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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by messadivoce on April 20, 2005, at 18:26:23
May 12th, 2004, was the day of termination with my old T. It's fast approaching a year later. When I think of this day, I can imagine crying, screaming, clawing the paint off the walls, or alternately, sleeping all day. Anything else seems pathetically inadequite.
I need ideas on how to mark this anniversary. Ideas that are approaching sane and reasonable.
I wish I was still in therapy. I miss my old T. I miss my "current" T. I miss someone taking care of me like they did.
Posted by Tamar on April 21, 2005, at 5:57:34
In reply to Marking anniversaries, posted by messadivoce on April 20, 2005, at 18:26:23
I haven’t been a whole year without my T – it’s been just over a month. But I felt I had to mark the month since termination in some way. I knew I’d be feeling rough, so I gave myself the whole morning just to think about him, and therapy in general, and I wrote down how I was feeling (not wanting to sink into a depressive state!).
I also arranged to meet a friend in the afternoon. It was a friend who understood the whole thing, so I talked quite a lot about my T, though we talked about other things too. I decided not to drink any alcohol because I knew I’d end up getting drunk and that wouldn’t help. But it was good to have some company and she cheered me up.
That was what worked for me: a little space to feel sad followed by some time with a supportive friend. I didn’t want the sadness to descend into a full-scale moping session. But I do think it’s important to acknowledge the sadness and then find some comfort. Are there certain pieces of music you associate with your former T? If so, you could listen to them. Or maybe poetry, or a special place to go for a walk, or something like that? And is there someone you can spend time with who can comfort you?
I also think it can be helpful to be quite creative on occasions like this: perhaps to make or write or do something that you can keep as a memory of the anniversary. Write a poem, burn a CD, paint a picture, take photographs of flowers… whatever. It gives the sadness a focus.
Well that’s just my ideas. I don’t know what it’s like to feel a whole year’s sadness, but I hope you’ll find a way to mark the anniversary that feels appropriate to you.
(((((Voce)))))
Tamar
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 21, 2005, at 8:38:10
In reply to Marking anniversaries, posted by messadivoce on April 20, 2005, at 18:26:23
How about doing something special for yourself? Maybe this could mark the first step of you taking care of yourself instead of longing for others to take care of you?
You could get a manicure or some other salon treatment. Buy a book you've wanted to read. Just something special for yourself.
Posted by Dinah on April 21, 2005, at 11:15:20
In reply to Marking anniversaries, posted by messadivoce on April 20, 2005, at 18:26:23
I like Tamar's idea of meeting with someone. If you don't know anyone you can talk to your therapist about, do you know someone that you feel close and connected to?
I wasn't really sure why I liked it, until I read Miss Honeychurch's post and the post about being your own therapist. For some people, myself included, and I'm not sure about you of course, it's not being taken care of or learning the skills involved that marks the core essential of therapy. It's learning to be in relation with someone without all the old defenses and barriers. If there is someone else in your life who has benefitted from that, it would be a fitting tribute to your therapy to mark your anniversary with them.
For me, I think that would be my son. Not that I have the *same* relationship with him as I do with my therapist, but I have a *better* relationship with him because of my therapy.
Posted by messadivoce on April 21, 2005, at 13:28:17
In reply to Re: Marking anniversaries » messadivoce, posted by Tamar on April 21, 2005, at 5:57:34
Thanks, Tamar. I like your ideas. I think I will try to go somewhere to feel "close" to him. There are several places on campus I could go where I ran into him before, and for some reason being there makes him feel a little closer. I don't know exactly how I will do this, but I hope it will be helpful to me instead of sinking me deeper into sadness.
Posted by messadivoce on April 21, 2005, at 13:30:27
In reply to Re: Marking anniversaries » messadivoce, posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 21, 2005, at 8:38:10
Yeah, I like the manicure idea! Or maybe a massage sounds good. Ahhh. I do need to be better at taking care of myself. Actually, the last thing he said to me was "Take good care of yourself." Funny how I still feel like I haven't done the best job of that.
Posted by messadivoce on April 21, 2005, at 13:31:09
In reply to Re: Marking anniversaries » messadivoce, posted by Dinah on April 21, 2005, at 11:15:20
Posted by messadivoce on April 23, 2005, at 2:26:17
In reply to Re: Marking anniversaries » messadivoce, posted by Dinah on April 21, 2005, at 11:15:20
Dinah, I have wanted to respond to you so badly, but couldn't work up the words. I wish that I could say that my relationship with my dad has improved because of the oedipal transference I had with my T, but it's simply not true. My dad doesn't even really know me, doesn't have a clue about the pain I'm in, and wouldn't know what to do if he did know.
I think of all people, my fiance has benefitted the most from my therapy. Even though I can't rehash my feelings about my former T with him (we've been there, done that, and like a typical guy, once it's over it's over). I think he feels a tiny bit of jealousy and I know it bothers him that this hurts me and he can't do anything to make it better (another guy thing). I don't know what I'm trying to say, I'm just rambling and making excuses for myself.
Everything these days is a trigger for me. I'll be so glad when this anniversary is past. I'm such a messy, soggy, pathetic ball of emotion right now. You could probably use me to mop the floor.
This is the end of the thread.
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