attached to our T? » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on May 2, 2005, at 17:39:08
I think you might ask your therapist how he views "dependent clients" -- this will tell you a lot about his view of attachment. I think the issues you are working on has a lot to do with how attached you might get. Or need to get.
I can tell you that my attachment has kept me in therapy when things are really hard. And it has forced me to be honest about some really dark thoughts and allowed me to have the courage to express those thoughts. We talk about it all the time though, "it" is part of what I'm doing in therapy. I've always kept everyone away from my personal core, so this is new, frightening and conflicting - and feels very, very good.
Posted by thewrite1 on May 3, 2005, at 18:35:31
In reply to Are we suppose to get attached to our T?, posted by happyflower on May 2, 2005, at 11:44:10
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.