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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 18:26:49
I think I am getting little addicted to babble. I just started posting frequently 3 - 4 weeks before - mostly to start helping out others and to seek help for myself to cope up with losing my exT.. But now I feel like I am getting little addicted to it. I am feeling like, oh my God I could help out so much so why the hell did I not do it for so long before? .. and it is extremely rewarding to help out people and be benevolent and understand other's pains and help them with whatever little suggestion I am able to come up with.
But it is so easy to get sucked into this and overdo it. Anybody felt that?
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:51:01
In reply to Getting addicted to babble, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 18:26:49
Yeah, it can happen. Because I'm so far behind at work, I've limited the time I can sit at this computer.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 18:56:31
In reply to Getting addicted to babble, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 18:26:49
Hmm. I have made a similar obervation myself...
http://dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050106/msgs/438800.html
But I am having a ball...
I am happy.
I don't mind.
Though I will have to tone it down a bit when work starts up properly.> I am feeling like, oh my God I could help out so much so why the hell did I not do it for so long before? .. and it is extremely rewarding to help out people and be benevolent and understand other's pains and help them with whatever little suggestion I am able to come up with.
But thats great!!!!
> But it is so easy to get sucked into this and overdo it. Anybody felt that?Overdo it???
What makes you think you might be overdoing it???
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 18:59:34
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:51:01
> Yeah, it can happen. Because I'm so far behind at work, I've limited the time I can sit at this computer.
Yeah I have noticed you post here a lot too. I have to sit in front of a computer with an extremely high speed net connection atleast 8 hours a day, so it so very tempting for me. It has almost become like a hobby for me - and it definitely is so much more rewarding personally than the work I do. But I guess the rewarding part is what some therapists get themselves caught it and get involved too much and start misleading themselves and the patients. The key is to be benevolent but not use it to boost your own ego and substitute it for your own loneliness.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 19:02:23
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 18:59:34
I don't post nearly as much as I used to, and I read even less.
I mostly read this board and Admin, and I guess I'll read Parents. I skim Social. For the other boards, I really should check the emailed followup box, because sometimes I forget I've posted there and neglect to go back and check for replies.
I used to be far more active.
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 19:05:23
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble, posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 18:56:31
> Overdo it???
> What makes you think you might be overdoing it???
1. It is taking time away from my work duties..
2. All my new virtual friends have started substituting my real friends - I don't talk to my husband as I used to in between work. I used to call up my friends and chat and I have reduced that. And everyday night, my mind is so preoccupied with everyone's story and thinking about it that it is difficult for me to relax.
3. I am afraid I will get carried away with the power of helping others and use it to boost my own ego. I don't want to do that. I jsut want to be little benevolent and stop there. It is a difficult line to draw.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 19:14:29
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble » alexandra_k, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 19:05:23
> 1. It is taking time away from my work duties..
Yes... I understand that one. Though are you still doing what you have to do okay? I mean, if you were something of a perfectionist before then it might not be a problem that you aren't *so* involved in your work.
> 2. All my new virtual friends have started substituting my real friends - I don't talk to my husband as I used to in between work. I used to call up my friends and chat and I have reduced that.
Yeah. Me too.. But they never really understood me anyway ;-) But that is something I worry about too.
>And everyday night, my mind is so preoccupied with everyone's story and thinking about it that it is difficult for me to relax.
Ah. I like it. I don't need to watch soap opera's anymore ;-) But it can affect you a lot if you get personally involved. I hear you there.
> 3. I am afraid I will get carried away with the power of helping others and use it to boost my own ego.Antidote: Post about your problems too. That way it becomes reciprocal. There isn't anything wrong with feeling good about helping / being able to help others. Only when you think you 'know best' and think 'why are they so stupid they can't see this'. It is so very much harder to be objective about yourself...
>I don't want to do that. I jsut want to be little benevolent and stop there. It is a difficult line to draw.
Do you know that you can set limits on the number of times you can refresh the pages in one day??
You could try that.
Might take some time to figure a 'reasonable' number. Or to check them just once per day.
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 19:24:17
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble » pinkeye, posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 19:14:29
I like your comment about people not understanding who you are anyway :-). But I don't feel that way, I am fairly the same everywhere - atleast for a long time now. Maybe there are some deep parts of me that I don't show my friends.. but other than that, I am fairly the same. But I guess being able to show these deep parts is really what matters the most.
> Yeah. Me too.. But they never really understood me anyway ;-) But that is something I worry about too.
>
> >And everyday night, my mind is so preoccupied with everyone's story and thinking about it that it is difficult for me to relax.
>
> Ah. I like it. I don't need to watch soap opera's anymore ;-) But it can affect you a lot if you get personally involved. I hear you there.Yeah I do have a tendency to get very involved personally with people. That is why sometimes I keep myself to myself.
> > 3. I am afraid I will get carried away with the power of helping others and use it to boost my own ego.
>
> Antidote: Post about your problems too. That way it becomes reciprocal. There isn't anything wrong with feeling good about helping / being able to help others. Only when you think you 'know best' and think 'why are they so stupid they can't see this'. It is so very much harder to be objective about yourself...I have posted my problems and got immense support here. I was brought with the notion of being selfish is good - so I have little difficulty in coming to terms with feeling good with helping others. But I can understand it more now.
> >I don't want to do that. I jsut want to be little benevolent and stop there. It is a difficult line to draw.
>
> Do you know that you can set limits on the number of times you can refresh the pages in one day??
>
> You could try that.
> Might take some time to figure a 'reasonable' number. Or to check them just once per day.
>It is not possible, because I have unlimited net access at work.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 19:31:57
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble » alexandra_k, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 19:24:17
> It is not possible, because I have unlimited net access at work.
Under the Babbleometer (near the top of the page) there is a 'setting limits' option. You can type in a number and that is the number of times you are allowed to refresh in a 24 hour period.
Might take a bit to work out what a 'reasonable' limit is.
Otherwise I guess you could try to check the boards only once per day...
I have problems with self-control.
I have been known to email Dr Bob 'Please block me until XXX because I have a deadline!!!'.
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 19:39:16
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble » pinkeye, posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 19:31:57
Oh I see. Well if the problem persists may be I will do that.
But focussing on other people's problems is taking me away from focussing too much on my own. Maybe it is good in a way, because otherwise I will be worrying about my own issues day and night. Now I have completely stopped doing that.
Otherwise my brain needs something to think about and it will keep ruminating about my own issues all the time. Atleast this way, I can use it constructively.
>
> Under the Babbleometer (near the top of the page) there is a 'setting limits' option. You can type in a number and that is the number of times you are allowed to refresh in a 24 hour period.
>
> Might take a bit to work out what a 'reasonable' limit is.
>
> Otherwise I guess you could try to check the boards only once per day...
>
> I have problems with self-control.
> I have been known to email Dr Bob 'Please block me until XXX because I have a deadline!!!'.
>
>
>
>
Posted by Speaker on February 25, 2005, at 20:40:56
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 19:02:23
I choose to only post on this board for that reason. At times I am so overwhelmed that I go weeks without reading or writing and then I jump back in. I always learn so much but I want to make sure I stay balanced.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 0:46:29
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 19:39:16
That sounds to me like a very smart thing you've done for yourself. Eventually, you might be able to take the helping and learning from here, from everything here, and use it IRL .. first one person, then another, and another. But you might want to learn to step back from the intensity of it for you. That might be what's drawing you in so much, so many hours of the day. And it is hours, isn't it? I know a couple of weeks ago I was spending three hours a day in this seat, posting and reading .. no wonder my muscles ache and are sore and I'm getting out of shape, oh dear...
But this week it's less, and last week was better than the week before, so I'm okay with that.
You're helping yourself, aren't you, pinkeye. I believe that's what you're really doing, and you as much as said that yourself, so definitely I wouldn't worry about how much time you're spending here right now. Except that you should probably doublecheck to make absolutely sure they aren't secretly tracking you at work, only to have yourself called up on the carpet and internet access restricted. They did something like that at my ex's place of work. You wanna watch that.
Posted by pinkeye on March 1, 2005, at 13:04:41
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 0:46:29
Yes Of course. I am doing this for myself too.. only difference is before I used to do it only for myself, now I am doing it for others as well :-) I am one of the strong believers of taking care of yourself first is the right way to be able to take care of others in the long run - of course recognizing that sometimes you do need to sacrifice yourself if it helps the other party tremendously enough. Kind of give and take policy.
I will watch on the work access. I am aware of the tracking that you said and I don't want to over do it and spoil my career.
It used to be hours last week as you said. Now I am restricting myself. And it helps me a lot, so other than the internet access from work, I really don't mind participating here for now. It keeps me away from missing my ex T, it gives me a sense of self worth, and it does good for others - so far I believe I haven't misguided anybody and I really want to give lots to others - only because I think I am capable now and won't mislead in the name of helping.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 14:38:35
In reply to Re: Getting addicted to babble » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on March 1, 2005, at 13:04:41
I admire that about you so very much, Pinkeye. Do you have other people in your life, who understand love and accept you, besides the ex-T? Or are you doing this on your own?
Posted by pinkeye on March 1, 2005, at 15:06:03
In reply to You're Very Strong » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 14:38:35
> I admire that about you so very much, Pinkeye. Do you have other people in your life, who understand love and accept you, besides the ex-T? Or are you doing this on your own?
Thanks for the compliment. I was thinking of myself as very emotionally weak actually - logically strong perhaps, but emotionally weak. But maybe I do have little bit of emotional strength as well - that is what my previous T used to get confused - he said many times that he couldn't really figure out what was wrong with me - that I seemed to have almost everything right but yet suffered a lot. I seem to have lot of capacity though - and that carries me through all the difficulties in my life.
I do have other people in my life who love me very much. My parents the most. That gave me extreme strength and is still the main point of support for me. They are not perfect, and my father did several mistakes in bringing me up and ended up confusing me a lot, but he loves me very much and I am very obligated to him for living a good life. My mother loves me a lot too. These are the two pillars from whom I derive all my strength from. And I have a pretty good husband (we had several conflicts and he was not so very good for the last 2 years, but now he has reformed a lot as well). And I am loved very much by other relatives and few of my friends. But all my family is in another country and I am here all by myself and my husband. That is why I suffered as much as I did. That and perhaps my illness (I had extreme difficulty for long time). And my conflicts with my husband. And of course the basic sense of loneliness I always had - inability to connect to another person deeply - that went away because of my ex T now. For the last 2 and a half years, my ex T was the main point of support for me. I would never know if he liked me, but he saved my life. And I feel very obligated to him to live a good life.
So all these factors combined and my own commitment to myself - they are helping me in going on. It is not just by myself. But I do play a major role in my own well being. I believe in the sentence spoken by the heroine in the novel Gone with the wind.. that tomorrow all the problems will get solved - kind of never getting beaten in life to the point where it pulls you down fully. And I draw lot of strength from inspirational movies and books and songs.
Honestly, I don't know if it possible to be strong just by yourselves for any human being. I think that may be asking for too much out of any person. But I do believe, that anybody without any of the external supports and love, can lead a decent and little meaningful life just by themselves. They may not excel and may not be very strong and may not be very happy, but they can lead a basically fulfilling life - not get depressed, and not feel lonely and not feel desperate and anxious. It is a wide world, filled with oppurtunities and people and it is for us to explore and create a meaning for us given whatever condition we are in. That is a basic duty to ourselves and to our creator and to whoever showed us a little bit of love and benevolence in our lives which we should remember. That is what I go by.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 1, 2005, at 15:32:43
In reply to Re: You're Very Strong » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on March 1, 2005, at 15:06:03
For all those people who need to watch their work access... Go through a 'cloak' service. They are free. Just do a google to find one... They explain what they are all about...
Your employers will know about how much you are charging up (and you may get into trouble with that) but they won't know WHAT SITES you are spending all that time on...
Posted by alexandra_k on March 3, 2005, at 3:24:20
In reply to Re: Internet access at work..., posted by alexandra_k on March 1, 2005, at 15:32:43
Though if they have access to your desktop they can still find out... Maybe that doesn't work after all...
This is the end of the thread.
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