Posted by pinkeye on March 1, 2005, at 15:06:03
In reply to You're Very Strong » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 14:38:35
> I admire that about you so very much, Pinkeye. Do you have other people in your life, who understand love and accept you, besides the ex-T? Or are you doing this on your own?
Thanks for the compliment. I was thinking of myself as very emotionally weak actually - logically strong perhaps, but emotionally weak. But maybe I do have little bit of emotional strength as well - that is what my previous T used to get confused - he said many times that he couldn't really figure out what was wrong with me - that I seemed to have almost everything right but yet suffered a lot. I seem to have lot of capacity though - and that carries me through all the difficulties in my life.
I do have other people in my life who love me very much. My parents the most. That gave me extreme strength and is still the main point of support for me. They are not perfect, and my father did several mistakes in bringing me up and ended up confusing me a lot, but he loves me very much and I am very obligated to him for living a good life. My mother loves me a lot too. These are the two pillars from whom I derive all my strength from. And I have a pretty good husband (we had several conflicts and he was not so very good for the last 2 years, but now he has reformed a lot as well). And I am loved very much by other relatives and few of my friends. But all my family is in another country and I am here all by myself and my husband. That is why I suffered as much as I did. That and perhaps my illness (I had extreme difficulty for long time). And my conflicts with my husband. And of course the basic sense of loneliness I always had - inability to connect to another person deeply - that went away because of my ex T now. For the last 2 and a half years, my ex T was the main point of support for me. I would never know if he liked me, but he saved my life. And I feel very obligated to him to live a good life.
So all these factors combined and my own commitment to myself - they are helping me in going on. It is not just by myself. But I do play a major role in my own well being. I believe in the sentence spoken by the heroine in the novel Gone with the wind.. that tomorrow all the problems will get solved - kind of never getting beaten in life to the point where it pulls you down fully. And I draw lot of strength from inspirational movies and books and songs.
Honestly, I don't know if it possible to be strong just by yourselves for any human being. I think that may be asking for too much out of any person. But I do believe, that anybody without any of the external supports and love, can lead a decent and little meaningful life just by themselves. They may not excel and may not be very strong and may not be very happy, but they can lead a basically fulfilling life - not get depressed, and not feel lonely and not feel desperate and anxious. It is a wide world, filled with oppurtunities and people and it is for us to explore and create a meaning for us given whatever condition we are in. That is a basic duty to ourselves and to our creator and to whoever showed us a little bit of love and benevolence in our lives which we should remember. That is what I go by.
poster:pinkeye
thread:463375
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/464992.html