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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on March 16, 2005, at 12:40:03
I am thinking that the main reason why I kept getting depressed was that I was not able to make peace with things as easily as others. I kept trying to think about things, and wishing it were different, and trying to change them again and again.
Is it better to not try to change things too much and just accept and move on? Any ideas?
Posted by antigua on March 16, 2005, at 16:21:54
In reply to Ability to make peace with things, posted by pinkeye on March 16, 2005, at 12:40:03
I know that I try to make peace w/issues and I keep running up against the wall, banging my head over and over again. In my experience if you can work through what's bothering you (feel the feelings, be angry, whatever) and resolve the situation so that it comes out differently than the original triggering incident,those situations will no longer trouble you. Am I making any sense?
So maybe it's not accepting that you just have to make peace w/it, but figuring out why you can't and working to resolve it. This turns out to have a magical effect in your life because you end up applying these skills to so many other parts of your life.
For me, I will never feel at peace in my life until I work through my csa issues.
Did I say too much? I'm sorry you're struggling,
antigua
Posted by Dinah on March 16, 2005, at 17:19:37
In reply to Ability to make peace with things, posted by pinkeye on March 16, 2005, at 12:40:03
I'm relatively good at that, but I still have more than my share of troubles in general. Accepting things that won't change, deciding if they're worthwhile as they are, and then lowering expectations is my specialty. And I think I do it with relatively good grace.
However, there do seem to be people who cause themselves a lot of pain by continuing to expect things that never will be. I'm sure it's worthwhile to learn to accept what is.
But then, you want to make sure you don't accept too easily and miss opportunities to change what can be changed.
Posted by pinkeye on March 16, 2005, at 18:01:05
In reply to Re: Ability to make peace with things, posted by Dinah on March 16, 2005, at 17:19:37
> I'm relatively good at that, but I still have more than my share of troubles in general. Accepting things that won't change, deciding if they're worthwhile as they are, and then lowering expectations is my specialty. And I think I do it with relatively good grace.
That is so very good for you. It is an ability I never had/have.
>
> However, there do seem to be people who cause themselves a lot of pain by continuing to expect things that never will be. I'm sure it's worthwhile to learn to accept what is.Yeah, I am one of them. Trying trying trying trying.. that is my speciality.
>
> But then, you want to make sure you don't accept too easily and miss opportunities to change what can be changed.
Me - never. I never give up things easily. It is what makes me suffer so much, that I never give up and make peace. I am trying to learn though.
Posted by pinkeye on March 16, 2005, at 18:02:29
In reply to Re: Ability to make peace with things, posted by pinkeye on March 16, 2005, at 18:01:05
Posted by pinkeye on March 16, 2005, at 18:03:54
In reply to Re: Ability to make peace with things, posted by antigua on March 16, 2005, at 16:21:54
I didn't quite understand all that you said, but thanks for the care. I am getting much better now though.
Posted by Tabitha on March 16, 2005, at 23:41:20
In reply to Ability to make peace with things, posted by pinkeye on March 16, 2005, at 12:40:03
Sometimes I forget I need to grieve a loss before I can accept things as they are. I can get into anxiety and depressed states as a way to avoid grieving. Once I remember that I may need to go through a mini-grief process, accepting gets easier.
Posted by Shortelise on March 17, 2005, at 13:04:35
In reply to Ability to make peace with things, posted by pinkeye on March 16, 2005, at 12:40:03
I'm here with you, Pink. This is a huge struggle for me, too. The "what might have been" is a spectre that leaps out at me and it really hurts.
I don't have an answer obviously. I am trying to just "grow up" and let go. Please don't ask exactly what that means! :-)
ShortE
Posted by pinkeye on March 17, 2005, at 13:07:23
In reply to Re: Ability to make peace with things » pinkeye, posted by Shortelise on March 17, 2005, at 13:04:35
Yeah, I am struggling with it too. I need to take an important decision in my life and move back to my own country, and I am having such a hard time accepting it.
I am realizing even if you know the correct answer logically, emotionally it is just so very damn near impossible to feel in your heart the level of clarity that your mind is capable.
> I'm here with you, Pink. This is a huge struggle for me, too. The "what might have been" is a spectre that leaps out at me and it really hurts.
>
> I don't have an answer obviously. I am trying to just "grow up" and let go. Please don't ask exactly what that means! :-)
>
> ShortE
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